Last Second Chance
by Shakespeare's Lemonade
Summary: Steve's younger brother, Johnny, moves back to Hawaii, but wants little to do with his family. That is, until he meets his nephew and needs Steve's protection from those out to kill him. But will the brothers ever be able to repair their relationship? COMPLETE.
1. Prologue & Home Again

"Last Second Chance"

Shakespeare's Lemonade

Rating: T

Genre: Family/Drama

Summary: Steve's younger brother moves back to Hawaii to be with a sick friend, but wants very little to do with his family. That is, until he meets his nephew and needs Steve's protection from those out to kill him. But will the brothers ever be able to repair their relationship? And Steve's got a lot more to worry about than an estranged sibling.

Pairings: Steve/Catherine, Danny/Rachel, OC/OC

A/N: The title of this story comes from a song by This Beautiful Republic. The story itself is set a couple of years after the end of season one and I would consider it fairly AU because it includes an extra sibling and a couple other things that aren't in line with the show.

I have seventeen chapters written already, so I will be updating quite regularly.

Very special thanks to my wonderful beta, sugarmuffin08 and my gamma, Riter's Fury... I highly recommend multiple readers. I think on one story I got to a delta. I can't remember.

"_**Go on and get up; show me what you're made of when push comes to shove. Go on and get up; here comes another round. It's all come down to your last second chance."~This Beautiful Repubilc**_

_Prologue_

_1992_

"_Steve!" the voice of the young boy echoed through the house._

_Steve McGarrett opened the door of the room he shared with his younger brother and looked out into the hallway. Said brother stood in the middle of it looking lost._

"_What is it, Jackie," Steve asked, a little impatiently, but with a smirk._

"_Um... What do you want to be when you grow up?"_

_Steve was a little surprised at the question. For one thing, he sort of thought he was grown up. But he gave it a moment's thought. "I don't know." He shrugged. "What do you want to be, Johnny? A cop, like Dad?"_

_Johnny shook his head. "No," he said and seemed to be thinking hard about it. "I used to."_

"_Yeah." Steve nodded. "Me too."_

"_Well, I have to write this thing for school and I don't know what to write about."_

"_Well... You could make something up. Pick a job that sounds fun and talk about that."_

"_Okay... What kind of job sounds fun to you?"_

"_Uh... how about a Navy SEAL?" Steve suggested._

_Johnny's eyes lit up. "Yeah, that would make a great essay!"_

_Johnny ran back downstairs and Steve smirked again. In all honestly, he wanted to be a cop, even if his dad did tend to ignore him. Maybe he would pay more attention then._

_A Navy SEAL was his second choice._

_2010_

_The shots rang out and the younger man winced slightly. No one else would have noticed it, but Steve did. He supposed it made sense. For someone like him anyway._

_Steve didn't know most of the people at the funeral, so very few of them probably knew him or the other man. An observant person might notice the similarities in their eyebrows or the shapes of their faces, but Steve didn't think anyone was paying attention._

_He didn't say anything to the other man, but he waited a few minutes afterward to see if he would approach him. He didn't._

"_Was that your brother?" Chin asked when they saw each other in the parking lot. "He looks a lot like you."_

_Steve nodded. "I know. I'm glad he was there at least."_

_Chin gave him an understanding look. "I hope you'll stop in now and then."_

_Steve shook his head. "I don't think I'll be here long... But I'll come by before I leave."_

_Chin nodded, accepting what he could get. "You should talk to Johnny before he goes. How long has it been?"_

_Steve thought for a minute. "A long time," was all he said._

_Chin knew what that meant. Steve really hadn't spoken to his brother in eighteen years._

**Chapter One "Home Again"**

_**Present Day: September, 2013**_

Johnny slipped on his sunglasses as he left the airport. He switched off the annoying GPS in his rental car. Even after twenty years, he knew where he was going. He didn't even think of going to the house he once called home. Johnny wasn't delusional enough to think he wouldn't end up there eventually, but not now.

Instead, he drove to the other side of town to a house that had been like his own growing up, especially in the last few years. Johnny was only nine when he left, but sometimes, he felt he had been a lot older. He felt older now than his 29 years.

There were a lot of things Johnny didn't understand, but a few that he did. He did not particularly want to be here except to support his friend and he knew that would not be enough to keep him from facing the ugly past he had on this island.

Alana was waiting for him on the porch of her parents home. She didn't get up, but he hadn't expected her to. She had a blanket over he knees despite the balmy weather. She held out her hands and Johnny took them. He kissed her forehead as he crouched in front of her.

"You don't look half bad," he said with a smile.

"Neither do you," Alana retorted with a laugh.

Johnny's smile widened. "I've missed you," he said. "I wish I'd been able to come sooner."

"I understand. I'm glad you're here now."

Johnny noted the tone in her voice. He knew what she meant, but chose to ignore it. He wasn't ready to believe that yet, as much as the facts were staring him in the face. Alana seemed to be taking it all in stride. Like she was used to the idea.

"Mom and Dad want to see you," she said. "They could hardly believe it when I told them you were coming back."

"Not exactly back," Johnny said. "More like: here indefinitely."

Alana smirked. "Same difference, brah," she said. "Anyway, they're inside."

Johnny stood up to his full height, now towering over Alana. "Guess I'll be back," he said, brushing her hand as he moved toward the front door.

Inside, the house hadn't changed much. It was just as Johnny remembered it when he was a kid. His brother used to drop him off after school and pick him up after dinner. Then Steve would listen to all Johnny had to say about his day. Steve never said a word. Johnny sort of understood why.

"Johnny McGarrett, is that you?" came the voice of Alana's father, Kekoa.

Johnny smiled. "Yes, sir," he said.

Kekoa came into the front room and shook his head. "Never could knock that out of you," he said. "Your parents taught you too well."

"Or something," Johnny said, shaking Kekoa's hand firmly.

"In any case, I think you're old enough to call me 'Kekoa'."

"I'll... try."

"How have you been for the last few years? It's been too long."

"I've been well," Johnny said. "Not a lot to report. The band never went anywhere and I'm on my own again."

Kekoa nodded. "People take solo artists more seriously anyway."

Johnny tilted his head. "Hmm. Well, I hope so. And how have you been?"

"As well as can be expected. We know every day is special. And we're very glad you're here. Alana always missed you."

Johnny nodded. "I missed her. All of you."

"And your family?"

"Well, I haven't had much contact with them in the last few years."

"Why not? I would think that... Well, it's not my place. I'm sure your brother would like to see you. He's been by a few times since he came back."

"He has?" Johnny didn't hide his surprise.

Kekoa nodded. "Since he found out about Alana, he's made a point of stopping in when he can. I know he's very busy, but he seems a little lost after what happened two years ago."

"What happened?"

"You don't know?"

"I haven't spoken to my brother since Dad's funeral."

"Oh." Kekoa seemed to gain some insight from that. "He was framed for killing the governor. I think he should probably tell you the rest."

Johnny shook his head. "I can't believe it. The guy never tells me anything."

"Do you ever tell him anything?"

Johnny shrugged. "I guess not."

"So, it looks like you both have your work cut out for you."

"I don't know. Sometimes I think it's been too long. That we're better off as we are."

Kekoa shook his head with a grave look. "Never think that," he said. "Never give up on the people you love."

**H-5-O**

Steve was finally home after a long few days. There was a message on his phone that had been there since yesterday, but he hadn't had time to check it. At this point, he wanted to ignore it and go to sleep, but then he saw who it was from and decided he should listen to it.

"Hey, Steve, it's Lani," came the voice. "I was wondering if you could stop by tomorrow. I understand if you're busy, but let me know. Bye."

Steve looked at his watch. It was only six, so Alana would still be up. And if she needed to see him, he could spare an hour or so before going to sleep. He took Danny's car without thinking. He would fill it up in the morning anyway. During the drive out to the Iona's house, Steve wondered about Lani's call. She usually didn't ask him to come visit her daughter because he came regularly anyway, but he thought maybe Alana was getting worse. He hoped not, but if she was, he should see her.

Steve did it more for Johnny than even he would admit. Alana had been his little brother's best friend years ago and for some reason, Steve didn't want to let that die. He'd lost touch with all of his old friends, but not Alana for some reason. Maybe because he wished he'd had someone like her all those years ago.

As a sailor, Steve understood the importance of a safe haven and Alana had been that for Johnny when everything was going wrong in the McGarrett family. Steve wished he'd had an excuse to stay at the Iona's after school every day with his brother. They probably would have been happy to have him.

When Steve pulled up to their driveway, he saw an unfamiliar car. As he got closer, he could see it was a rental. He wondered why Lani would ask him to come over when they had company.

But as Steve walked up toward the house, he understood why. On the porch, Alana sat in her Adirondack chair and at her feet was none other than John Sidney McGarrett.

They both looked up as Steve approached, eliminating any chance of escape. Steve hated himself for thinking that way, but he really didn't want to deal with his brother at that moment. Their last conversation hadn't gone so well.

_September 20, 2010_

"_I'm glad you made it," Steve said._

"_Like I would miss this?" Johnny sounded more than offended._

"_That's not what I meant... Mary's not here."_

"_I'm not Mary."_

"_Not what I meant either."_

"_Well, I would be surprised you're here, but seeing as how..." Johnny shrugged as he trailed off._

"_I wouldn't have missed it," Steve said._

"_Guess I'll believe it when I see it."_

_Steve shook his head. This was pointless. "I don't know why I try," he said._

"_This is you trying?" Johnny said, a little too loudly. "Wow, I'm so not impressed."_

"_Are you here long?" Steve changed the subject._

"_No," Johnny said. "I fly home tonight."_

_Steve nodded. "Well, have a nice trip," he said._


	2. Letting Go

**Thanks for the great responses so far. I've decided three days is a good interval. It's not a whole week, but it;s reasonable. Did I mention my betas are wonderful? They are.  
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**Chapter Two "Letting Go"**

Johnny stared down from his place on the porch. He couldn't remember ever looking down at his brother so it was an odd feeling added to an already odd situation.

Johnny could tell Steve hadn't expected to see him, so he wondered why he was even there. Johnny didn't think his brother was the sort of person to care so much about distant acquaintances. Perhaps he was wrong.

Steve came up the first two steps of the porch and stopped. "Hey," he said and waited, as if for permission to come closer.

Johnny could see Steve tense up. He looked tired, but still his entire body was alert. Johnny wondered how he did it. He could appreciate that at least.

"I didn't expect to see you here," Johnny said in as friendly a voice as he could manage.

"Lani called me," Steve said, almost not looking at Johnny. "I thought something might be wrong."

Alana shook her head. "My mother likes to meddle," she said. "You both know that." She started to stand up and both Steve and Johnny moved to help her. "I'm fine." Alana waved them off. "I'm just going in for a minute. Wouldn't want Mom's hard work to go to waste." She disappeared inside before either of them could say anything.

"I"m sorry," Steve said quickly. "If I'd known—"

"You wouldn't have come?" Johnny said, his voice raising a little.

Steve looked miserable. "I know you don't want to see me."

"Yeah." Johnny crossed his arms. "So what are you doing here? I mean, Dad died over two years ago, and you don't owe anything to the Ionas."

"Are you going to listen to me explain it, or are you going to run off and pout like always?"

"Never mind. I don't care." Johnny moved toward the door.

"That's what I thought."

Johnny turned around. "You think just because you're older and some secret spy/ninja/cop that you know everything. And because I'm younger and _just_ a musician, I'm obviously inferior in every possible way. _That_ is why I don't care what you have to say."

"You always get mad because I don't understand you, but you never wasted a damn minute trying to understand me," Steve argued. "And I get that your pissed at Dad and me and Mary Ann too. But things change and you can't just give up on people."

"I don't have to listen to this. I don't have to let you drag me back into the family I fought so hard to get away from. You've changed, huh? When did that happen?"

"September 20, 2010," Steve said.

Johnny couldn't help it; he was curious. "What was that?"

"It was the day I met my partner, and he hit me in the face."

Johnny tried not to laugh. He thought that if anything would make his brother change, that would be it.

"So, what?" Johnny asked. "You're a new man now? You give a crap about people other than yourself?"

Johnny watched Steve take in a deep breath and close his eyes. He knew he was trying to keep from getting angry.

"More than I used to," Steve said. "Mary... Mary and I talk now. I have friends. It's not like it used to be."

"And you come here. Why?"

Steve shuffled uncomfortably. "Because she was your best friend. Honestly, I think I was trying to remember a time when things weren't so messed up."

"Living in the past. Thinking that will fix everything. You're right; people do change. I've changed. And I'm not so delusional as to think this _family_ will ever be that again."

"But that's your choice."

"Yeah, maybe it is. And I've made it."

Johnny then went inside and Steve turned back toward Danny's car. He didn't look back; it wouldn't do any good.

**H-5-O**

Johnny stood on the beach outside the Iona's house. The rhythm of the waves crashing had always inspired him, but today the beat was dissonant. The blending sounds were chaotic.

He flipped his lighter open and closed, listening to the small clinking sound it made.

Johnny had thought that a meeting with his brother would bring closure. He didn't expect these swirling thoughts to for disjointed songs and the need but the inability to write.

He wasn't supposed to become emotional about this. Johnny had lost his family when he was nine years old. But the finality, if that's what it was, came as a shock.

Johnny had spent twenty years letting go. Now that he was totally detached, he felt just that. It was as if he were floating with nothing to hold onto.

Johnny shook his head as if to clear the heavy thoughts. He had made his choice a long time ago, and now it was time to get on with his life.

The difficulty was, of course, the impending death Johnny would have to face.

**H-5-O**

Alana walked slowly, and she looked tired. She came to stand next to Johnny and she didn't say anything. For a long time, she just stared out at the waves with him.

"You fought?" Alana asked, finally turning to look at Johnny.

"Guess so," Johnny replied. "It's over now."

"Over? Just like that?"

"This isn't sudden. It's been a long time coming."

"So all those things you said to me when we were kids—"

"Were just that: the words of a kid."

"You idolized him."

"I was an idiot."

Alana shook her head. "I don't believe that."

"I don't know what to tell you." Johnny shrugged.

"He is your brother." Alana looked Johnny in the eye. "That will never change."

Johnny sighed and stared out at the horizon. "I'm trying to let go," he said.

"I'll be gone soon," Alana said without inflection or emotion. "So, I guess you're right; you will have to let go. But Steve isn't going anywhere, and if you won't listen to him, listen to me: he loves you, he wants your family to be together again, and he's actually trying."

"It's too late," Johnny said.

"Why?"

"Because the damage has been done."

Alana nodded slowly. "And you can't forgive... Or won't."

**H-5-O**

Steve wasn't sure why he ended up outside of Danny's house. He was certain his partner would be sleeping after the chaos of the last few days.

But when the front door opened and Danny was standing there expectantly, Steve took it as a sign. It was time to come clean about everything.

"Haven't had enough of me already?" Danny asked, crossing his arms and smiling.

"Something like that," Steve replied, but his heart wasn't in it, and Danny could tell.

"Something wrong?"

"Sort of. Can we talk?"

"Yeah, sure. You hungry?"

Steve was used to this. Ever since Danny and Rachel got back together, the real Danny emerged. The one that was just like his mother, always feeding people and fussing over them. Steve would never admit that he liked it. It had been a long time since anyone had cared that much about him.

Once in the kitchen, Steve could hear Grace upstairs, reading a book to her little brother, and Rachel laughing along with them. After the day's events, this little glimpse of a real family made Steve feel the loss of his brother even more acutely. He was glad Danny wasn't paying attention, or he would have come up with a name for the look in Steve's eyes. And Steve already had a name for it: the "someone I love just ripped my heart out and stomped on it" look.

The smell of Danny's lasagna brightened his spirits a little bit, and Steve wasn't past being curious.

"You cooked after all that?" he asked.

"No way," Danny replied, dishing Steve a plate. "I make them ahead and freeze them. There are like twelve lasagnas in the freezer."

Steve nodded, smirking a little. That sounded like his Danny.

"So what did you want to talk about?" Danny asked as he set the plate in front of Steve and pulled up a chair.

Steve suddenly lost his appetite. "Did I ever tell you about my little brother?" he said.


	3. Finding Out

**Chapter Three "Finding Out"**

Danny didn't say anything for a long time. He wasn't sure whether or not Steve were being literal when he said "little brother." Either way, something seemed to be bothering the usually stoic SEAL.

"You have a brother?" Danny said slowly.

Steve nodded. "His name's Johnny," he said. "He's the youngest, 29."

"Is there some reason you're mentioning him now?"

"Yeah. I told you about Alana Iona. She was his best friend when they were kids. He's come back to stay with her until... well, I don't know, actually."

"So, why do you seem so miserable about this?"

Steve hesitated in answering and Danny noticed his discomfort grow.

"Johnny does his best to avoid talking to me. And he basically just told me he never wants to see me again."

Danny was surprised and he could feel the hurt in Steve's words. Something very bad had happened in that family and Steve was beginning to make more sense to Danny with every piece of that trauma that was revealed.

And worse, if possible, Danny didn't know what to do for his friend. He was hurt that Steve had never told him about this, but that hardly seemed important now.

"When was the last time you talked to him?" Danny asked, trying to get a better idea of the relationship up to the present.

"Dad's funeral," Steve answered quickly. "Before that... A few years, no, it was six years. The last Christmas disaster before Dad decided not to bother anymore."

"So... he doesn't know about your mother's murder or Wo Fat..."

Steve looked as if it were the first time he realized that. "I guess not," he said. "I know he doesn't speak to Mary, so how would he know?"

"You gonna tell him?" Danny asked.

Steve sighed. "I should, but how is the question. I don't want to make things worse."

"I think this is just about rock-bottom, babe."

"No, he could beat me to death with his guitars."

Danny nodded in all seriousness. "I'll come with you."

Steve looked like he was going to refuse. Instead he nodded, looking at the floor. "Thanks man," he said.

**H-5-O**

Steve blinked as the sun hit his eyes. He wasn't in his bed and that instantly made him nervous. That is, until he saw the little girl standing in front of him.

"Why are you sleeping on our couch, Uncle Steve?" Grace asked.

Steve sat up. "Well," he said in a sleepy voice. "I needed to talk to Danno last night, and I was really tired, so I fell asleep here. Is that okay?"

Grace smiled. "Yeah," she said. "I love it when you stay with us. You make good eggs."

"No," Steve disagreed. "Danno just makes terrible eggs, so everything else seems good in comparison."

"Well... will you make them anyway?"

Steve grinned at the little girl. "Sure I will."

He got up and moved toward the kitchen where Danny was mixing pancakes and Rachel was making coffee.

"Are you telling lies to my little girl?" Danny asked, not turning away from the stove.

"No lies," Steve said. "Just hard truth."

"Please," Rachel said. "She _is_ only ten."

"I'm almost eleven," Grace argued. "And Uncle Steve never says anything bad. Just that Danno's eggs are icky."

"Icky, Steven?" Danny turned to look Steve in the eye.

"I believe I said 'terrible'," Steve said. "Anyway, I'm sorry to impose on you like this."

Rachel waved her hand. "It's nothing," she said. "I'm sorry you had to sleep on that couch. I believe there was supposed to be a guest room..."

Danny gestured dramatically. "I said I would finish it when I had a break from work," he said. "since that hasn't happened in... a hundred years, I haven't done it. Steve, what are you doing this weekend?"

Steve shrugged. "Helping you finish the guest room?"

"Exactly. There. Problem solved."

Rachel smiled. "I'm glad that's settled. Did you need this." She handed Steve a skillet and he smiled back at her.

"Yes, thank you," he said and then winked at Grace.

Steve was getting used to the time he spent with this family, and he hated that it wasn't real. Danny wasn't his brother and eventually he wouldn't need Steve anymore, and then Steve would be on his own again. He would claim that was how he liked it, but it was a lie. He had never enjoyed that life.

Ever since his father sent him away, Steve had felt empty. He could only imagine how Johnny felt and how that led to the rejection Steve now faced.

**H-5-O**

After several days and not another word on Johnny McGarrett, Danny decided to do some digging. He felt horrible about it, but nothing seemed to make Steve feel better after that day, even though he put on a brave face.

It wasn't that hard to find out more. Danny discovered that Johnny had been living in Portland, Oregon, and he was a musician. He went by the name JJ Sidney when he performed, which Danny thought was an interesting and useful piece of information.

Johnny's legal name was John Sidney McGarrett Jr. Danny was surprised that he had been named after his father, being the second son. He knew Steve was named after their grandfather too.

All this was superficial information in Danny's eyes. He wanted to know more of what kind of person Johnny was. The only way to know that was to meet him.

This was a tricky operation because Danny didn't want Steve to know what he was doing. But it was easier than it should have been with how distant Steve was being. Danny found an opportunity to slip out one afternoon and head over to the bar where Johnny was performing that evening.

It didn't take long for Danny to find the place and there was a rental car out front. He allowed himself a brief moment of congratulations before getting out of the car and going inside.

It was dark in the bar after the bright sunshine outside and there was only one man behind the counter.

"Can I help you?" he asked.

"Yeah," Danny said. "I'm looking for JJ Sidney."

"You know him?"

"I'm a friend of a friend. He here?"

The man nodded. "He's in back. Go ahead." He nodded to a door labeled "Employees Only."

"Thanks," Danny said and headed for the door.

There was a short hallway and then what looked like a storage room. There was a man with his back turned to Danny putting away some equipment, and Danny knew this was Johnny McGarrett. He stood a little like Steve and he had the same movements.

"Johnny McGarrett," Danny said.

He turned around looking surprised. "Do I know you?" he asked. His voice even sounded a little like Steve's.

"No," Danny said, shaking his head. "I'm Detective Danny Williams."

Something like recognition crossed Johnny's face. "Did something happen to..."

"No. Steve's fine. I'm his partner. But there's something you need to know."

"What? Did Steve send you?"

"No. He doesn't know I'm here. He wanted to tell you himself, but he was afraid of making things worse."

"Yeah. Typical. What is it he wants me to know?"

"He needs to tell you himself, but it didn't look like that was going to happen the way things were going."

Danny watched Johnny's eyes narrow and his mouth set in a firm line. He saw so many familiar quirks in this still unfamiliar face. Johnny's eyes were brown and he wore a short beard; he was smaller than Steve and his face was a little different in shape, but he still looked so much like his brother.

"So, why are you here?" Johnny finally asked. "Trying to give it a little push in the right direction or something?"

"Something like that." Danny shrugged. "I happen to believe that brothers who haven't stolen money from drug dealers should speak to one another. You want to know more, you talk to Steve."

"I see." Johnny nodded. "So you're trying to fix things for your friend."

"I don't know about that, but I'd hate to see you give up when you might like the changes you find."

Johnny looked Danny over, as if evaluating him. "Steve told me about you. Said you hit him the first day you met."

"That would be correct. He got me shot and several other things. He deserved it."

"So, what's this big change everyone keeps talking about?"

"Well, I credit my positive influence that Steve McGarrett is in fact human now. Of course, that renders him vulnerable to the effects of rejection and familial hostility."

"You're for real aren't you?"

"I know; it's hard to believe. So, are you coming or not?"

"Coming?"

"You know, back to HQ with me so you can talk to your brother and work all this out."

"I don't think anything will be worked out from a ten minute chat."

"Well, he's the boss; he can take the day off." Danny turned and walked back down the hallway, praying Johnny would follow him.


	4. Run Away

**I wasn't sure how to introduce what happens in this chapter other than the way it goes. Sorry if it's too surprising. Also, thank you to those who have been reviewing. I'd love to know what the rest of you are thinking about this story.  
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**Chapter Four "Run Away"**

Danny looked up as he and Johnny reached the top off the stairs at HQ. He could tell Johnny wasn't happy to be there even without looking at him.

As he suspected, Steve approached them, but he looked—if Danny's eyes weren't playing tricks on him—hesitant, nervous, even afraid. Danny had _never_ seen Steve look that way.

The tension was obvious. Johnny did not want to be there and Steve didn't want to make things worse, but he was frustrated. Then they started talking.

"I was told I had to see you," Johnny said giving Danny a sideways look.

"There's something you need to know," Steve said also giving Danny a look. "I would have told you the other day, but..." Steve cleared his throat. "Why don't we talk in my office?"

Johnny crossed his arms. "I'd rather not."

Steve half shrugged. "Okay," he said. "There's something you need to know... about Mom."

Johnny's eyes flickered and his mouth set in a firm line. "What about her?" he asked.

Steve sighed. "Her death wasn't an accident."

Johnny shifted his feet and his eyes wandered for a second. Then his focus came back to Steve. "Are you saying she was murdered?" he asked in a low voice.

Steve nodded.

Johnny looked back and forth, as if he didn't want anyone to hear them. "How long have you known?"

"Just after Dad died."

"And you didn't think maybe I should know?"

"Would you have answered the phone? Seriously? Because I'm trying to remember a time when we were on good enough terms that I'd be able to get a hold of you."

"You could have _tried_."

"I did try. How many times did I call you and you wouldn't answer? I don't know what you wanted."

Johnny shook his head. "So why now?"

"You're here," Steve said. "I never thought that would happen. And you deserve to know."

"Okay. What is it that I should know?"

Steve's expression said that he hadn't expected anything else. "It was a car bomb," he said as matter-of-factly as he could. "Dad was investigating connections between the Yakuza, Jameson, and a man named Wo Fat."

"Jameson, the governor? The one you were arrested for killing?"

"You heard about that?"

"Kekoa said something about it. So, she was on the take or what?"

"I don't know. Wo Fat killed her before I could get the whole story."

"So they had Mom killed? To stop Dad, or what?"

"Yeah. I think they meant to kill him, though. It was his car. We caught the guys who did it and took down several Yakuza members, but Wo Fat is still out there."

Johnny appeared to be thinking for a moment. "That's why Dad sent us away."

Steve nodded.

"So... is it... I mean, if you're still looking into this..."

"You and Mary could become targets. Mary already did."

"What?"

"She was kidnapped when she was here. They wanted to know how much she knew."

Johnny didn't say anything for a moment. "I see," he finally said. "Doesn't change much now."

A look, as if he had something to say, crossed Steve's eyes. But he didn't. He kept his mouth shut.

"So that's it, huh?" Johnny asked.

"Yeah, I guess," Steve said. "Will you... be careful?"

"I've taken care of myself for twenty years; I think I'll be fine."

Steve shook his head. "It's not the same."

"How would you know? Like I said, I can take care of myself. Will that be all?"

Steve's jaw worked as if he was angry about something but didn't want to show it. "Look, I know you can't understand this—"

"First thing you've been right about since third grade homework. Stop wasting time worrying about me, all right."

Johnny turned to walk down the stairs and Steve looked to the side as if ignoring him. "Run away, Jackie," he muttered, knowing it was loud enough to be heard.

Johnny stopped on the stairs but he didn't turn around. Danny wondered if he would say anything. He hoped so. He knew it wouldn't exactly be a nice experience for any concerned, but he thought it would be better than the two brothers never speaking again.

"I am running," Johnny said. "I suggest you do the same."

**H-5-O**

Danny watched Steve's eyes change. He knew this was very bad. And he wasn't quite sure what to do. Steve walked slowly to his office and shut thee door.

Danny heard Chin come up beside him. He hadn't thought of it, but the older detective probably knew Johnny.

"I didn't know it was this bad," Chin said.

"What did you know?" Danny asked.

Chin shrugged. "I knew they didn't talk much, but Steve was like that with Mary too. I didn't realize Johnny felt so much animosity."

Danny nodded. "Steve's a mess about this."

"How do you figure?"

"I know him. He's not doing well."

"So what are you thinking?"

"I don't know. How do you feel about alternative rock music?"

"What are you getting at, brah?"

"Oh, I'm just thinking JJ Sidney might have a few extras in his audience tonight."

"You think Steve will go for that?"

"I think he might be willing to try it at this point."

Chin shrugged. "I hope so. You'd better talk to him about it."

Danny looked toward Steve's door. He was not looking forward to this, but he knew what he had to do. As he looked through the glass, Danny saw Steve on the phone. It looked like he was listening to a message and Danny thought it safe to assume who it was from.

Danny never ceased to feel for Steve whenever he was reminded of the situation with Catherine. Sometimes it seemed like they were on the brink of happily ever after, and other times, it was a miracle they weren't having a full blown custody war. Danny didn't know what to make of it, though he had tried to help. That seemed to be the way of things lately.

**H-5-O**

Steve looked down at his phone and saw that he had a message. From Catherine. He quickly hit the button to listen to it.

"Hey, Steve," came her somewhat stressed voice. "Jack wanted to come see you tonight. If you're too busy, we can work out something else. So, uh, call me and let me know."

Steve sighed. Two more people to explain things to. He didn't have time to think more about it when Danny came into his office.

"You know what I think," he said without preamble.

"Not often," Steve replied distantly.

"I'll tell you then," Danny said. "I think I know what you're doing tonight."

Steve frowned. "I highly doubt that."

Danny nodded. "Oh, yes. You are going to a rock concert."

Steve understood Danny's meaning, but the expression didn't leave his face. "No, I'm spending the evening with Jack. I just got a message from Catherine."

Danny looked as if he were thinking. "How are things with you two, by the way?"

Steve sighed. "Not how I want, but okay."

Danny nodded. "So, no way you'll make it to Johnny's show."

"No. Not unless..."

"Yeah. Take the rest of the day to be with Jack. I think you could both use it. I'll pick you up later."

Steve didn't disagree like Danny thought he would. He just pulled out his phone and asked Catherine to bring Jack by HQ. The conversation was short, and Danny could see what Steve meant by things not being the way he wanted.

**H-5-O**

After the chaos of work and the surprise return of his brother, Steve was more than ready to take some time to be with his son. But there was something he had to do first, so when Catherine and Jack showed up, he asked them both to come into his office for a minute.

That is, after he was able to disentangle himself from the surprisingly strong arms of his little boy. Jack was talking faster than Steve could follow, probably because he left out important words, and Steve wondered if he had been like that as a child. He couldn't remember. Johnny had been.

"Is something wrong?" Catherine asked when the three of them were alone.

Steve sat on the couch with Jack in his lap who had become strangely silent. "The reason I asked you to come early," he said. "Is that my... my brother is in town."

Catherine didn't say anything for a second. "Your brother," she stated. "You... Have a brother?"

Steve nodded. "I'm sorry I never told you," he said. "Things have been... strained between us for a long time."

Catherine nodded slowly. "And they still are?"

"Yeah... yeah. It's... not good."

Catherine gave him an understanding look. "So you're going to see him tonight?"

"I hope," Steve said, absently rubbing circles in Jack's back.

"Daddy?" Jack said suddenly.

Steve looked down into the dark blue eyes of his son. "What, Jack?" he replied.

"What's his name?"

Steve couldn't help the small smile that pulled at his lips. "Johnny," he said.

Catherine stood up and brushed Steve's shoulder with her had. "I'll come by later," she said. "Let me know if... if there's anything I can do."

Steve nodded. He wished he had the courage to do just that.


	5. Questions without Answers

**So, this chapter features the first of Johnny's songs. I don't claim to be a songwriter, so you'll have to excuse my clumsy verses. Thanks for all the amazing feedback so far.  
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**Chapter Five "Questions without Answers"**

Jack asked a lot of questions. He was just that kind of kid. But they weren't silly questions like most kids asked. In fact, Steve often found it hard to answer his son, because he didn't know how to explain these things to a child.

"Is he a police?" Jack asked as they drove home.

"Is who?" Steve asked. He didn't bother correcting the sentence structure. Danny did that enough.

"Johnny," Jack said.

"Oh, no. He's a musician."

"A ma... a what?"

"He plays the guitar and sings."

"Oh. Like you!"

Steve laughed. "No. Not like me. He's really good at it. I just do it for fun."

"But you're really good at it, Daddy."

"I'm glad you think so, Jack."

"Do we getta go swimming?" Jack changed the subject, and Steve wasn't surprised.

"If you want to," he said.

Jack nodded vigorously. "Wif da sharks?" he said.

Steve's eyes narrowed. "Have you been talking to Danno?"

Jack smiled and giggled. "He's funny."

"Yeah." Steve shook his head. "He's hilarious."

"What's that mean?"

"It means... really funny."

"You're not laughin'."

Steve smiled softly. "I'm sorry Jack," he said. "I guess I'm not much fun today."

"Are you sad?"

"A little."

"Why?"

Steve really didn't know how to answer that. Not in a way Jack would understand. Steve didn't understand it. "You know how you miss me when you're with Mom?" he asked.

Jack nodded.

"Well, I haven't seen my brother in a long time, and I missed him a lot. And I might not get to see him anymore."

Jack looked sad. "Why not?"

Steve sighed. "Well... I don't know."

Jack reached over the seat, and his fingers barely touched the back of Steve's neck. "Is okay, Daddy."

**H-5-O**

Catherine didn't leave right away, and Danny noticed she was staring at the doorway as if she wasn't sure what to do. He crossed the room, not sure what to say to her, but knowing he would think of something. But he didn't have to.

"Is he all right?" Catherine asked when Danny reached her side.

He didn't know quite how to reply. "I don't know," he said. "He's kept this from everyone for so long that I think... I don't know; I think he's very overwhelmed."

Catherine nodded. "I could have brought Jack some other time."

Danny shook his head. "No, he needed this. You understand that."

Catherine nodded. "Yeah. He's just so busy."

"And that's why he needs it so much. Trust me."

Catherine didn't say any more, but Danny had a feeling she wanted to. He had an idea, but he wasn't sure how wise it was.

"Do you want to come tonight?" he asked.

"Come?" Catherine asked.

"Johnny's concert. Jack could stay with Rachel."

"I... I don't think that's a good idea. Not now, anyway. I don't want to make things worse."

"Yeah. You two are perfect for each other."

"What?"

"Oh, nothing. Apparently, I don't know when to keep my mouth shut."

Catherine smiled weakly and patted Danny's arms. "And I appreciate it."

**H-5-O**

Steve looked up at the sky that was fading to purple. Jack was getting tired after playing on the beach all day. Steve sat down in the sand and pulled Jack into his lap.

"You have fun?" he asked.

Jack nodded, resting his head against Steve's shoulder. "I wish Mommy'd come," he said.

Steve didn't say anything for a second. "Me too," he replied. For some reason, he couldn't seem to keep from saying these things to Jack.

Jack yawned and got comfortable. "Can I stay with you?" he asked.

"Not tonight, Jack," Steve said. "But maybe this weekend."

"How long is that?"

Steve smirked. "Two days," he said.

Jack yawned again. "Is that a long time?"

"No. Not at all."

"Okay."

Steve was pretty sure Jack wasn't even aware of what he was saying because of how tired he was. Steve got up and carried Jack back to the house. He left him to sleep on his bed and went to get cleaned up before Danny and Catherine showed up.

When he got out of the shower, Jack was still asleep, and Steve took a second to look in the mirror. He asked himself how he got so old. He had been well aware of the grey hairs that started showing up a few years ago, but he was seeing something else entirely. There was something in his eyes that he didn't like. They seemed darker than they used to be. Tired and sad.

Steve had no answer for himself. He didn't know how this had happened, but he knew it wasn't what he wanted from his life. To have a son he hardly saw, a woman he couldn't have, and a brother who only spoke to him under duress.

Steve ran his hands through his hair and turned away from the mirror. He walked slowly down the stairs because they creaked and he didn't want to wake Jack. It was almost dark outside, and he knew Catherine would be there any minute. As always, the thought of seeing her made him nervous. Still.

She arrived first. Steve knew the sound of her car as opposed to the Camaro. He knew that car like he knew his own face. Although, he was becoming more unfamiliar with himself.

Catherine knocked, as she always did now, and Steve went to let her in. He sighed and tried his best to pull up the mask he'd created. Still, he knew there were things she could see through.

When he opened the door, she looked at him with something like curiosity and something like sympathy. When she didn't see Jack right away, she came inside.

"I take it you two had fun," Catherine said lightly.

Steve nodded. "It's a good thing he loves the water," he said.

Catherine smiled. "What do you expect with parents like us?"

Steve couldn't help the way his heart beat faster at those words. She made it sound so simple.

"Are you gonna be okay?" Catherine asked suddenly. Her tendency to change subjects like that was something Jack had inherited, apparently.

"What do you mean?" Steve replied, trying not to show how her words made him feel.

"I mean, I know this must be hard for you, but I have no idea how much."

"I'll be fine," Steve said. "I have been so far."

"Have you? Because I'm not so sure. Steve, with everything that happened to you two years ago—"

"It was two years ago," Steve interrupted. "It's over."

"But it's not over. Is it?"

Steve didn't reply. Catherine was right that he still needed to find Wo Fat, but he wasn't sure why she was bringing it up now.

"The point is," Catherine said, "you have _a lot_ to deal with right now. I just..." She trailed of as if not knowing what she wanted to say. Or being afraid to. "I want to help," Catherine said almost defeated. "I don't want you to think you're all alone in this."

"But I am," Steve said before he could stop himself. "I think I'll survive."

Catherine seemed conflicted, as if she wanted to say more, but didn't know if she should. So, she didn't say anything. And Steve knew that he had failed one more time.

**H-5-O**

Danny was only half surprised that Steve let him drive. His partner had been even quieter than before and it was starting to scare Danny. But what to do about it was a question Danny didn't know how to answer. He hoped going to the concert would help, but he worried that it might not do any good. They had to try.

And here, Danny wondered exactly what his role in all this was. He was trying to help Steve of course, but who was he to try to mediate when he didn't even know what they were fighting over? Maybe the loss of his own brother made him single-mindedly determined not to let it happen to his surrogate brother.

They arrived at the little bar and there was a small crowd of people. They sat in the back and waited for Johnny to start his music.

It wasn't long before the show started. Steve hadn't heard his brother play since he was nine, and this was much different.

Johnny sat at one end of the room with a microphone and a guitar. The sound took Steve back to something he couldn't quite remember. The way Johnny manipulated the instrument made him think of long years of pain and loneliness. He was sure that was want Johnny meant to convey. Only they could really understand that.

Steve wished there was some way to let Johnny know that he did understand. That he had felt the same way for so long, and now he just wanted it to end. But it wouldn't.

Then, Johnny moved on to his next song.

"This is a new song," he said. "I just came up with it, so it's a little rough."

The song started with the words and then soft music:

"It's too late  
>The damage has been done<br>This is the end  
>So turn the tail and run<p>

Run away  
>It's what I'm doin'<br>I suggest you do the same  
>Just run away<p>

Why ya gotta make this so hard?  
>Why can't you just give up?<br>Just get away; go home  
>I've had just about enough<p>

Just run away  
>I don't want you to stay<br>Can't you just go away?  
>There's nothin' left left to say<br>And nothing here to save  
>There's nothing in me to save<p>

So go home; go away  
>I don't want you here<br>Don't want you to stay  
>So go away; run away"<p> 


	6. Numbing

**If you ignore daylight savings, it's Sunday here, so time for another chapter! As always, thanks for the lovely reviews and to my wonderful betas who have been reading this story since August.  
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**Chapter Six "Numbing"**

When the song ended, Danny looked to his left to see that Steve had gotten up and left. He knew why. Outside, Danny found Steve standing against the building, breathing heavily.

"Hey, Steve, are you okay?" he asked, already knowing the answer.

Steve waved him off. "I'm fine," he said, but Danny could hear the heaviness in his voice. He was barely holding together.

"Steve, he's in pain; he's lashing out."

"He hates me!" Steve drew back against the wall into the shadows so Danny couldn't see his face.

But Danny wasn't giving up that easily. He knew what to do in times like these. It looked easy to other people, but he hated doing it to Steve. He got in his friend's space. He made Steve look at him. And he kept talking.

"Hey, listen to me," he said. "Whatever you do, don't think that. He's confused, he's scared, he's angry, but he does. Not. Hate. You."

"You don't understand," Steve said miserably. "You can't..."

"No. I don't know what happened with you two, but he doesn't hate you. That's not what we do. You're a pain in the ass, but I know you're a good man, and he has to know that too. Or he will."

"Danny... I don't know if it's even worth it anymore. I mean, if he wants it this way..."

"No. No. That is exactly what you don't do. That's the easy way, but you and I both know it's not gonna happen. You can't give up on him. The very fact that he's writing songs about this means he's conflicted. It's the only way he knows to deal with it. You just have to keep trying. Show him that you're not giving up, and he might start to come around."

"Clever strategy is not going to fix this, Danno."

"Is that what I said? No. I think what I was implying was insanely hard work with minimal reward. It's what you do every day; it shouldn't be so difficult with your brother."

Steve crossed his arms. "All right, Dr. Phil, what do you suggest next?"

Danny met Steve's eyes. "You go back inside."

**H-5-O**

Steve lasted the rest of the evening, though it was difficult to listen to his brothers voice after hearing all those words he knew were directed at him. At the same time, he loved Johnny's voice. He loved hearing what his brother had accomplished. He had become a much better musician since they were kids. And he was good then.

When the concert was over, Steve thought it would be best if they left quietly, but Danny held his arm to keep him from leaving.

"He has to know you were here," Danny said.

Steve knew he was right, but it didn't make it any easier to move through the crowd toward his brother. He had no idea how Johnny would react to seeing him there. He didn't want to cause a scene. But he had to at least be seen. He had to make Johnny acknowledge him.

Since the place wasn't very crowded, Steve reached his brother sooner than he wanted to and there was no one else around.

Johnny looked up from putting his guitar away and suddenly stood upright.

"Steve?" he said.

Steve tried to smile or think of something to say, but nothing came to him.

"What are you doing here?" Johnny asked.

Steve cleared his throat. "I wanted to see this for myself," he said. "I've known what you did for a long time, but I've never heard you."

Johnny crossed his arms. "And?"

Steve hesitated. "And you're better than I remember."

"Than you remember? What, when I was a kid?"

"You were good then too."

"Okay... I really didn't expect you to be here."

"I could tell."

Johnny's eyes flickered, but he didn't say anything.

"But really, you're very good," Steve said. "I'm kind of surprised you're still doing this." He moved his eyes around the room.

"Maybe this is how I like it."

Steve nodded. "I can understand that. It feels more real, I guess."

Johnny looked a little surprised. "Yeah," he said. "How'd you know?"

"Because it felt real to me."

Johnny nodded. "Well, I'm... glad you liked it."

Before the moment could pass, Steve decided to take a chance. "Would you like to meet someone?"

"Someone?"

"My son. Jack."

A mix of emotions crossed Johnny's face: confusion, surprise, and perhaps some disapproval. "You have a son?" he said, as if he didn't believe it.

"He's two. I think he would like to meet you."

"Yeah, um... Okay, yeah."

"You'll come?"

"Yeah. When?"

"He'll be with me all weekend. We'll probably be at Danny's house Saturday, but any other time."

"All right, I'll, um, I'll see if Alana wants to come. You know, if she feels okay."

"Great. I'll see you then, I guess."

**H-5-O**

Danny didn't take Steve home, but back to his house. Steve didn't argue. He thought about it, but saw very little point.

"Before you say anything," Steve began as they got in the car. "There's something I need to say."

"Okay," Danny replied, pulling out of the parking lot.

"No, this isn't how I thought my life would turn out, and yes, I hate it. I guess I've lived like this for so long, I had forgotten what a real life was like. And now that I remember. Now that I've tasted it, I can't ever be happy like this. But... I have no idea what to do."

Danny didn't say anything for a long time. He understood what Steve was saying, but not what to do about it. There were still too many questions.

"What happened with you and Johnny?" Danny finally asked.

Steve acted like he wasn't going to answer at first. But then he did. "When we were kids, he was almost always with me. I used to drop him off at the Iona's house and then pick him up later. Then Mom died and... everything changed like that. I don't know what happened. Dad sent us away and I didn't see Johnny for years. And when I did, things weren't the same. We didn't really talk, and as the years went by he got more angry at me I think. I guess he has a right to be."

"Why's that?"

"Because I just left him to fend for himself."

"Steve, you were a teenager. You weren't responsible."

"But I was. I had been for years. Danny, our Dad checked out long before Mom died. Now I know why, but he just plain wasn't there. I was all Johnny had."

Danny shook his head. "It wasn't your fault, Steve."

"Yeah. Whatever."

"Honestly? Would you expect a sixteen-year-old to take care of his little brother when they were thousands of miles away from each other?"

"I never called. Never wrote. Him or Mary. I was being selfish."

"You were doing the only thing you knew how. Detaching."

"Because maybe if I didn't have a family, I couldn't get hurt? I did think I was better off alone. Until I came back here and realized everything I'd missed. But even then, I've made worse mistakes since."

"Such as?"

"Oh, I don't know, the glaringly obvious failing of my relationship with my son's mother?"

"So, you think it's over?"

"I don't know. I don't want to think that, but look at us."

"Yeah. Maybe if you would tell her all this instead of me, that might work out better for you."

Steve glared out the window. He hadn't planned on saying all this. It was more than he wanted anyone to know, even himself.

"Hey," Danny said, calling Steve's attention back. "You didn't fail with Catherine. From what I see, there's still hope. I know she cares about you, and I know you're stupidly in love with her."

"Danny..." Steve trailed off, as if unable to continue. "Please stop."

And there it was. The inevitable shutting down of all human feeling. Danny had seen it too many times for his liking. And he knew there was nothing he could do until Steve came back to the world of mortals.

He just hoped his partner wouldn't try to fly off any tall buildings or stop bullets with his bare hands while he was in this mood. Really, this was Danny's least favorite version of Steve.


	7. This Changes Things

**Chapter Seven "This Changes Things"**

Johnny arrived home late. The house was dark, but he passed by Alana's room just to check on her. The lights were off, but through her open door, Johnny could see Alana sitting at her window seat, looking down at the ocean.

"Shouldn't you be sleeping?" he asked softly from the doorway.

"Come in," Alana said, still facing the window.

Johnny crossed the room and dropped to his knees on the seat. Alana had her legs curled under her and her arms resting on the windowsill. Johnny watched the way the moon reflected off her eyes as she watched the waves crash in and pull out over and over again. It was so impossible to imagine the light leaving those eyes.

"You know, there was a time I was angry," Alana said. "At God or the universe or just plain, damned entropy that I didn't get to have the same life as everyone else."

"But you're not anymore?" Johnny asked.

She shook her head. "I learned to love every moment. Like this." She looked over at Johnny. "I know what so few people who do get to live know. That the time we have is a breath in the wind. I know you're probably tired of hearing this, and I swear I'm not trying to nag you."

"You think I should try to mend fences. That I've missed out on something."

"That, yes. But there's something else you may not realize: Steve needs you. You came here to be with me, and I love having you, but I would be okay without you. But Steve isn't. He hasn't been okay for a very long time, and I don't think you have either."

Johnny was silent for a moment as he stared out at the water. "You know he has a son," he said.

"Yes," Alana replied.

"You never said..."

"It didn't come up... And honestly, I wanted you to want to make things right because of Steve, not because of Jack."

"It doesn't change anything."

"But it does. Because you think Steve is just like your dad and you have to see if that's the case, and when you find out that it isn't, your entire concept of who your brother is will change."

"It's not?"

"No. Steve is a better father than most men... He was sixteen, Jackie. Can't you forgive him now?"

Johnny turned to look at Alana, something not altogether friendly in his eyes. "Don't call me that," he said shortly.

Alana recoiled a little. "Why not?"

Johnny turned back to the window. "Because Steve calls me that."

**H-5-O**

Anna Kealoha was a walking contradiction, and she was well aware of it. That's why she liked this part of the job so much. The patients who were as individual as she was. It wasn't that things were particularly difficult for her, but she'd been called "haole" enough to last a lifetime and explained her last name so many times it was part of how she introduced herself

"Anna Kealoha. I'm adopted."

People accepted that and then looked embarrassed that they had been so obvious in their curiosity.

Alana Iona was one of Anna's favorite patients. She had a sense of humor which was lacking in most terminal patients.

When Alana brought a young man to her usual visit, Anna was at first surprised, and then curious. The guy was ruggedly cute, in her opinion. She wasn't sure what came over her, but she asked,

"This your boyfriend?"

Alana laughed in such a genuine way that Anna knew he wasn't and wouldn't ever be. "No," Alana said. "This is Johnny, my best friend from way back in grade school."

"Oh." Anna smiled, maybe a little too much. "I'm Dr. Anna Kealoha." She left off the _I'm adopted_ part.

"Nice to meet you," this Johnny said with a subdued smile. "Alana talks about you a lot."

Anna looked at her patient who was smiling innocently. As she turned to pick up her chart, Anna noticed a smirk ghost over Johnny's lips and she was sure she had seen that look before.

"Hey, do I know you?" she asked.

Johnny gave her a confused look. "I don't think so," he said. "I just came back this week."

"But you know his brother," Alana said. "Steve."

"Oh!" Anna snapped her fingers. "Sorry. You just... look a lot like him."

Johnny almost frowned before putting on a fake smile. "So I'm told."

**H-5-O**

Steve woke up with a headache. It might have been metaphorical if not for the undisclosed number of beers he had last night. Steve was really on the fence as to how much his life sucked at this point, but it sure felt like it last night.

He reminded himself that Johnny was coming to see Jack. Then he sat up and sighed. Perhaps it was a step in the right direction, but it didn't make things any easier.

It was early. For some reason, Steve always woke early no matter how horrible a night he'd had. And last night had been horrible.

From the flat out rejection of his brother, to shutting out his best friend, Steve had the worst night on record. And he'd been through some rough ones.

There were nights he'd spent in and out of consciousness in countries whose names he could hardly pronounce, wondering if he would ever see the morning. This was worse.

Steve was glad he wasn't at home. Even after all this time, waking up there was like waking up to a nightmare every day. Some days were worse than others.

Whereas, Danny's house was neutral territory. He didn't have to feel anything there. But he did. Just being there didn't make everything go away. Not like he wanted it to.

Steve wondered what had become of the man who didn't care about anyone. Who didn't need anyone. He could almost hate Hawaii like Danny did for changing him, but if he were honest with himself, he knew it started long before then. Or maybe he never really was that man; he just pretended to be.

But he knew when he started to realize that. When it became harder to hide everything. It was an afternoon stranded in the Persian Gulf waiting for repairs, and he spent the entirety of it conversing with a young lieutenant.

The rest, as they say, is history. Steve was no longer able to pretend not to care.

**H-5-O**

Danny came down the stairs while the rest of the house was silent. He found Steve sitting up on the couch, appearing to be deep in thought. Danny wasn't the least bit surprised.

"We really need to finish setting up that guest room," he said, not really expecting a response.

But Steve turned and looked at him with an expression Danny didn't have a name for. "That would assume I needed it that much," he said in a hollow sort of voice, and Danny began to understand.

"You know, sometimes you just need a safe place," he said. "I know I did, and for a while, it was your house. I'm just returning the favor."

Steve shook his head. "It's not the same."

"What? You think you have to be superhuman all the time? This could be why your brother has a hard time connecting to you. I'm not trying to say this is your fault, but you can't expect things to be fine until you make them that way."

Steve stood up and walked across the room only to have nowhere to go. "It's just not that simple," he said quietly.

"Did I say it was?" Danny asked, leaning against the arm of the couch.

"No. You don't understand—"

"Then explain it to me. Don't keep telling me I don't understand and going all silent. That doesn't help anything."

Steve continued to shake his head. "My whole life... is screwed up. I have one civil conversation with my sister every other month or so. I hardly see my son. I'm not even talking about Catherine, and you see the problem with Johnny. What isn't wrong here?"

Danny met Steve's eyes with sympathy and something else. "Me," he said. Steve was about to say something, but Danny cut him off, crossing the living room to where Steve was standing. "I'm not your brother. I never can be. But I am your friend and that's never going to change. Period."

Danny put his hands on Steve's shoulders and gave them a hard squeeze. He didn't take his eyes from Steve's, willing him to understand that he was there for him no matter what.


	8. Backward, Forward, & Nothing Makes Sense

**Thanks to all of you for reading and reviewing. I love to know what you're thinking. For those who have been wanting to strangle, slap, or otherwise injure Johnny, never fear: he kind of starts to come around soon.**

**Oh, and to those who have mentioned that the like the use of flashbacks, you will love chapter nine.  
><strong>

**Chapter Eight "Backward and Forward and Nothing Makes Sense"**

Steve began to dread awareness. He began to understand how people became junkies. On whatever: drugs, sex, adrenaline.

Steve was more inclined toward the adrenaline. But Five-0 was just coming off a big case, so paperwork and physical boredom greeted him on Friday. He could almost wish for a case to interrupt the weekend, if Jack weren't coming over.

So, he got through Friday with as little grimacing as possible, because Danny would notice. He already knew more about Steve than Steve wanted to know about himself. Danny noticed anyway.

"You wanna do something else tomorrow?" he asked, sitting on the edge of Steve's desk. "The guest room can wait."

"Yeah," Steve said, looking up from his computer. "I've been promising to take Jack to see the petroglyphs sometime." It was almost a question, as if Steve assumed Danny might not want to go.

The detective did look skeptical. "You think he can hike all that way?" he asked.

"No, I have that backpack thing."

"Backpack thing?"

"Yeah. You know, to carry small people. Kids, obnoxious detectives."

"You didn't."

Steve crossed his arms and smirked.

"No. You couldn't have," Danny went on. "Because that's something we just don't talk about. Like I don't talk about your weird eyebrows."

"You just did!"

"Well, you started it. Now can we agree that this conversation never happened?"

"Yeah. Except the first part. You wanna go?"

"Sure. Grace is old enough, I think she could make it."

"You think she'll want to?"

"She wants to do everything you do. It scares the hell outta me."

Steve smiled. "Then I just won't tell her what we did this week."

"Please. I don't want you telling her what you did this morning."

"What?"

"You ran three red lights, Steven. Three!" Danny held up three fingers.

"There was no one coming."

"How would you know that with how fast you were driving? My car is not a tank. If it gets hit by another car, we _will_ die."

"You're exaggerating."

"No. No. I am performing an exercise in futility. I mean, does anything get through that thick skull of yours? I'm starting to understand why people don't want to talk to you." Danny watched Steve's face pale and knew instantly that he'd misspoken. "Steve, I—"

But he didn't finish as Steve stood up and marched out the door faster than Danny could think the words, _I'm sorry_.

**H-5-O**

Danny hurried over to Kono's office. She was busy with her paperwork and seemed oblivious to all that was going on. Danny was sure she was more aware than she let on, but he really didn't have time for that now.

"Kono, can I borrow your car?" he asked, sticking his head in her door.

She looked up at him quizzically. "Why?"

"Because Steve just drove off in mine."

"Wait. Why? And how would you possibly know that?"

"Because I said something stupid and upset him, and now he's gone off to that place he goes when he doesn't want anyone to find him."

"How do you know where it is then?"

"Because I followed him there once. I really don't have time for this."

"So you don't want to tell me what's been going on all week?"

"Not at the moment. Later."

"Fine." Kono tossed Danny her keys. "Bring it back with a full tank and I might not have to hurt you."

Danny smiled at her. "You got it, babe."

The next stage of the plan was to break a lot of traffic laws to get to Steve before he had to suffer any longer, but Chin accosted Danny before he made it to the stairs.

"What's going on, brah?" he asked with a dark look.

Danny moved his hands like he was illustrating a fish story. "Listen, you know about Johnny, and you know all the other crap Steve's going through," he said. "Well, I just made it worse, so I'm going to fix it."

"You ever thing maybe you fix too much?"

Danny sighed. "Yeah... but this really is up to me. I said something I shouldn't have and he has to know I didn't mean it."

Chin nodded. "Okay, just... know when enough is enough. He's gotta make his own mistakes."

"See that's the thing about big brothers. You should know. We don't do so well with that."

Chin nodded solemnly. "I know, Danny."

**H-5-O**

The day had been largely uneventful after Alana's doctor visit. Johnny decided to go down to the beach for a while and write. Of course, writing was a somewhat nebulous concept anymore. It could mean lyrics or music or just words on a page that meant something to only him.

Today, it was a mix of all three. Johnny's tattered notebook lay open with words crossing the pages at odd angles. And then things started coming together. At first, the lines were clumsy and halting, but they began to make more and more sense.

"This isn't all of the sudden  
>It's been a long time comin'<br>But now that I'm here  
>You won't disappear<br>And I'm left to wonder what do I know anyway  
>Oh, what do I know?<br>'Cause you seem to think  
>That there's hope for me and you to be the way we were..."<p>

Johnny trailed off, not knowing what came next.

He found that more than ironic. He had been so ready to be done with his family. To never think about any of them again, but a few things changed that.

Steve changed that by everything he did and said. By being who he was. Johnny wasn't sure he knew the man his brother had become. He knew he didn't. Nothing was turning out like he expected.

The rest of the song then seemed to write itself:

"The way we were  
>When I was nine<br>Back then, you lied  
>And I've started to wonder who I even am anymore<br>What do I know?  
>This isn't how I always thought my life would turn out<br>But I've spent so long  
>Believin' you were wrong and I had all the answers to everything<br>And I'm left to wonder what do I know anyway  
>Oh, what do I know?"<p>

Johnny strummed the last chord on his guitar and looked up as the waves kept crashing before him. Nothing made sense. And for some reason, when nothing made sense, he always wanted to talk to just one person. The one person he really didn't want to talk to.

**H-5-O**

Steve didn't know who he was. He didn't know why he was doing any of this. Nothing made sense. He was missing something. Or a lot of things.

Was he really so impossible? Yes. Danny had been telling him so for over two years now; he'd just never listened long enough to take it seriously.

Steve ran his hands down the sides of his face. How had he managed to screw everything up so thoroughly?

He recalled Danny's promise that morning: _I'm your friend and that's never going to change. Period. _Steve hoped so. He hoped this was the same as every other time Danny made a jab at his lack of social skills. It had to be; he couldn't live with anything else.

The sound of the waves coming in did not have the desired effect. Usually, that noise calmed Steve. It was the sound he fell asleep to a majority of the nights in his life. But today, it just reminded him of the chaos in his life.

Steve wondered if this was what being severely depressed felt like. The only reason he wasn't finding himself a bar and drinking until tomorrow was that Jack was coming over that night. And there it was; the one spark of light in Steve's dismal world. Even if Danny wasn't on his side anymore, Steve always had Jack.

The sound of a car brought Steve out of his thoughts. Because he knew that car. And it wasn't at all what he was expecting. That is, until he remembered that he had taken Danny's car and Kono's was the next most convenient.

It wasn't long before he heard the quick footsteps in the sand and felt a hand on his shoulder. He didn't look at it's owner, afraid of what he would see.

The sound of his partner's voice shocked Steve. It was the saddest sound he had heard save one. "Steve, I'm sorry," Danny said. He meant it. With every fiber of his being and Steve could feel it. Danny was so sorry, it hurt him. "I shouldn't have said that," Danny went on. "I didn't mean it."

Steve could only nod slowly, still not looking to his right where Danny stood. But he reached his hand across and put it over Danny's, keeping him there.


	9. The Ashes of Yesterday

**Thanks so much for the reviews. I've made it to chapter nineteen now. :D For those who like flashbacks, this chapter is so awesome, it has a flashback within a flashback... Sort of.  
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**Chapter Nine "The Ashes of Yesterday"**

_April, 1992_

_They were all in the backseat of the car which was unusual. Steve was normally in front, because he was the tallest in the whole family._

_But today was different. Today, they were driving to the airport to fly off God knew where. It was safe to say the McGarrett kids weren't speaking to their father._

_Between Steve and Mary Ann, Johnny was looking back and forth, as if for some explanation by anyone, but no one spoke._

_Steve looked up and caught a glimpse of his father's eyes in the rearview mirror before the older man looked away. There was no explanation. Steve had spent the better part of the night arguing with his father about it. He got no answers._

"_Why can't he go with me?" Steve had demanded._

"_Neither of them can take both of you," Jack McGarrett had said._

"_Then let us stay here," Steve insisted. "I can take care of Mary and Johnny. We don't even need you."_

"_Steve..."_

"_What? I don't understand? Then explain it to me. I'm not a little kid anymore, Dad. I need to know what's going on."_

"_No you don't. You need to let this go. You need to go where you'll be safe."_

"_Safe, Dad? What the hell?"_

"_Steven."_

_But Steve wasn't listening anymore. He hadn't cared if his father did oppose his language. It was none of his business, and Steve used much worse when he wasn't around anyway._

"_Dad?" Johnny piped up from the backseat._

"_Yes, son?" Jack replied._

"_When do we get to come home?"_

_There was a long pause. In his head, Steve said, _never_._

"_I don't know, Jackie."_

_**H-5-O**_

_Steve held his brother's hand as they stood in the terminal. They had all said goodbye to their father and Mary had gone off to find her gate. It was just the two of them now._

"_I wish I was going with you," Johnny said as they walked toward his gate._

"_Me too," Steve said, keeping his eyes straight forward._

_Steve didn't bother to mention the Johnny should have said _were_ instead of _was_. People told that kid what to do enough of the time; he didn't need it from Steve._

"_I'm scared, Steve," Johnny said quietly._

_Steve didn't know what to say to that. Everything's gonna be okay? It wasn't. Their mom was dead and their dad didn't want them anymore._

_Steve and Johnny stopped when the reached the waiting area. Johnny sat in one of the chairs and Steve crouched in front of him._

"_Got your boarding pass?" he asked._

_Johnny nodded._

"_Okay." Steve nodded back. "The flight attendant'll tell you what to do when you land, okay?"_

"_Okay... Steve?"_

"_Yeah?"_

"_Will I ever see you again?"_

_Steve forced a smile. "Of course you will. Maybe... I don't know, maybe we can visit each other during the summer."_

"_Promise?"_

_Steve hesitated. "Sure, Jackie; I promise."_

_Johnny's flight number was called. Steve felt his heart sink a little bit. He really didn't know when he would see Johnny again._

"_Time to go," he said._

_Johnny jumped out of his seat and wrapped his arms around Steve's neck. "I don't wanna go," he said._

"_I don't want to either," Steve replied softly._

_The final boarding call came and Steve was forced to let his brother go, waving goodbye until he couldn't see him anymore._

_There was another hour to wait before his own flight left and Steve had nothing to do but think. The weight of everything was becoming too much. He'd lost his father a long time ago, but now his mother, sister, and brother were all gone too. There wasn't a single person in the world he could rely on._

_**H-5-O**_

_December, 2002_

_Steve didn't call Johnny. He didn't visit in the summer. The two of them didn't see each other until ten years later. The one time all three McGarrett kids made it back to Hawaii for Christmas. The last time any of them saw Mary until she met Steve again eight years later._

_It wasn't a nice Christmas for anyone. Steve maintained a distant attitude. Mary acted bored. Johnny was obviously frustrated._

_To his credit, Jack did try to make it like their past holidays, but he didn't know how. It had been a very long time since Jack had felt like he knew himself much less his children._

_Johnny was talking about school and his music classes. Mary seemed largely dissatisfied with her life. Steve had been in the Navy eight years already. Just like his father and grandfather. It was ironic._

_Steve was the only one to bring his father a Christmas present. It was a model car he'd gotten in Europe somewhere. He couldn't remember._

_The week couldn't end soon enough. Everyone left separately. No one could stand the thought of riding to the airport together again._

_Steve had only really talked to Johnny once and it ended in an argument._

"_How've you been?" he'd asked._

_Johnny looked incredulous and shook his head. "Do us both a favor, and don't pretend like you care," he said._

_Steve didn't have an answer for that at first. "I meant it," he finally said. "I want to know."_

"_Fine," Johnny muttered. "Just fine. School's great; music's great. Nothing to say."_

"_Are you happy?"_

"_I don't even know what that word means... Do you?"_

_Once again, Steve had no answer. He could only shrug and wish he did. "You have a girlfriend?" Steve changed the subject."_

"_No. Girl's are a waste of time. You?"_

_Steve hadn't expected Johnny to ask. "There's... someone," he said. "Nothing too serious." He thought so anyway. He didn't dare hope for anything else._

_**H-5-O**_

_December, 2010_

_Steve was tired, but he wasn't miserable. He knew he still had a long way to go with finding out who killed his mother, but things were looking all right. They were gaining ground anyway._

_Today, Steve was ready to take a long shower and crawl into bed. He wasn't even hungry for dinner._

_But when he got home, there was a familiar car in the driveway and he was surprised that she would show up without calling. Steve hoped nothing was wrong._

_He came in the door and Catherine was sitting on the couch, looking worried. She turned to face him and he thought he saw tears._

"_What happened?" Steve asked, hurrying to Catherine's side, forgetting everything he had just been thinking._

_She seemed at a loss as she looked into his eyes. Her mouth opened as if to speak, but no words came. She leaned forward and kissed Steve very seriously. He kissed back because it seemed like that was what she needed at the moment._

_And he was glad she needed him. That he was the one she came to, whatever was going on._

"_What's wrong?" Steve asked as Catherine's lips left his for a moment. But they came back and she didn't seem inclined to answer._

_Suddenly, she pulled away, but her face was still close to Steve's and her hands rested on his neck._

"_This will change everything," Catherine said. "Forever."_

_Steve could only imagine what she meant. Was she being stationed across the world? Was she dying of some incurable disease?... Had she found someone else?_

_Steve never expected the next words that came out of Catherine's mouth._

"_I'm pregnant," she said._

_And all of the sudden, Steve knew exactly what she meant. His entire universe shifted with those two words._

_What could he say? How could he make her understand that he would be there for her and their child? To say all the things he had been feeling about her would seem hollow now. Impulsive and insincere. As intense as those feelings were and would remain, Steve couldn't seem to put a voice to them now._

_So, Steve only said, "It's gonna be okay," when that wasn't at all what he wanted to say. He looked Catherine in the eye, willing her to believe him, to hear what he couldn't say. "You're right; it changes everything, but it's okay."_

_Catherine blinked and for a moment Steve thought there might have been disappointment in her eyes, but it was quickly replaced by relief._

_She hugged him, and Steve closed his eyes. It _would_ be okay. Somehow._

_Eventually, he would find the courage to tell Catherine how he really felt about her. And that the thought of having a child with her gave him hope that they could last._

_Somehow._


	10. Not All Who Wander Are Lost

**Thanks again for all the encouraging reviews. I'm hoping to get chapter 21 done tonight. Yes, this will be a long story. :D  
><strong>

**Chapter Ten "Not All Who Wander Are Lost"**

Danny sat down with some difficulty, his hand still resting on Steve's shoulder. They both stared out at the ocean, not saying anything. Talking was what got them here, and Danny had said what he needed to say.

"I know I'm impossible," Steve finally said.

Danny was about to disagree with him, but Steve wasn't finished.

"I am extremely hard to get along with," he said. "I think I'm always right, and I'm not thoughtful at all. And you've made no attempt to spare my feelings on that. I don't see why you should start now."

"But I didn't mean to say that it was your fault that things are the way they are with Johnny," Danny said.

"No, but I think it is."

"No." Danny shook his head. "No, it's not. You are not responsible for every bad thing that happened to your family. We've been over this."

"You can say that and say that, but I'll never really believe it."

"Hey, Steve, you are all those things you said, but those are only your flaws. There's a whole lot more to you. Everything else you are is so much more important."

"I don't know what I am, Danny. I don't know anything."

"Then I'll tell you. You're committed to everything and everyone in your life. You genuinely care about the people around you as much as you try to hide it. You love your son, and you do what's best for him, even when it's freaking hard, and that's something even I haven't always been able to do."

Steve shook his head. "You'd think," he said. "That if I were doing what's best for Jack, I wouldn't be at work so much... and I'd be able to make things work with Catherine."

Danny sighed and pulled his knees up closer to himself, getting sand in his shoes. "You know, I think lately I've just been telling you what to do and what you're doing wrong rather than just being here for you like I should be."

Steve shook his head. "You haven't done anything wrong, Danny."

"Chin told me that I fix things too much. I think that's what I've been trying to do to you since I first met you."

"You have been the one person I can really trust. I guess I just got a taste of what it might be like if you really did think I was a lost cause, and I don't think I can live with that."

"No one's a lost cause," Danny said quietly, and Steve finally looked at him, knowing how hard it was for Danny to say those words.

**H-5-O**

Johnny stood before his home feeling like it was about time to run away. Very far away. He couldn't have known what just coming back to this house would do to him.

No one was home, which was good. Johnny turned to the right and took the path to the beach. It was safe there. So he recalled, anyway.

The sun was starting to set over the waves and the bright golden color brought back so many memories. He had avoided going to the coast in Oregon, even though Portland wasn't that far away. He just couldn't bear the disappointment. Nothing could ever be as good as this.

Maybe that's why he never wanted to come back. His memories of life here couldn't have been accurate. He would only be disappointed.

But staring out across the familiar ups and downs of the Pacific waves, Johnny wasn't sure anymore. He wasn't sure of anything.

The hope was that he would figure some things out tonight, but that wasn't as simple as it sounded. Johnny couldn't remember the last time he'd talked to a kid, and Steve's son could only be one or two.

The whole idea seemed slightly ridiculous to Johnny. He had never pictured his brother with kids. In Johnny's mind, Steve was cold and detached. Maybe it was the other way around. Johnny was the detached one; Steve was the hurt one.

He really didn't know anymore, and he was tired of thinking about it. The sun was almost gone now and Johnny flicked his lighter on and off. His best friend Josh had given him that lighter for his 25th birthday. It was silver and had Johnny's stage name engraved on it. Josh died two years ago in a random gang shooting in downtown Portland. It was supposed to be the third safest city in the US.

Johnny put his lighter away without actually using it. Then he heard a car pull up to the house. But when he looked up the beach, he knew it wasn't Steve. He hadn't expected this, but when the woman and a small child got out of the car, he found himself walking toward them.

The woman looked up as he approached, and Johnny saw her dark brown eyes which seemed filled with such deep, unexpressed thoughts and feelings. Johnny wasn't sure why he noticed that.

The woman picked up the boy, Jack. "You're Johnny?" she asked quietly.

"Yeah," he replied. "Guess you've heard about me."

"A little. I'm Catherine and this is Jack."

"Are you my uncle?" Jack said.

Johnny found himself smiling accidentally. "Yeah, I am."

"Where's Daddy?"

"Uh..." Johnny looked toward the road. "I guess he's not done working yet."

Catherine frowned, but didn't say anything. But Johnny thought it seemed more of a worried frown than an irritated one.

Then she started toward the front door. Johnny watched Catherine pull out her keys and let them inside.

"Jack, why don't you go put your things away," she said.

"Okay." When Jack hit the floor he was off running up the stairs.

Johnny watched him go and then turned back to Catherine. "You have a key?" he asked.

She avoided eye contact. "I guess I never gave it back," she said.

"So, you and Steve..."

"Complicated."

"I think I know a bit about that."

"Yeah? You two haven't spoken in a while?"

"Two years. And about eight years before that... Come to think of it, the last real conversation was about my third grade homework."

Catherine smiled sadly. "He helped you with your homework?"

"Yeah. All the time. Mom was so busy and..."

Catherine nodded. "Your dad wasn't there. Steve's told me."

"You were pretty close to him then?"

"I... we have a son."

"That doesn't always mean anything."

"Well, it... did, anyway."

"So what happened?"

"Nothing. That's just it. Nothing at all."

Johnny nodded. "I know exactly what you mean."

**H-5-O**

Steve saw the two cars in his driveway, and Danny asked if he wanted him to come in with him. But Steve only shook his head.

"No," he said. "I'll call you in the morning about hiking."

"Okay," Danny said quietly. "You need anything, let me know."

Steve got out of the car and pushed back any hesitation as he walked to the door. This was his home and he shouldn't feel afraid of it. He wouldn't. He loved the people inside it, and it was about time he found a way to let them know.

Words were insufficient. Words never said anything except when they said everything. And that sounded like something Chin would say. It was confusing, and it made no sense. Like Steve's life.

Opening his door, Steve heard loud footsteps on the stairs and anticipated the call of,

"Daddy!"

He didn't think about where the other two people in the house were or whether they were watching him. He bent down and picked up his son as he ran into his arms.

"Hey, Jack," he said quietly into his son's nearly black hair.

"Can we go swimming?" Jack asked.

Steve found a certain comfort in the fact that he always asked that. They were so alike in many ways that scared Steve, but this was one thing he loved. He supposed it came from Jack having two parents in the Navy. The kid probably had salt water in his veins.

Steve heard movement in the living room, and finally turned to acknowledge his guests, still holding Jack at his side.

"Is everything all right?" Catherine asked.

At first Steve wasn't sure what she was talking about. "Oh, yeah," he said. "Sorry I was late. It was... Probably Danny's fault."

Catherine managed a weak smile. "Okay, I guess I'll be going. Let me know if there's anything you need."

She said it casually, but Steve could see the look in Johnny's eyes, even from across the room, that signified he could sense the underlying tension.

As Catherine left, Jack returned to his previous question.

"Do we getta go swimming?" His voice was a little more impatient this time.

"Tomorrow afternoon," Steve said. "After your nap."

"What're we gonna do all mornin'?"

Steve smiled. "That is a surprise. But Uncle Danno and Gracie will be there."

"Can Uncle Johnny come too?"

Steve hid his surprise at the question. "If he wants to," he said. "But now I think it's time for you to go to bed."

"But I just got here."

"I know. But we have a big day tomorrow, and you'll get to stay until Monday morning."

"How far is that?"

"About 60 hours."

"That's a long time."

"I know. It's gonna be great, so you need to get lot's of rest tonight."

Jack yawned. "Okay..." He leaned his head on Steve's shoulder and Steve had a feeling he would be asleep before he could get him upstairs.


	11. Ohana Means This

**Thank you to all my wonderful readers. Well, I haven't finished chapter 21 as it is proving to be challenging, but I still have nine more done after this one, so I wouldn't worry about it.  
><strong>

**Chapter Eleven "Ohana Means This"**

Steve and Johnny sat at the kitchen counter. Johnny thought of several ways to start the conversation, but he didn't say anything for a while. He wasn't sure what the most important thing to say was.

Finally he asked, "What's the big surprise?"

Steve gave him a curious look before remembering what he meant. "I'm taking Jack to see the petroglyphs," he said. "Danny's bringing his daughter."

"You been up there since..."

"Yeah. Nothing's changed."

"Kinda like here... I mean, I showed up tonight and wondered if I'd ever left."

"I know. That's how I felt when I came back. Except..."

"What?"

"Nothing. You don't need to hear all that."

"The place was a crime scene," Johnny deduced. "Honestly I'm surprised you still live here. I'd want to bury the place with... everything."

"I guess I'm not very good at letting go."

Johnny nodded. "I knew that."

"So is there any hope?" Steve didn't waste time. "I mean, it seems like we both want exactly the opposite here."

"Guess I was gonna ask you the same question."

Steve met his brother's eyes. He hadn't expected that. He had anticipated accusations, frustration, anger. All the things he'd seen before. Not this.

"What do you mean?" Steve finally asked.

Johnny shrugged and looked away. "Just that nothing is quite as I expected it to be," he said. "And you know what I always did when something didn't make sense?"

Steve nodded, hardly thinking. "You came to me," he said.

"So, I guess that's why I'm here. I was sitting on the beach thinking about how nothing was making sense, and I had to come here."

Steve let the weight of that statement sink in. Even after all these years, Johnny still felt like Steve had all the answers. And this time, Steve couldn't let him down, but he was so afraid of saying the wrong thing and Johnny walking out the door to never return. The same fear he had when Catherine told him she was pregnant.

Perhaps all this time, the truth would have been the best. But Steve wasn't sure even he was ready for that. Still, he had to say something, and he couldn't bring himself to make any inspiring monologues at the moment.

"I don't know if we can ever work this out," he said. "I know I want to, but you have to as well. As much as I like to think I can, I can't fix this. I can't make you forget everything that caused you to stay away. But here's the thing, Jackie: I'll always be your brother, no matter what I do or don't do. You can choose to ignore that, but I don't think it's going to help."

"Help?"

"You said nothing made sense. Ignoring your family isn't going to help."

"Is that your answer?"

Steve shook his head. "I don't have any answers, Johnny. I don't know what to do... So, do you want to come?"

"Come where?"

"Tomorrow. Do you want to come?"

Johnny seemed to think about it for a long time. "I want to go," he said. "But I don't think it's gonna be easy... On me or you."

Steve nodded. "It hasn't been up until now."

Johnny sighed and ran his hands down the sides of his face and thinking it was about time he trimmed the hair growing there. Then he nodded. "I'll be there," he said.

**H-5-O**

When Steve came in from his morning swim, Jack was still sleeping soundly. With a smile, Steve thought that it was a good thing he put him to bed when he did. He hated to to wake Jack when he looked so peaceful, but they needed to get ready if they were going to make it to the petroglyphs and back before it got to hot.

When Jack opened his eyes, he seemed unsure of where he was. Then he smiled. "Mornin' Daddy," he said.

"Morning, Jack," Steve replied. "Time to get up."

Jack jumped out of bed and hurried to his dresser. "What are we doin' today?" he asked.

Steve shook his head. "Still a surprise," he said, following Jack and helping him get dressed.

"And then we getta go swimmin'?" Jack asked as his t-shirt came over his head.

"Yes," Steve said with a smile. "We get to go swimming this afternoon."

"Is Uncle Johnny comin'?"

Steve nodded. "He said he would meet us there."

"What's for breakfast?"

Steve grinned. Jack never stopped asking questions. His favorite topics were swimming, family, and food in that order.

They had a quick breakfast before packing up the truck and heading for the Williams' house. Jack didn't stop talking along the way about how excited he was and asking where they were going and reminding Steve that he'd promised they would go swimming later.

When they picked up Danny and Grace there was more talking. Grace was so excited that she got to go hiking with Danno and Uncle Steve.

Danny was uncharacteristically quiet, and Steve thought it might have to do with overhearing Jack say to Grace that Johnny was coming.

"How are you doing?" Danny finally asked when the kids were busy talking in the backseat.

"I'm okay," Steve replied. "It's something. More than I was expecting anyway."

Danny only nodded.

**H-5-O**

Johnny was pretty sure his feet would really hurt by the time he got back home, but not surprisingly, the best shoes he had were his Chucks. But he was going. He could blame Steve for his blisters later.

When he pulled into the parking lot at the base of the trail, Johnny felt a lot like he had the night before. That a semi-truck had just barreled into him and he couldn't move, couldn't think, couldn't breathe.

This really wasn't anything new though. It had been a long time since Johnny had felt like he could do those things. It had been worse since Josh died. And Johnny didn't know how he was going to lose Alana too.

Ultimately, maybe that's why he was here. He couldn't be completely alone in the world, and Steve was far better than no one.

So, Johnny got out of his car and walked across the parking lot to where Steve and the others were already getting ready. When Steve saw him, Johnny thought he might have had an amused look on his face.

"What's so funny?" Johnny asked.

Steve shrugged, smiling now. "You need to borrow some shoes?" he asked.

Johnny looked down at his feet. "They have their uses," he said.

Steve nodded and reached into the backseat of the truck. "But hiking isn't one of them."

Steve handed Johnny the extra pair of boots he always had, and Danny gave him an incredulous look.

"What?" Steve asked.

"You keep spare boots in your truck?" he said. "I mean, I knew about the grenades and heat seeking cameras and diving gear, but shoes."

"Be prepared, right?" Johnny said.

"Exactly." Steve gave Danny a look that said, _see there? I'm always right._

Danny shook his head and sighed. "Two of them," he muttered.

Jack and Grace were playing next to the trail as this happened, but Steve called them over, saying they were ready to go.

Jack came running, holding something out to show Steve. "Look what I found, Daddy," he said.

In Jack's hand was a rock. There was absolutely nothing interesting about the rock. It was a boring, brown rock.

But Johnny watched in amazement as Steve crouched down to Jack's level and said how great that was and what kind of rock he'd found. There wasn't the slightest hint of condescension in Steve's voice and Johnny began to realize something that scared him. But he kept watching.

Jack wanted to keep the rock, but Steve told him they should leave it there so other people could see it too. It was the same reasoning their father had used when Mary Ann wanted to pick flowers. That nature didn't belong to them and they were just there to look.

It had been a long time since Johnny had recalled a pleasant memory of his father. And he never thought Steve being like him would be a good thing.

It all made sense now. Steve was a surrogate father. But how was he to know that or take on the responsibility if he did?


	12. Jack

**It's Thanksgiving. I'm thankful for all the wonderful people I've "met" through this site. I've gotten so much help and encouragement from so many of you. Of course, I'm especially thankful for my beta readers, SugarMuffin08 and Riter's Fury. They have been an endless supply of constructive criticism and honesty as well as extensive praise.  
><strong>

**Chapter Twelve "Jack"**

_June, 1990_

_Johnny stood at the top of the world. He'd never seen anything so big, so long, so... forever. In the background he could hear his father's voice telling stories about the pictures on the rocks. There was a name for them, but he couldn't pronounce it._

_Mary Ann was asking all sorts of questions. But Steve didn't say anything. He came over to stand next to Johnny as he looked out across the scene below them._

"_You think it goes on forever?" Johnny asked._

_Steve laughed. "No," he said. "Everything ends sometime."_

"_Everything?"_

"_Well, I guess you never know. Maybe you should write a song about it."_

"_Really? Or are you just saying that?"_

"_Really. I mean, that's how you make sense of the world right?"_

"_Yeah. And you beat people up."_

"_Hey, it's called football; it's a sport."_

"_A sport where you beat people up."_

"_No. That's hockey. It's what they play in Canada. And anyway, I'm a quarterback, which means _they_ try to beat _me_ up."_

"_Yeah... Are you sure it's safe?"_

_Steve laughed again. "Sure. We wear pads and stuff."_

"_Then why is Mom always doing this?" Johnny held out his hands and made fists._

_Steve laughed. "Because Mom worries too much."_

_Johnny shook his head. "I think it really is dangerous," he said. "You just don't want me to think it is. But it's okay, because I never want to do anything like that."_

"_Good," Steve said. "You grow up and be a famous guitar player. Nobody trying to kill you there."_

**H-5-O**

Johnny heard children laughing in the back of his mind. He thought about that for a second, the way laughter echoed through the mountains and never seemed to end. _Everything ends sometime_.

"Everything Ends" was the title of a song he'd abandoned years ago. Probably because he didn't know the end of anything. His life was like an eternal horizon; he knew there was an end, but could never get there.

When Josh died, it didn't feel like the end. The same with Johnny's father, and his mother. There was still something to do. Maybe it was Alana. Maybe when she died, it would be the end, and Johnny could finish his song.

But then there were Steve and Jack. Still very much alive, still vibrant in a way. Jack was like every bright color put together. Steve was the background of grey and purple that kept it from overpowering everyone.

Jack laughed louder, almost like a scream, and Johnny turned from the green panorama, back to the group. Steve and Danny were chasing their kids around the rocks, always letting them escape at the last second. And for less than a moment, Johnny saw every bright color in Steve's eyes.

There was life there. Something that refused to die.

Johnny felt a sudden urge to sit down, lightheaded and tired. He found a nearby boulder and dropped heavily onto it. His hand went to the side of his head as if the altitude bothered him. It didn't. Johnny had been backpacking in the alpine Eagle Cap Wilderness of Eastern Oregon, otherwise known as "Little Switzerland." This was no worse than that, and it wasn't as cold.

Johnny hadn't really anticipated, or had ignored, the effects that coming home would have on him. Everything had been building to this moment since the plane landed, but he didn't know what to do with it. He didn't know how to accept that Steve wasn't the same. There was this thing called growing up that Johnny never really understood.

**H-5-O**

Somehow, Steve ended up on his back in the grass with Jack and Grace on top of him and Danny cheering them on. It seemed a little unfair, but with Steve, a fight never was fair. Unless maybe, he was up against a few ninjas.

Out of the corner of his eye, Steve saw Johnny sitting a little way off and devised a plan. Pulling Jack down so he could whisper in his ear, Steve explained his plan.

The weight on his chest and stomach lifted almost immediately because Jack could incite Grace to do almost anything. Danny called him an instigator.

Steve got up and walked over to his friend who was watching Johnny fall behind the rock he had been sitting on.

"You're evil. You know that, right?" he said when Steve's boots were all he could see of Johnny.

"What do you mean?" Steve asked innocently.

Danny only shook his head and listened to the kids excited voices and Johnny's protests. "Is there some reason you did that?" Danny asked.

Steve shrugged. "Now I get to go rescue him."

As Steve walked away, Danny called after him. "You have problems!" he said. "You need help!"

Johnny was on his back with his feet still over the rock and two noisy children sitting on his stomach when Steve found him.

"Need some help?" Steve asked, not waiting for an answer as he picked up Grace first and then Jack. He held them as if they weighed nothing.

Johnny grumbled something unintelligible as he crawled out of the deep grass. "As if it wasn't your idea," he said when he got to his feet.

Steve put the kids down. "Why don't you go chase Danno for a while?" he said.

They ran off with more excited squeals and laughter. Steve was still smiling, and Johnny wondered if he could somehow turn off all his problems at will. Or maybe there was something to his suspicion that Steve turned into a different person around Jack. It wasn't all that far-fetched, really.

"You okay?" Steve asked so abruptly that Johnny didn't have time to lie.

"I... don't know," he said.

Steve's eyes turned hard again. The way they were when he was faced with something of emotional complexity. It wasn't really his area of expertise.

"I know you said this might be hard," he said.

"I don't have the words," Johnny said.

"But you'll find them," Steve said confidently.

"I don't know. You seem to think I have the words for everything, but you have no idea how long I've been trying and failing to write about everything."

"Everything?"

"Literally. I don't compartmentalize. You... you seem to be able to turn your feelings on and off. It actually scares me."

"I can't turn it off, Johnny," Steve said. "I just hide it better than most people. I was trained not to feel anything about what I couldn't control. Not that it really works; I just got really good at pretending."

"Guess you're still pretty good then, because I really don't know how you feel about all this."

"Which this?"

"This." Johnny gestured around them. "I mean, you come up here and you act like it doesn't bother you. Like Dad didn't used to bring us up here. Like there are no bad memories on this island."

Steve shook his head. "I've had two years to get used to it," he said. "It wasn't easy when I first came back. I'm still not really at ease. But it gets better."

Johnny looked out again at the valleys and hills below. "I wish I could believe that."

**H-5-O**

At the base of the mountain again, Johnny exchanged his shoes, and Steve invited him to bring Alana over later. Surprisingly, Johnny said he would if she was up to it.

Back at home, Jack and Grace were both sleeping, Danny was watching baseball, and Steve was standing in his son's doorway, holding his phone, and trying to make himself call Catherine. He knew she would come if he asked, so why couldn't he make that call?

Steve put his phone away and went back downstairs. Danny wasn't looking at him, but he could tell his friend was thinking. Steve wasn't about to start the conversation though.

After a few minutes of silence, Danny turned his head away from the game. "Did you have a nice talk with your brother?" he asked.

Steve hesitated. "It was... better," he said. "We have a long way to go."

"The point is that you're going, though, right?"

"Yeah."

"So?"

"So what?"

"What's bothering you? I mean, more than usual."

Steve sighed and looked anywhere but Danny's eyes. "Catherine," he said.

"What? I thought she was being really great about everything."

"_She_ is."

"Then what's the problem?"

"I don't know."

"Don't know or don't want to tell me."

"Danny—"

"Hey, you brought it up."

Steve ran his hands up and down his face as he thought about how to say what he needed to. "Jack has never been about us," he finally said. "We don't interact with him together. We're not a family. I mean, the closest thing I've come to feeling like I have any family at all was today, and that wasn't exactly perfect."

"So what are you going to do about it?" Danny asked the question honestly, no sarcasm or cynicism.

"I don't know. I don't think there's anything I can do."

"Well." Danny stood up and turned the TV off. "You can always call her." With that he left the room.


	13. Josh

**Thanks for all the reviews and so on; I really appreciate you guys. I'm updating an hour early because I want to go to bed, but hey, it's Sunday one time zone over. Enjoy!  
><strong>

**Chapter Thirteen "Josh"**

_September, 1992_

"_Hey!" a bigger boy called down the hallway. He didn't sound angry, but he didn't sound happy either._

_Johnny McGarrett turned around, sighing. "Yeah?" he said._

"_Are you new here?" the boy asked, catching up._

_Johnny nodded._

"_Cool, I'm Josh Masters. You're in homeroom now, right?"_

"_Yeah."_

"_This way. Me too."_

"_Oh, uh... why were you coming out of the principal's office?"_

_Josh shrugged. "'Cause he's my uncle and he thinks I'm acting out 'cause my mom and dad are splitting up."_

"_Are you?" Johnny's eyes widened._

"_Naw. I just think school is stupid. Anyway, what's your name?"_

_**H-5-O**_

_June, 1995_

_Josh flipped his skateboard up and gave Johnny a curious look. They were standing on the sidewalk outside Josh's Dad's house. School had just ended._

"_Why do you wanna waste your summer working?" Josh asked. "We've only got three months of precious freedom."_

_Johnny sighed. "Because I want this," he said, and showed Josh the crumpled catalog page he had been carrying everywhere._

_Josh's eyes widened at the price tag on the shiny electric guitar. "How're you gonna afford this mowing lawns?"_

"_My dad gave me some money for it for Christmas, but I need about half to cover the whole thing, and Uncle Mike won't let my get it unless I work for it."_

"_What're you gonna do with it?" Josh asked._

_Johnny smirked. "What do you think?"_

_**H-5-O**_

_April, 2002_

_Freshman year was almost over, and Johnny was about ready to give up. He knew he needed the tools his professors could give him, but he also knew that he knew more about music than any of them ever would._

_And it was April. The worst month of the year. And it was a major anniversary._

_Johnny stared at the phone, debating whether he should call or not. He hadn't in the last ten years and Steve hadn't called him either._

_The dorm room door slammed open, and Josh came running into the room. "Hey, get off your ass, McGarrett," he said. "I just met the most amazing girl, and she has a friend who loves sensitive musicians."_

_Johnny half glared at his friend. "Really? Is this gonna be like last time, where I ended up babysitting your date's golden retriever? You know I hate dogs."_

"_Nothing like that," Josh promised. "She's got two legs and she's taller than me."_

_It was ironic. In grade school, Josh had been bigger than Johnny, but he hadn't grown much since junior high._

"_Okay, what's her name?"_

"_Jessica."_

"_Lovely."_

"_Why do you sound sarcastic?"_

"_Seems like every girl's name is Jessica. How am I supposed to write about a girl named Jessica?"_

"_You don't have to."_

"_Then why do I bother meeting her?"_

"_Because your best friend wants you to?"_

_Johnny sighed. "Fine. But nothing's gonna happen."_

_Nothing did._

_**H-5-O**_

_January, 2010_

"_No, no," Johnny said. "Lady Gaga is a waste of amazing talent just like every other pop star out there."_

"_So if you wrote songs for Lady Gaga...?" Josh posed._

"_I could never do that. I only see things through my own lens, you know."_

"_Yeah. I know." Josh shook his head and continued flipping through used CDs. "I still don't get your morbid fascination with nineties grunge and emo punk."_

"_How do I even begin to answer that question?" Johnny spread his hands._

"_It wasn't a question; it was a statement."_

"_Hey!" the store manager called out to the two men. "You gonna buy something, or perpetuate your bromance and scare off all my customers."_

"_Pretty sure that's not a word, Lenny," Josh said._

"_Bromance?" Johnny asked._

"_Yeah. I mean, try using that on Microsoft Word."_

"_I use OpenOffice."_

"_Whatever."_

_Johnny laughed. "We'll get outta your hair, Lenny."_

"_Oh, that's funny," the balding manager said. "See you next week."_

_Laughing as they went, Josh and Johnny left the music store and stepped out onto the sidewalk in downtown Portland._

_There was a moment's silence before the gut-wrenching _pop, pop_ sound echoed through the street. Johnny saw his friend's body jerk and then fall, just as he felt a burning pain in his shoulder, tasted metal, and lost consciousness._

**H-5-O**

Anna had to admit to herself that she was a little disappointed when Johnny McGarrett wasn't at the Iona's house that morning. Alana seemed to notice.

"He's hiking with his brother," she said.

"What?" Anna asked, as if waking from a deep thought.

"Johnny. He's with Steve."

"Oh, I..."

"You didn't have to ask. I could see the way you looked at him the other day."

It was silly, Anna told herself. She didn't know anything about Johnny except that he was cute. That was it. Being interested in him would be completely ridiculous. But she was.

"He's an amazing guy," Alana said with a nod, almost as if she were speaking to no one. "He's more like his brother than he wants to admit."

"Why's that?" Anna asked, in spite of herself.

"Johnny has a hard time forgiving people. He doesn't want to be like what he thinks Steve is."

"But Steve seems like a great guy too. I can't believe they're having that much trouble."

Alana sighed. "They haven't been close in the last twenty years. Well... that's misleading. They've been at odds for the last twenty years is more like it."

"That's...sad. Do you know why?"

"Mmm... sort of. It has a lot to do with how their dad sent them away after their mom died... It's a very long story."

"Sounds like it. But they're together today?"

Alana nodded. "And so far, I haven't heard of either of them falling off a cliff." Alana looked at the sun. "Johnny should be back soon, but if he's not, I won't be disappointed... You might."

"What?" Anna didn't hide her embarrassment very well.

"Please. Anyone can see you like him."

"I don't know him."

"All right. You like what you see and want to learn more."

"Is it that obvious?"

"Of course it is. Johnny will never say anything or acknowledge it. He's too... well, to tell you the truth, he's more detached than he wants to think he is. He's been hurt by so many people that he doesn't want to let anyone else in. I'm a little worried about what will happen to him when I'm gone."

"Is there... anything I can do?"

"I don't know. I really think he needs to repair his relationship with Steve. That's why I hope he stays out longer today."

But as if in direct opposition to Alana's wishes, Johnny's rental car pulled up. Anna couldn't help being a little excited to see him, but from what Alana had said, she knew she didn't really have a chance.

As Johnny came up the walk, Alana watched him. He didn't seem exactly happy, but not as tense as he had been. He was calm.

"Did you have a nice morning?" Alana asked.

"Yeah, it was fine," he said. "Got tackled by a couple of kids who probably had pure sugar for breakfast. Hi, Dr. Kealoha."

Anna's head snapped in his direction. "Hi," was all she could manage to say.

"Anyway," Johnny went on. "How would you two like to spend the afternoon on a very private beach with the very intelligent company of a ten-year-old and a two-year-old?"

Alana's eyes brightened. "You're going over to Steve's house?"

"Yeah, I told him I'd see if you were up to it."

"Definitely. I haven't seen Jack in a while, and I want to meet the infamous Detective Williams."

Johnny smiled. "You're welcome too, Doctor," he said.

"Oh," Anna started. "You can call me by my first name; I'm not working... and I wouldn't want to intrude."

Johnny smiled genuinely. "You wouldn't be. I invited you."

Anna smiled back. "Well, in that case, I'm glad I brought my swimsuit."

**H-5-O**

When Catherine pulled up to Steve's house, there were already a bunch of other cars there. One looked like the car Johnny had driven the night before. The others she didn't recognize besides Danny's. There were loud voices carrying up from the beach and that's where she found everyone.

Steve was in the water with the kids and two women. One, Catherine recognized as Alana Iona, whom she had met once when Jack was still a baby. The other was unfamiliar.

Rachel and Danny were sitting in the wooden chairs, just out of reach of the waves, their little boy playing in the sand at their feet. Chin and Kono were sitting in the sand closer to the water. And Johnny was standing back a little, watching everyone.

Catherine came up beside him. "Hi," she said.

"Hey." Johnny smiled. "I didn't know you were coming."

"Steve just called me a little while ago."

Johnny nodded. "So does that happen often?"

"What? Beach parties? Not really. Hey, who is that?"

"Dr. Kealoha?"

"Am I supposed to know who she is?"

"No. She's Alana's doctor. And best friend, it seems like."

Catherine raised her eyebrows. "You mean other best friend?"

"Yeah." Johnny rubbed his shoulder absently.

"You okay?" Catherine asked, her tone changing to a more serious one.

"Yeah, I just... hurt myself a few years ago, and it's sore sometimes."

From the tone of his voice, Catherine could tell Johnny wanted her to drop it. That there was more to what happened to injure his shoulder than he made it seem. But it wasn't her place to ask.


	14. Shattering

**Finally, some action. It's taken long enough, I know. Thanks for all the reviews. I hope you guys like this chapter.  
><strong>

**Chapter Fourteen "Shattering"**

Jack wanted to build a sandcastle. Actually, he wanted Johnny to help him build a sandcastle. By this time, Grace had managed to drag her parents into the water and Danny stood in the shallows looking about as comfortable as a goldfish in a piranha tank. Steve, Chin, Kono, Catherine, and Anna were further out in the water, leaving Johnny effectively alone with his nephew. He would be lying if he said he hadn't been waiting for this.

Jack started out shoveling dry sand into a little bucket and giving off an exasperated huff when it didn't come out right.

Johnny sat down near him and started filling another bucket with wet sand. He packed it in and smoothed out a space. Then he set the bucket on end and puled it up to reveal a nice little tower.

Jack stared. "How'd you do that?" he asked.

"The dry sand doesn't stick together," Johnny explained. "But this stuff is perfect."

Jack moved closer to Johnny and started filling his bucket from the same divot Johnny had. When his tower stood next to Johnny's, he clapped his hands.

"We're gonna have the best castle ever!" he said.

"Of course we are," Johnny replied, filling another bucket.

"And then we'll show Daddy and Uncle Danno and they'll be astonished."

Johnny stared at Jack in shock. "How do you know a word like that?"

Jack looked up, a little confused. "People read to me a lot," he said. "Uncle Danno tells me what words mean."

Johnny smiled. "My dad used to do that," he said. "He read us Sherlock Holmes stories."

Jack made another tower. "Do you miss your daddy lots?"

Johnny didn't realize that Jack understood that his grandfather was dead. "Sometimes." Johnny nodded. "But it's been a long time."

"Oh... I miss my daddy when I'm not here."

"Do you stay here a lot?"

Jack nodded. "We used to more."

"You mean with your mom?"

"Uh-huh. But Mommy doesn't stay anymore. I asked her if she loves Daddy, but she wouldn't tell me."

Johnny didn't say anything for a long time. Jack was only two. He shouldn't have to deal with these things. He shouldn't have to wonder if his parents loved each other because the next step was wondering if they loved him. Johnny had far too much experience in that area.

"What happened to your arm?" Jack asked, pointing to the scars on Johnny's shoulder and chest.

Johnny had to reorient himself. He had expected this question, just not from Jack. "I, uh... got hurt a long time ago," he said. "It's a scar."

"Oh," Jack said, looking back at his half-done sandcastle. "Daddy has scars like that. He says the bad guys did it. Did the bad guys hurt you?"

"Uh, yeah, but that was really far away from here."

"Oh... Can we make a keep?"

"A what?"

"The inside of the castle." Jack pointed to the center of their ring of towers.

"How did you know that word?"

"Mommy read me a book 'bout castles." Jack handed Johnny a bigger bucket and looked at him expectantly.

**H-5-O**

Catherine had long since put Jack to bed and gone home. Anna took Alana home as well. The Williams family left to put their children to bed, and Chin and Kono had just driven off.

Johnny knew what was coming next. He had seen the way Steve watched him all evening, the way he stared at the ugly scars on his shoulder and chest. Of course, Steve knew what kind of injury would cause such scars.

Steve half sat, half fell down in the sand next to Johnny. He was still dripping even though the sun was going down. Johnny felt him sigh.

"I know what you've been dying to ask," Johnny said. "So I'll just tell you now, don't."

Steve opened his mouth and closed it again. Johnny could feel the need for Steve to ask this question and the struggle that was bubbling to the surface. Steve was trying to give Johnny what he wanted as much as it went against his nature.

"It was two years ago," Johnny said, hoping to ease the tension. "It's nothing you need to worry about."

But he would. Johnny knew Steve would worry. He wouldn't ever really let it go. That was Steve; he didn't let things go. Period.

"It was a random drive by, okay?" Johnny said. It was amazing to him that Steve hadn't said a word, and yet he felt like he was being interrogated.

"In Portland?" Steve asked quietly. "The third safest city in the U.S.?"

"I don't know, all right? The police never found the guys, I never saw them..."

"Why didn't you tell me?"

"I don't know if you've noticed, but I haven't exactly been speaking to you for the last twenty years."

"You got shot, Jackie!"

"Yeah, and I didn't die. End of story."

"It's never the end of the story."

"What?"

"I've been shot. Many times. Living through it is never the end... and I find it hard to believe this was a coincidence."

"Why? No one has a reason to kill me."

"When was it, exactly?"

"January, why?"

"Because that was the same time Mary Ann was kidnapped and we arrested Hiro Noshimuri."

"So you think they sent someone to kill me too? That doesn't make any sense."

"About as much sense as any of it makes. Mom was killed because of what Dad was investigating. Then Dad was killed, Mary kidnapped, you shot, and me framed."

"I really don't want to talk about this."

"What do you want to talk about?" Steve finally looked at Johnny as if daring him to say something. Anything.

**H-5-O**

Catherine arrived at Steve's house Monday morning as a slight drizzle began to fall from the sky. Steve was just bring Jack down the stairs as she came in the door.

"Hey," she said brightly. "You have a good weekend."

Jack was very concentrated on the stairs beneath his feet, so Steve answered for him.

"Yeah," he said. "We helped Uncle Danno finish his guest room yesterday. Finally."

"Mommy, I made biscuits!" Jack said, jumping off the last step.

"Biscuits?" Catherine asked.

"Cookies," Steve said. "Rachel had the kids help her."

Catherine smiled knowingly. "Oh? Were they good."

Jack nodded with a big grin on his face.

"And someone was bouncing off the walls the rest of the day," Steve said. "Which, incidentally, had just been painted.

Catherine laughed. "You know, you're starting to sound like Danny?" she said.

Steve shook his head. "He's the only person I spend considerable time with. What do you expect?"

Catherine shrugged. "No less," she said. "See you next weekend?"

"Yeah." Steve nodded. He bent down and kissed the top of Jack's head. "Be good."

Jack turned around and gave Steve a hug. "Bye, Daddy!" he said.

Steve hugged back and ruffled his hair. "I love you, Jack."

"Love you too, Daddy."

As he let go of his father, Jack took Catherine's hand and headed for the door. Steve watched them go and held those words in his mind. He never knew when a day might come that he would never hear them again, or worse, Jack would never hear them.

**H-5-O**

It began raining in earnest. Steve wanted to get malasadas. Johnny was pretty sure Steve didn't even like the things, but he recognized the gesture. And besides, Johnny hadn't eaten a malasada in twenty years.

Steve only ate half of his, but Johnny thoroughly enjoyed the rest of it. As they sipped their coffee, Steve gazed out the window, and Johnny watched him.

"Nice Oregon weather," he said. Johnny couldn't believe he'd just made small talk with his brother.

"Did you like it there?" Steve asked, transitioning smoothly.

"It was all right. Great music scene, hideous income tax."

"Did you have a lot of friends?"

"A few... Look Steve, I know you called Portland PD this weekend. You probably talked with Isaac

Masters, so you know all about Josh."

"I want you to tell me."

"You know what, I don't give a damn what you want. He died; I didn't. The end."

"You keep saying that, but Johnny, it's never over until you deal with it. He died because he was standing in front of you. You feel guilty."

"Don't you dare tell me how I feel. You weren't there. You didn't know him."

"No, I didn't. But I've known plenty of guys, more than I care to count, who've died right next to me and you always wonder: why him and not me?"

"So is it about time we accept that everyone we love dies and get over it?"

Steve was about to argue, but Johnny cut him off.

"Come on. You'll be late for work, and I promised Alana we'd make cookies and watch a girly movie."

They stood up and Steve paid for their breakfast. "This conversation is not over," he said as they headed out the door.

Johnny felt himself smirking as they stepped outside into the downpour. Neither of them had any aversion to water, so they walked back to 'Iolani Palace.

When they got to the front steps, Johnny was about to leave to find his car when he felt something hit him from behind with such force that he fell to the ground. The scraping on his hands and knees was forgotten with the sound of gunshots shattering the peaceful rain.


	15. Wake Up

**Never fear; they're still alive! :D Thanks for all the reviews. You guys are awesome.  
><strong>

**Chapter Fifteen "Wake Up"**

Steve's arm was pushing down on his shoulders. Johnny was surprised at how much Steve could do with one arm. But as he became more aware of himself he realized that Steve was half on top of him with his hand wrapped around his head.

Johnny felt nine years old again. He tasted blood on his tongue, and everything hurt. He blinked hard and felt lightheaded.

And then he woke up. Harsh white ceilings greeted him and the persistent beep of a heart monitor. He was in the hospital.

Johnny forced himself to remember what year it was. September, 2013. Not January, 2011.

He blinked several times before he felt stabbing pain behind his eyes. He groaned loudly and rolled over onto his side. And then he realized everything still hurt.

"Hey," came the strangely soft voice of his brother.

"Go away," Johnny mumbled, burying his face in the pillow.

"You hit your forehead," Steve said. "But you're gonna be fine."

"Yay... I feel like I was body slammed into a brick wall."

"Concrete sidewalk," Steve corrected.

"You are insane, you know that?"

"Yes. But you're alive."

"Yeah, thanks for that... I think I have bruises everywhere, but the top of my head, but I wouldn't know, since my whole head hurts."

"Sorry. Hyper-vigilance."

"Hyper-vigilance..." Johnny repeated. "Steve, are you really...?"

"What?"

"Nothing."

Out of his slitted eyes, Johnny saw Steve's miniscule nod. He already knew his brother's head was messed up. This just compounded the problem.

"Hey, when do I get out of here?" Johnny asked, trying to lighten the mood.

"After your doctor makes sure there's nothing else wrong with you," Steve replied distantly. He had stood up and was looking out the window.

"You okay?"

Steve turned back to Johnny. "Yeah, I'm fine," he said. "Nothing that won't be gone tomorrow."

Johnny noticed the bloody scrapes up and down Steve's right arm and the bruise forming on his elbow. But there was more to the question. Steve had received worse injuries playing football twenty years ago.

The way his eyes sunk told Johnny this was different. The memory of being pressed into the sidewalk, feeling his brother's heart pounding, smelling his sweat and salt water, was engraved on Johnny's mind. Just as was the memory of standing on the sidewalk in downtown Portland on a surprisingly balmy January day.

Johnny blinked and he heard the snapping boom over and over in his head. This wasn't going away. For either of them.

**H-5-O**

Steve took Johnny back to his house, and Johnny didn't ask questions or argue. He sat silently in the passenger seat of Steve's truck, tired and thankful for pain medication. Suddenly Steve pulled out his phone and handed it to Johnny.

"Push play," he said.

Johnny looked at the screen. There was a message from a blocked number. He hit the button and a smooth voice came over the speakers.

"That was a warning, McGarrett," it said. "Are you really prepared to lose everyone you love?"

The message ended and Johnny didn't say anything. He had deduced that someone was trying to kill him. He had his suspicious as to why. But the cool, sophisticated way the man made his threat sent chills down his very sore spine.

"His name is Wo Fat," Steve said. "He's the one who ordered Mom and Dad's murders."

Johnny shook his head and regretted it. "How do you know that?" he asked.

"Because I've been trying to take him down for almost three years."

"That long?"

"Dad was investigating him before that."

"And you think it was him. In Portland?"

"One of his guys probably."

"But if they tried to kill me back then, why not try again when I lived?"

"Because it was about stopping me. I didn't even hear that you got shot, so they decided that wouldn't work and they went after Mary. But now that you're back, they know they can get to me through you."

"A little ironic."

"Yeah." Steve busied himself watching the road.

"So what now?" Johnny asked.

Steve looked back and forth. "I don't know. I don't want to wait until they strike again, but there's really nothing we can do."

"That sounds... great."

"Maybe... I hate to say this, maybe you should..."

"I can't leave." Johnny anticipated what Steve was thinking. "Alana... she's getting worse."

"She is?"

"Yeah. She knows how to hide it when she wants something. Like the other day at the beach? She really wanted to be there, but since then, she's been spending most the day in bed. I can't leave now."

Steve nodded. "No, you can't."

**H-5-O**

Steve called Catherine. He didn't give himself time to think and talk himself out of it. She was understandably confused. And concerned.

"I need you to keep a close eye on Jack for a while," Steve said. "Wo Fat is back."

"You think he might..." Catherine trailed off.

"I don't know. But he tried to kill Johnny today."

Catherine didn't say anything for a long time. "Is he okay?" she asked.

"Yeah, he's sore from my pushing him on the ground, and he's got a bump on his forehead... But that's all superficial."

"You mean the trauma was worse?"

"Yeah, he... someone tried to kill him two years ago. His best friend died..." Steve sighed. "I really don't know how to do this."

"Do you... want me to come over?"

"I don't know... I mean, I don't know how to help him... or myself."

"Jack's sleeping. I'll be there in a couple of hours."

Steve hung up and leaned back on the couch. Johnny was upstairs sleeping from the pain meds and Steve was grateful for it. It gave him some time to try to think of what to say to his brother.

But what was there to say? _I'm sorry your friend died and you had to be reminded of it_? That hardly seemed helpful.

Steve also wondered what help Catherine would be. He knew he would feel better with her here, but that could just be selfish. This wasn't really about him.

Except it was. The whole reason Johnny was hurt in the first place was because of him. Because of their father. Steve didn't like to be reminded of how much he was like his father. But he was noticing it more and more, and in a lot of ways it wasn't such a bad thing.

Catherine arrived sooner than Steve expected, but as she pulled Jack out of the backseat of her car, Steve saw why. He was still sleeping soundly, in spite of being moved.

"You could have waited," Steve said softly as they came inside.

"Honestly," Catherine replied, "it's easier to get him ready when he's sleeping." She smiled as she moved toward the stairs. Steve followed her and the tucked Jack in his bed together.

**H-5-O**

Catherine wasn't sure where to begin. Steve had wanted her to come; it was a start. But the more she thought about it, the more she realized that Steve had never really wanted her gone either. There was a time not too long ago that he seemed to think she lived there.

Catherine wondered if Steve still felt the same way, but she couldn't believe he wouldn't say so if he did. Still, his actions spoke. There were things Steve didn't say and she was dying to know what they were.

Standing in the living room, Catherine wondered how things had gotten this way. Had she fallen out of love, or had she given up? She knew neither was the answer. She was still here, and that's what mattered.

Turning away from the window, she saw Steve in what might have been a relaxing position on the couch, but Catherine knew he wasn't relaxed.

"Are you okay?" she asked. The words meant something more than usual.

Steve half laughed. "I... don't know," he said. "I'm starting to wonder if... never mind. It's not about me."

"Isn't it?" Catherine said. "This all happened because someone wants to hurt you. From the looks of things, it's working."

"What?"

"Wo Fat didn't have to kill your brother to get to you again. He's doing it right now."

Steve leaned forward and rested his elbows on his knees. "I know," he said, surprising Catherine. "I feel responsible for everything, and he knows that. I don't know how to stop."

Catherine couldn't say anything for a moment. She hadn't expected Steve to admit that so easily. It was a good thing, but at the same time, it worried her.

Catherine crossed the room and sat down next to Steve. "You don't let go, Steve, and that's a good thing," she said, reaching for his hand. When he opened his hand, she took it as a sign, however small. "But eventually you'll have to accept that some things are so far beyond your control."

Catherine felt Steve's sigh come from somewhere deep inside him, and she put her arm around his shoulders. They were both aware of the tense energy between them, but nothing was said. Steve absorbed Catherine's words and tried to believe them.

"Steve, please be okay," Catherine whispered.

Steve felt her breath on his neck, and he wanted to turn his head and kiss her and tell her everything was going to be fine. But he didn't.

He wanted to tell her he loved her and to beg her not to leave. But he didn't.

Steve leaned into Catherine's arms and buried his face in her neck. He took a deep breath and whispered, "I'll be okay."


	16. A Morning In

**The food I talk about in this chapter is something I actually ate in Mexico, so I'm not just making it up.  
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**Chapter Sixteen "A Morning In"**

Johnny woke up in Steve's room. He didn't remember falling asleep there, but he didn't remember much after the car. From the way the sun filtered through the bedroom curtains, he could tell it was late in the afternoon.

He didn't move. It already hurt, and it would get worse.

Johnny's eyes roamed the room. In his peripheral vision he saw the bottle of painkillers on Steve's nightstand along with a bottle of water.

Johnny smirked as he remembered that Steve always thought of everything. After taking his scheduled dose, Johnny leaned back on the pillows and waited for it to take effect. As he did, he looked around he room. It was hardly decorated, and the only clutter was a small pile of clothes on the floor.

Having not been there in twenty years, Johnny tried to remember which room this was. It wasn't his and Steve's because theirs had been bigger. Johnny could only conclude it had been their parents room. He didn't have to wonder why Steve had decided to take this room. He wouldn't have been able to live in his old room alone either.

Johnny heard the door and looked up to see Steve coming into the room. He looked tired and the scrapes up his arm seemed redder than before.

"How you feeling?" Steve asked.

"Better," Johnny said, half sitting up. "It's amazing what modern medicine can do."

Steve smirked. "Good. I don't have to make you take your meds."

"Why would you have to make me? I don't know about you, but I'm not crazy about pain, so much."

"I guess it's just a result of working with stubborn people."

"And being a stubborn person. Don't forget that."

"Yeah... Um, are you okay?"

"What do you mean?"

"Well, obviously you're not whining about being in pain, so what do you think I mean?"

"I think you need to work on your bedside manner."

Steve gave off a not unhappy sigh and sat down on the edge of the bed. "What I mean is... do you want to talk about it?"

"Not really, but I do want to know what we're gonna do about all this, so I have a feeling I'll have to."

"We? We aren't doing anything."

"So, what? You're gonna watch me 24/7? Make sure no one hurts me? Even you know that's stupid."

Steve shook his head, half smiling. "No. I'm going to set up a protective detail. So, I will be keeping an eye on you, though not personally."

"I suppose I should be thankful you're not locking me in here."

"Some things never change."

"Yeah, like overprotective big brothers with egos the size of small aircraft."

"You have a... way with words."

"Yeah, I do. But let me ask you something, Steve."

"Hm?"

"Who protects you?"

"What?" Steve didn't mean to sound as shocked by the question as he was, but he hadn't expected it.

"I mean it," Johnny said. "Who protects you from all of this? If you had been the one they were trying to kill, who would push you away?"

Steve shrugged and stood up. "I guess I've never been on the receiving end of protection. I mean, it's not like..."

Johnny nodded. "Not like Dad was anything like that."

Steve shook his head. "He would have died for us."

"I never doubted that for a second. It's living that's the hard part, anyway. And it never felt like he was protecting us. As annoying as you are, I always know where you stand."

"I suppose I should be happy about that."

"Probably." Johnny threw back the blankets and let his feet fall to the floor. He finally felt like he could walk without stiffness. "Is there any chance of getting something to eat around here?" he asked.

Steve smirked. "Catherine's making lunch," he said.

"Well that's interesting," Johnny said, standing up.

"Why is it interesting?"

"I refuse to dignify that question with an answer."

Johnny's voice was deadpan, but even after twenty years, Steve recognized his humor. He wouldn't answer the question, but he wasn't really offended.

**H-5-O**

Steve's phone rang on the way down the stairs, so he excused himself to the living room while Johnny went into the kitchen.

"Danny?" Steve didn't hesitate. "You got something?"

"Hello to you too, Steven. Doing well? I'm fine; thanks for asking."

Steve sighed and rolled his eyes. "We're all right, Danny. How are you?"

"I already told you. Why are we wasting time with this conversation?"

"I wanted to avoid it altogether, but you insisted."

"Hm... Well, we found bullets and shell casings. No tire treads to speak of, and witnesses aren't being helpful. We'll try tracing the gun, but it's a long shot."

"That's a terrible pun. What about the phone call?"

"Chin's tried everything, but other than voice recognition, we got nothing."

"I already knew who it was."

"Yes, and we thought we might be able to use that, but you can't arrest someone for a vaguely threatening phone call. We know bringing him in for questioning will do no good."

Steve rubbed his thumb between his eyes. "So what now?"

"We're not giving up, Steve. We've been at this three years. He knows we won't stop."

"Exactly my problem."

"Johnny's not being cooperative?"

"He's fine, but I can't make him stay here. He needs to be with Alana, and I don't think he would stay anyway."

"So you're just gonna let him go?"

"What can I do? Other than a protective detail which will be reporting to me every hour."

"There he is. Crazy, obsessive Steve is back. I was wondering what became of you. So, you're coming back tomorrow?"

"Yeah. Don't blow the place up while I'm gone."

"No, see, you would do that. I might just reform your insane filing system."

"That's what I meant."

"Your orders have been noted and will be promptly ignored on further review."

"Always nice chatting with you, Danno."

"Yeah, yeah. Get back to whatever it is you're doing. We'll catch the bad guys without you."

Steve hung up and the smile on his face faded only a little, as he realized the answer to Johnny's question. Danny was the one who would push him out of the way of a bullet.

**H-5-O**

Catherine was a great cook. The offhanded comment Steve had made to Danny three years ago was completely true. Lunch was some kind of salad Johnny had never seen. It didn't look like a normal salad.

"Can I ask what that is?" Johnny asked looking into the bowl on the counter.

"Lentils," Catherine said. "Celery, onions, peanuts..."

"I was kind of fishing for a name."

"I don't know; it's something Steve and I had in Mexico."

"You were in Mexico?"

Catherine pursed her lips. "I can't say anything else."

"Oh. Well, it doesn't really look Mexican."

"Yeah. This guy really liked vegetarian food." Catherine put a plate of Ritz crackers and a bowl of sliced limes on the table. "Is Jack awake?"

"I haven't heard from him," Johnny said. "I didn't know you were coming over today."

"I wasn't... Well, until Steve called."

"Ah... This just keeps getting better."

"What?"

"Nothing." Johnny smiled and popped a cracker in his mouth. "I'll get Jack."

Steve came into the room as Johnny was leaving. He gave Catherine a curious look. "Did you scare him off with your salad?" he asked.

Catherine laughed. "No," she said. "He's checking on Jack. It's about time for him to wake up anyway." Catherine moved the salad bowl onto the table. Everything else was set and ready to be consumed. There was even hibiscus tea.

"Missing Mexico?" Steve asked, with a knowing smile.

"The food," Catherine replied, holding up a finger. "Just the food."

"What? It wasn't all bad."

"Mm. There was that one day."

"Yeah. The silver lining, I think you called it."

Catherine tapped her fingers on the table and looked out the window absently. "So what's our silver lining now?" she asked.

Steve looked like he might have been about to answer when Johnny and Jack came thundering down the stairs.

"Great," Catherine said rolling her eyes. "Now we have two kids."

Steve couldn't hide the look in his eyes that said he liked the sound of that.


	17. Stereo Hearts

**This chapter title is stolen from the song by Gym Class Heroes and Adam Levine. It's one of Johnny's favorite songs.  
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**Chapter Seventeen "Stereo Hearts"**

Somehow Johnny had found a way to plug his iPod into Steve's stereo. The result was more noise than the old house had seen in twenty years. Except perhaps that little scuffle with Nick Taylor and his mercenary friends.

As Steve and Catherine cleaned up after lunch, Johnny took Jack into the living room and the noise began. It was a good thing Johnny had such selective taste in music, or Steve might have been annoyed.

"Do you know this song?" Catherine asked as she put away the plates.

"No," Steve said, shaking his head and hanging up the dishtowel in his hands.

"Oh, because it looked like you might have been dancing."

"I was shuffling," Steve said defensively.

Catherine crossed her arms. "You don't shuffle," she said. "You run, jump, even power walk, but you don't shuffle."

"Fine." Steve crossed his arms too. "Maybe I was dancing a little bit."

Catherine shrugged. "It's a good song," she said, smiling.

Steve crossed the small kitchen without thinking. He held out his hands and Catherine took them. In one smooth movement, they spun across the kitchen to the blaring music coming from the living room.

It had been a very long time since Steve and Catherine had so much as listened to a song together. But today, it seemed like things were changing. Steve tried not to hope that was true, but holding Catherine in his arms again felt so right that he could, for a moment, forget anything had ever been wrong.

The song was somewhere in the middle when their eyes met, and something neither of them quite knew how to say was communicated.

Catherine saw the desire in Steve's eyes. Desire for something that wasn't physical, something she didn't understand. He needed her. He couldn't say it, but he did. She would be there until he sent her away.

Catherine moved her arms around Steve's shoulders. He responded by wrapping his arms around her waist. She could still feel the tension, but it was less than before; Steve was starting to relax a little.

"How are you?" she asked. She'd been asking all day, and she wouldn't stop until he asked her to.

Steve didn't say anything at first. He couldn't think of words to describe how he was. "Not great," he finally said. "But not terrible either."

Catherine pulled back and looked him in the eye. She knew he was telling the truth because he had never lied to her. But she had seen him lie to other people, and she knew what it looked like.

So, she let go. And Steve let go of her.

"Should we go see what they're doing?" Catherine asked.

"Probably," Steve said with a small smile.

**H-5-O**

Johnny was trying to teach Jack to dance. The two-year-old was having none of it. He sat on the couch with his arms crossed as Johnny attempted to display his best moves.

"You look like Justin Beiber," Jack said.

A dark frown appeared on Johnny's face. "What? How do you even know who that is?" he asked.

"He was on TV... Daddy made me turn it off."

"Good. Beiber is just another waste of talent. Now, pay attention. This is one of the greatest songs ever."

"Then sing it!"

Johnny sighed. Apparently, this was the only way to get a two-year-old engaged in music. So, he did sing along. With his Beiberesque dance moves, Johnny started into the bridge:

"I only pray you'll never leave me behind because good music can be so hard to find. I take your hand and hold it closer to mine. Thought love was dead, but now you're changing my mind!"

Jack had heard the chorus enough times now that he thought he knew it. In a very off-key voice and with many lyrical mistakes, he sang with Johnny:

"My heart's a stereo; it beats for you, so listen close. Hear my thoughts in every note. Whoa-oh. Make me your radio. Turn me up when you feel low. This melody was made for you. Just sing along to my stereo."

Jack got up from the couch, and Johnny picked him up and spun him around the room, half dancing, half flailing. The song ended and they fell on the couch laughing.

Jack sat up on his knees. "Are you gonna stay here forever, Uncle Johnny?" he asked.

"Well, I'm going back over to my friend's house," Johnny said, hoping that would satisfy Jack.

"No, I mean... You're not gonna go far away again?"

"I... I don't know, Jack, but I'll be sure to come and visit you if I do."

"Promise?"

Jack knew exactly what he was doing, and it scared Johnny a little bit. "Yeah. Yeah, I promise, Jack."

Johnny really meant it. He wasn't sure how he would deal with keeping that promise, but being honest with himself, he knew he didn't want to leave Jack. Something had changed since meeting this two-year-old.

Johnny thought about how Steve had seemed to change and realized that it was happening to him as well. He couldn't leave now.

**H-5-O**

Steve drove Johnny back to the Iona's house late that afternoon. They were mostly silent for the drive, but when they got there, Steve walked Johnny to the door.

"Can I ask you something?" Steve said.

Johnny shrugged. "I guess."

"Do you know how to use a gun?"

"What?"

"It's a simple question."

"Fine. Yes. Isaac taught me and Josh when we were teenagers."

"Good." Steve reached behind him and handed Johnny a small semi-automatic. "Will you carry this?"

Johnny stared, but didn't take the gun. "Why... I mean..." Johnny wasn't sure what he meant. He knew exactly why Steve would want him to carry a gun, but the very thought of using it made him sick to his stomach. "I don't know if I can," he finally said.

Steve nodded. "Give it to Kekoa," he said.

Johnny agreed and took the gun. It felt heavier than it looked and he didn't like the deceptive coolness of the metal.

"I'm really sorry," Steve said. "About everything that's happened to you."

Johnny could only nod his head as he turned toward the door. Out of the corner of his eye he saw the unmarked police car parked on the curb and he knew that this was far from over.

**H-5-O**

Anna closed the door to Alana's room just as Johnny was coming up the stairs. He looked very tired as she could imagine after the day he'd had.

"How are you doing?" she asked quietly.

"Fine," he said. "Alana?"

Anna hesitated. "She's..."

Johnny nodded. "How much longer?"

Anna shook her head. "Any day now," she said. "I wish I had better news."

"We knew this was coming."

"It doesn't make it easier. Believe me."

Johnny finally looked her in the eye. It seemed that up until now, he hadn't given her much credit of experience. But those words told a different story.

"What do you mean?" he asked.

"Oh, uh... well, it doesn't matter so much, but I've seen this before from a personal angle and it's... not easier than any other kind of death."

"Is that why you became a doctor?"

"No. But it's why I decided to treat terminal cancer patients."

Johnny nodded. "Well, it's not something everyone could do. I mean, a lot of guys in my position would have gone into law enforcement. Trying to make something right I guess. I became a musician because it's the only thing that made sense."

"I can see that."

"So can I ask you, if you think it's no easier this way than any other way, why did you decide to go into this field?"

Anna shrugged. "Because I like being wrong," she said. "I can be very cynical, so I'm often pleasantly surprised."

"So is that intentional pessimism?"

"Sort of."

"I guess if it works for you..."

"I'm still trying to figure that out."

"Yeah... Me too, I guess."

**H-5-O**

Catherine and Jack were gone when Steve got home. After the day he had, the house seemed huge and empty. Johnny's blue iPod was still sitting on top of the stereo. Steve turned the volume down and looked through the songs.

Johnny had his own music on there and Steve played the first song. It was about rain. Steve had a feeling it was about more than that, but the lyrics were just cryptic enough that he didn't know what it was.

Steve let it play as he straightened the living room from Johnny and Jack's dance party.

The next song was about being alone in the mountains and hearing wolves howling. Once again, there seemed to be some underlying metaphor that Steve couldn't understand.

Steve did observe that most of Johnny's songs from before he came to Hawaii were not about people but places and events. Not like the song he sang when Steve went to his concert last week.

Steve finished cleaning the living room and stood there wondering what to do with himself. He still needed to work on finding out who had shot at them this morning, but at the moment, he just wanted more of what he'd had all afternoon.

He didn't have long to muse on this because Danny showed up unannounced. He didn't say anything as he came through the door, and Steve didn't bother asking him to knock.

"What is this?" Danny asked, gesturing around the room.

"It's called music."

"Yes, but it's tolerable music. Since when do you listen to this stuff?"

"Johnny left his iPod."

"iPod? Wow, I didn't know you could work one of those things."

"I'm not the technologically inept one here, Danny." Steve started toward the kitchen. "You hungry?"

Danny followed him. "I am always hungry," he said. "Why do you even have to ask?"


	18. Contradictions

**Thanks for the continued support. I really appreciate everyone who's been reading this.  
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**Chapter Eighteen "Contradictions"**

Danny and Steve sat out on the deck enjoying the leftovers of Catherine's salad. It was starting to get dark and the waves seemed louder than usual.

"I can't believe I'm saying this," Danny said. "But this stuff is amazing."

"I told you."

"How often to I agree with you about food? Nearly never. And this stuff is like sickeningly healthy, okay."

"Ignoring the glaring contradiction in terms, I'll concede the point."

"Good. Now that I have some advantage here I can go on to my next point."

"Why do I get the feeling it won't have anything to do with food?"

"Because my incredible detective skills are rubbing off on you."

"Or you're just that predictable."

"That can't be it."

"So what was you're next point?"

"You are extremely calm for having been shot at this morning."

"I wasn't; Johnny was."

"All the more reason for you to be going completely insane."

"That would go counter to the objective."

"Objective being?"

"Fix my relationship with my brother."

"Okay, but if someone's trying to kill him..."

"Wo Fat said it was a warning."

"Yeah, and are you heeding it? Didn't think so."

"I haven't actually done anything yet. So, Johnny's safe until I start looking into it again."

Danny shook his head. "There's something else going on here. He's trying to get into your head... It's pissing me off."

"Yeah... I don't know what you want me to say."

"Neither do I. How are you doing with all of this?"

Steve shrugged. "Better than I thought I would. There's still a lot of... stuff to deal with."

Danny smirked. "Eloquent as ever, Steven."

Steve leaned back in his chair. He didn't care at the moment. He was eating salad with Danny which made him happier that it probably should have. Somehow it was letting him believe that something in his life would be okay. What that something was, Steve had no idea.

**H-5-O**

It was raining again the next morning. Steve went swimming anyway. His arms still stung from falling on the concrete.

Before leaving for work, Steve called Johnny. He had received his hourly text messages all nigh long, and they helped him sleep. But he wanted to hear his brother's voice.

"Isn't it a little early to be harassing me?" Johnny asked when he answered.

Steve smiled. "I knew you were awake," he said.

"That's... creepy."

"Who would you rather have watching you?"

"Okay. Fine... Uh, Steve?"

"Yeah?"

"It's... getting close."

"It...? Alana?"

"Yeah."

"How long?"

"I... I don't know. Steve, I think it could be today."

He should have expected it, but he didn't. It seemed sudden. But it wasn't. And he could do nothing. Still, Steve asked,

"What do you need me to do?"

Johnny hesitated. "Wait," he said. "Wait for me."

"Okay." Steve nodded to himself. "Call me if you need anything."

Johnny didn't say anything else. The call ended.

Steve went to work, trying to put the conversation out of his head and focus. The new case that came across his desk that morning didn't help. A car bomb. A key member of the governor's staff, dead. Denning himself was in Steve's office.

Steve couldn't read the look on his boss' face as he stood before the desk, hands clasped behind him.

"McGarrett," I'm authorizing a temporary emergency situation," Denning said. "I want you to find him."

Steve gave him a curious look. "You mean..."

"I mean Jameson's rules, or rather, no rules. I know you well enough now that I can trust you. Catch this guy; I don't care how. I don't want to _know_ how."

"And you'll back me up?"

"I will. Steve, I know Wo Fat threatened your brother, and you have a protection detail on him. I am sending some of my security personnel to further secure the area. I'm not going to lose one more person to this man. Wo Fat is going to know that this is not his island; it's ours."

Steve shook the governor's hand. "Thank you, Sir."

"Don't thank me," Denning said. "Just find the sonofabitch who killed Lori. End this."

**H-5-O**

Johnny looked out Alana's bedroom window. He was sitting on the window seat, and he could see the ocean running parallel to the road with houses all along the other side.

He heard the soft whispers of Kekoa and Lani and sometimes Anna. Alana wasn't talking much now.

Johnny didn't turn around; he knew what he would see. Instead, he watched the waves crash along the coast and the plainclothes officers walking up and down the beach like tourists.

Since Steve's phone call, Johnny had felt even worse. Telling his brother that he was about to lose his best friend again didn't help anything.

Johnny felt Lani's strong, bony hand on his shoulder. He turned and looked into her black pools of eyes. Her thick hair fell out of the small clip at the back of her head. Hair that Alana used to have. That she never would again.

"She's sleeping now," Lani said. "We're going to get some food; do you want anything?"

Johnny shook his head, not trusting his voice. Lani nodded, squeezed his shoulder and left the room.

Anna was sitting beside Alana's bed, lost in thought, watching the slow, temporary rise and fall of her friend's chest. Johnny stood up and crossed the room. He stood next to Anna's chair and joined in watching.

"How long?" he asked, afraid of the answer.

"Soon," Anna said, sounding distant.

Johnny felt a rise of anger at her detachment, but it quickly passed. Then he only felt miserable again. "How," he said. "How am I supposed to do this?"

Anna sat up, but still didn't look at Johnny. "You are asking the impossible," she said. "Because when she's gone, we will only want her back or wish we could have taken her place. There is no 'how'."

Johnny was surprised by the words and the dark tone of Anna's voice. Until now, she had seemed so positive and encouraging.

"You said you lost someone like this before," Johnny said, remembering their conversation the night before.

Anna nodded, her eyes glazing over. "Three people," she said in a monotone. "My mom died when I was seven. My dad gave up then, and a year later, he was gone too. I sat with them both, and they never told me everything was going to be okay. In med-school, I met this guy who had leukemia. Of course, I had to fall in love with him. He died before I had the chance to tell him Everything wasn't okay."

Johnny thought about the matter of fact way Anna described losing so many people she loved. For some reason, he felt the need to comfort her, to let her know it wasn't as bad as she thought.

"At least you got to say goodbye to your parents," he said, not bothering to hide the thickness in his voice.

Anna shook her head. "It doesn't help," she said. For the first time, her voice sounded like it might have wavered.

"Then why do you do this?"

She still didn't look at him. "I told you: I want to be proven wrong."

**H-5-O**

Steve had faced the sacrifices of his job before. The sacrifices of doing the right thing. But he wasn't sure if he was ready to lose another part of himself. To lose his brother forever.

But they followed the evidence. If Steve compromised now, he would never be able to look at his family anyway. Not that he was very happy about it. Danny could tell.

"You should be with him," Danny said softly, almost as if he wasn't saying anything.

"No, I shouldn't," Steve said, taking a corner to hard. "I should be right here because this is how I make him safe. You know that."

"Yeah," Danny said. He seemed more worried than Steve was. Seemed.

"Hey." Steve snapped Danny out of his daze. "This isn't gonna be like last time, okay? We're gonna catch him because the governor is actually on our side, and no one's trying to frame me."

"That we know of." Danny put his hands up. "Okay. I know. I just..."

"I know," Steve said. "I never really thanked you for everything you did for me then. You almost lost your family because of me."

"No... No, I made a choice based on what was in front of me. You think I was gonna let Wo Fat get away with it all? And, yeah, maybe I did it for you, but you'd have done the same for me."

"I would."

Danny shifted in his seat as if suddenly uncomfortable. "So, who's the victim?"

Steve noted the change of subject, but let it go. "Lori Weston," he said. "Formerly of Homeland Security. She started working for Governor Denning a few months ago as his public safety liaison."

"What, that other guy didn't work out?"

"It has been two years, Danny. I think almost anyone would quit after that long."

"Are you taking about Denning or us?"

"I was not being specific."

"So, anyway, this Weston character, what else to we know about her?"

"The governor seemed really pissed that this happened. And not like the generic kind of pissed he normally is, but the 'you just killed my friend so I'm gonna kill you back' kind of pissed."

"So, she was well liked. Why can't you just say that?"

"I was saying what I observed, not making any statements of facts which are not in evidence."

"What is wrong with you? I'm supposed to say that."

Steve shrugged. "I thought a change of pace might be nice."

"No. Stop. I was just getting used to the normal you."

"So you are used to me?"

"I'm taking the fall for humanity."

"You're so altruistic, Danno."

Danny snorted. "Please. You don't even know what that word means... And don't call me Danno."


	19. Everything's Gonna be Okay

**With all the Christmas shopping and finals the last few days, I almost forgot about this. Shame on me. Anyway, I love this chapter. I think I cried writing it. I don't remember. I have two more chapters done, so that gives me nine days to finish chapter 22... Oh, I can do that. Hopefully, I'll finish the whole story over break.  
><strong>

**Chapter Nineteen "Everything's Gonna be Okay"**

_April, 1992_

_The hardwood felt like stabbing splinters on his socked feet as he climbed the stairs. At the top, he looked down the hallway and saw his little brother standing in the doorway of their bedroom. He was asking what was wrong._

_It was then Steve felt the reality of everything hit, and he couldn't feel his feet under him because they weren't under him anymore. His back hit the wall a little too hard, and his legs stretched out in front of him. He couldn't hold himself up. He shouldn't have too._

_Johnny was still asking what was wrong, but Steve didn't say anything. He held out his arms, and Johnny came to him, sitting against the wall as well. Steve wrapped his arms around his little brother and let himself feel like someone would comfort him because he knew no one would._

_But the moment couldn't last. Steve had to be the one to tell Johnny because he would be the only one who would hold him and tell him everything would be okay._

"_It's Mom," Steve said. "She was... in a car accident."_

_Johnny looked up at Steve's face, no doubt seeing the tears Steve wasn't trying to hide. He was only nine, but he knew; he had to._

"_She's dead?" he said, his voice raising an octave._

_Steve nodded and pulled Johnny tighter against his chest. He didn't have anyone to wrap strong arms around him and keep him from falling apart, but he was that person for his brother. He always had been. From nightmares, to ghosts, to noises during tropical storms, up to their mother's death, Steve was the one who held Johnny and made him feel safe._

_Johnny cried a lot. He woke up at night screaming. Steve was secretly glad that he did because it meant he could do something. His only comfort was to be there when the silence threatened to suffocate them both. To fill the darkness with whispers:_

"_It's gonna be okay."_

**H-5-O**

_August, 2011_

_Catherine winced, but she wouldn't make a sound. She was determined not to let Steve know how much pain she was in. It was stupid, but he looked worried enough already. Between contractions, she wondered about that. She had never seen Steve look so unsettled about anything. He was always calm._

_Of course, he'd never had a baby before either._

_Catherine took a deep breath and prepared for the next one. Steve moved his hand under hers, and she could feel their sweat making their hands slippery._

I love you_, she thought. Why couldn't she say it? Here she was, giving birth to the man's child, and she couldn't manage to say three simple words. It would be so easy. She looked over at Steve._

_And the next contraction started._

_Catherine was able to last a while longer without letting out a single cry. It didn't last. But as soon as she did, Steve seemed to relax, if only minutely. It seemed that acknowledging her pain alleviated some of the tension in the room._

_It was still very painful, but Steve held Catherine's hand tighter, and whispered words she couldn't remember later. They seemed awfully important at the time._

_After hours of labor, it was finally over, and the second she saw her son, Catherine felt as if it had taken no time at all. He was perfect, and that wasn't just her opinion. He had his father's dark blue eyes and a startling amount of soft, black hair._

"_He's beautiful," Steve said in just above a whisper. He placed his hand over the blanket to get a better look at his son's face._

_Catherine couldn't tear her eyes away from her baby long enough to see, but she suspected it wasn't only Steve's voice that sounded teary. The solemness of the moment settled in around her. They had created this beautiful child together. What began as an accident turned out to be probably the most important thing to happen to either of them. In the months leading up to his birth, the two of them had been through all the ups and downs of pregnancy, and more than once, Catherine wondered if they would last through it._

_Now that it had actually happened, she found herself believing that maybe it would all be okay. Maybe she and Steve would stay together, whatever that meant._

_When she was finally able to look at Steve, Catherine knew by the way he stared at their son that this would at least keep them close. Even if they never were what she wanted, Steve would always be a little bit hers._

"_Do you want to hold him?" she asked._

"_Yes," Steve said, not taking his eyes from those of his son._

_Catherine handed the small bundle to Steve, and she was sure she saw tears. Steve didn't seem particularly alarmed by this._

"_Are you crying?" she asked, half teasing._

_Steve ran the back of his hand over his eyes and brought it back to rest across the blanket. "A little," he said. "What should we call him?"_

_Catherine smiled. She knew Steve would probably protest, saying the name should mean as much to her, but she was determined that this was one argument she would win. "Jack," she said._

_To her surprise, Steve didn't say anything. He only leaned in and kissed Catherine's forehead. Yes, they would be okay eventually._

**H-5-O**

Catherine would never tell anyone, but she had made a habit of watching Jack sleep when she was stressed about something. Sometimes it was trivial. Most of the time it wasn't life threatening. But after Steve told her about the people trying to kill Johnny and that he was afraid they might come after Jack next, she had good reason to be stressed.

But if she were honest with herself, Catherine would admit that wasn't really it. She had a feeling that everything she had been keeping inside for over ten years. In all the time she had known Steve, neither of them had been with anyone else. She knew she had loved him all that time, but for the longest time she convinced herself that it was only convenient for him. That he would never really be in love, wasn't the type to settle down, wouldn't love her if he was.

As Jack's chest rose and fell, Catherine let herself wonder if that hadn't been all a lie. If Steve really did love her, but was just as uncertain and afraid as she was. He had been faithful to her when he didn't have to be. He was a good father to Jack. Not just good enough, but really good.

And when Catherine had to retire from the Navy, Steve was there for her, helping her find a job and a place to live when she wouldn't live with him. She should have told him then. It would have made perfect sense. Hell, she should have told him years ago.

Catherine sighed and closed Jack's door as quietly as possible. She moved down the short hallway into the living room. The TV was on, but it was silent, and the blinds were all closed. Catherine wasn't taking any chances. If Wo Fat or anyone else came after Jack, he wouldn't know what hit him. Not that she was eager to have that encounter. At that moment, she would rather have been with Steve where she knew they would all be safe.

But Steve was out doing his job. The one she loved him for and would tell him as soon as possible.

**H-5-O**

Johnny didn't want to watch, but he couldn't look away. And really, he needed to see this. He needed to know how death happened. He'd been so close to it before, but never really seen it. All he could remember was Josh's body jerking unnaturally before he lost consciousness himself.

This was different. Alana was expected to die. She was supposed to. Johnny felt sick and knew he should have eaten.

Kekoa and Lani sat on the other side of the bed. Anna was still in her chair. Johnny sat on the bed. Alana's breath now came in labored heaves. Any minute now, and she would be gone. Johnny could feel his own heart beating faster. There was a nervous energy flowing through him, and he didn't know what to do with it.

"Mom?" Alana's voice sounded like it was coming through radio static.

Lani grabbed her daughter's hand. "I'm right here," she said.

"It's gonna be okay," Alana said. "Everything's gonna be okay."

Johnny didn't know how she could say that, but he wasn't sure what else he would have said in her place. He wouldn't want his family to mourn him forever. Maybe it was okay.

Johnny watched Anna reach for Alana's other hand. She only laid hers over it and moved her fingers across Alana's thumb. Anna was the only one visibly crying. Johnny found himself putting his hand on her shoulder. He couldn't remember ever comforting anyone like this. The closest thing was when Josh's dog died when they were thirteen.

"It is gonna be okay," Johnny said, just loud enough for everyone to hear him. "We'll be okay. You can go now."

Alana smiled at him, tears in her eyes. She mouthed _thank you_.

Johnny moved his arm around Anna's shoulders, and they all watched as Alana closed her eyes for the last time. Her last words: _everything's gonna be okay_.


	20. Smoke and Dust Clear

**Chapter Twenty "Smoke and Dust Clear"**

Steve tried calling Jenna Kaye, but he couldn't get a hold of her. Ever since she left two years ago, they hadn't heard from her. Steve had periodically tried to contact her, but they never had success or so much of a reason to.

She didn't answer her phone, and Steve knew she wouldn't call back. They were on their own.

The crime scene matched that of Laura Hills' almost identically. Only the victim was different. And the more they learned about Lori Weston, the more sense it made that Wo Fat would go after her. Like her boss, Lori was determined to root out corruption at any cost.

She had died for it. And who was to know how many more would meet the same fate?

Steve began to jump at every text message telling him his brother was still fine because one of them might be saying his brother was dead.

Danny noticed how tense Steve was, but for a long time, he didn't say anything. Back at the office after they had talked about tracing where Wo Fat got the Claymore this time, Steve disappeared into his office, and Danny knew it was time to have that conversation.

When Danny came into his office, Steve was checking his phone. Again.

"It's still fifteen minutes until the next check in," Danny said.

"I know," Steve replied, putting his phone away.

"You know... I'm rethinking your mission here."

"What?"

"Well, I think your skills might be better put to use protecting your family. I don't mean just Johnny."

"I can't," Steve said. "He's with Alana. She..."

Danny paused at how Steve trailed off. "Oh... I had no idea she was so..."

"Neither did I. Johnny told me this morning. He thinks it will be today. I can't... intrude on that."

"Okay, but what about the rest of your family?"

"Catherine's taking care of Jack. He's safe with her."

"You're gonna sit there and tell me you honestly believe that? I'm not saying you're wrong. Just that you have this inherent need to protect everyone."

"Didn't we already have this conversation?"

"What are you doing?"

"Huh?"

Danny pointed to the phone in Steve's hand. "You still have thirteen minutes."

Steve glared at Danny and put his phone away again. "What's your point?"

"My point? You're gonna give yourself ulcers worrying like this."

"Wo Fat threatened Johnny. Johnny has an army protecting him. End of story."

"Yeah... so you're going to stop checking your phone every—hey!" Danny reached out and snatched Steve's phone out of his hand.

"What're you—"

"No. No. You are not doing this. We're trying to catch a crime lord here. We are not going to go all crazy like last time and get ourselves arrested, okay?"

"Okay, gimme my phone back."

"In twelve minutes, I will give your phone back."

However, as if to spite Danny, the phone rang. Danny put his hand up to squelch the horrified look on Steve's face. "It's Catherine," he said, handing the phone back to Steve.

Glaring at Danny, Steve took the phone and shooed him out of the office.

**H-5-O**

Johnny had to remind himself to breathe. It felt like he was breathing water, but it wasn't killing him. Kekoa and Lani were comforting each other. Anna had disappeared. Johnny made his way downstairs, moving slowly through the hall, looking at the family pictures on the wall all the way down. There were many of him and Alana as kids, and even one of the whole McGarrett family. Johnny was young, and he couldn't remember that day, but his parents were smiling. He had forgotten his father's smile.

As his foot hit the main floor, Johnny was jolted back in time and back to the present in less than a second. Johnny looked around the Iona's living room. It hadn't changed in twenty years. Nothing on this damn island had. Except that Jack was there, Alana wasn't, and then there was Anna. Johnny didn't know what to make of her.

He found Anna on the beach. Out of earshot, but close enough to come to the rescue, the plainclothes officers roamed the sand. Anna stood with her arms crossed and her long, blond hair blowing loose in the breeze. Johnny could see tear tracks fresh on her face. He didn't know why he was there; he didn't know what he could do. And he realized that this was how Steve must have felt twenty years ago when he came up the stairs so slowly.

Johnny felt ashamed of his ignorance. How could he not have seen anyone else's pain? He shook his head. He could see now.

Johnny kicked of his shoes and felt the sand moving between his toes as he crossed the stretch of beach between himself and Anna.

"I've been writing songs out here," he said. Anna didn't look at him. "When I went inside, Alana would ask me to sing them to her." Johnny sniffed. "I didn't want to. They weren't ready, but she insisted. How could I say no?"

Anna shook her head. "I don't know," she said in a flat voice.

"Have you ever read Tennyson?"

"What?"

"Alfred Lord. He wrote, 'I am a part of all that I have ever met.' My music is my soul, and Alana was a part of that. I was a part of her by singing to her, giving her part of my soul. It sounds hokey; I know... It's like the way we never lose the pieces of DNA we get from other people."

Anna gave Johnny an incredulous look.

"Hey, I payed attention in Biology."

"So you're saying Alana's never gonna leave us?" Anna said, sounding like she had a head cold.

Johnny nodded. "Or our parents, the man you loved, my best friend."

"What happened to him?"

"Uh... originally, Portland PD thought it was a random gang shooting. Now, well... you see my entourage, right?"

"They were trying to kill you?"

"Guess so. To send a message to Steve because it all comes back to our family. Eventually." Johnny reached into his pocket and pulled out the pack of cigarettes he kept there. "Do you mind?" he asked.

Anna looked over at him and nodded. "Yes, I do," she said.

"Okay." Johnny put it away again.

"You don't... make a habit of that, do you?" she asked. She seemed surprised by the thought.

"Not anymore," he said. "I guess holding onto it is how I remember Josh. I mean, I can hear his voice in my head: 'You're gonna kill yourself and ruin your voice.' Always in that order."

Anna laughed. Not wholeheartedly, but she laughed. "Why do I get the distinct impression that you're trying to make me feel better?"

"Because I am."

Anna gave him a half smile. "Don't stop."

**H-5-O**

Steve hung up the phone and ran his hand over his face. Catherine wanted him to be with her and Jack. She was worried. She had a good reason to be. Of course, this fit in perfectly with Danny's plan to keep Steve out of trouble. It made sense, really.

Steve didn't know what he would do if anything happened to Catherine or Jack. It made him realize that he'd waited far too long. There were so many things he needed to tell Catherine. That he loved her, that he never wanted her to leave his side as long as they lived.

It seemed a little much to tell someone all at once, but in light of what had happened the day before and her honesty about her fear, Steve knew that it was time to get everything out. He wasn't certain what the outcome would be, but he had made up his mind.

Danny didn't say anything about Steve leaving. They both understood what was going on. The drive to his house, alone gave Steve time to think through what he would say. Still, he didn't feel very confident as he pulled into the driveway and turned off the truck.

Catherine's car was in it's usual place, and Steve walked much more slowly that normal toward the front door, still trying to think of what to say. As he opened the door, he felt his mouth go dry and his mind go black.

What was he to say to her?

**H-5-O**

Catherine paced Steve's living room. He was on his way there. She had called him to confess that she was scared and didn't feel safe. He told her he would be with them until she did. What did that mean? When would she feel safe again?

Jack had been tired by the time they got to the house, so he was in his room while Catherine continued to pace. She was determined.

The sound of tires in the driveway made her heart leap into her throat. She didn't know how she was ever going to get the words out. She didn't even know where to begin. The door latch clicked, and Catherine didn't breathe. But when she saw Steve framed by the midday sun, relief flooded through her.

Steve crossed the room, and she hardly felt herself moving to meet him, but all of the sudden, she was in his arms and no longer afraid. She let herself feel the warmth of his body against her and breathed in the smell of soap and sweat and salt. His arms wrapped around her shoulders made her feel small but secure, like nothing could ever tear her away. She hoped so.

"I'm sorry," she managed to say.

"No," Steve replied, stepping back and holding her face in his hands. He brushed away her thick hair and looked into her eyes. "I'm glad you called me."

Then he kissed her forehead, and Catherine savored the feeling of his lips on her skin. She felt tears spring into her eyes. Tears? This wasn't how it was supposed to go. Looking up into his eyes once again, Catherine saw something she couldn't believe she had missed for so long.

He loved her. Steve really loved her, and he wasn't trying to hide it anymore. Catherine felt the intensity of his gaze, but she didn't look away. She would never look away again.

"Steve," she whispered, but he held his fingers to her mouth.

"I know," he said, and he smiled. "Catherine, I love you."

The words were in her mouth, but her throat constricted. She couldn't cry now. This was supposed to be happy.

"Steve," she choked his name again. "I love you too."


	21. I Need You

**Okay, I only have one more chapter finished, so I have decided to take a brief hiatus over Christmas. Chapter 22 will be posted on the 26. By then, I should have some more done.**

**Merry Christmas; I'll see you on Boxing Day!  
><strong>

**Chapter Twenty-One "I Need You"**

That look he had when they were dancing in the kitchen was back in Steve's eyes. Only there was no fear or hesitation. He ran his fingers through Catherine's hair and looked into her eyes, still shimmering from the tears she couldn't stop.

"I'm sorry," Steve said.

She nodded. "I know. Stop talking," she said, holding Steve's face in her hands. He did.

But he took his time. While two years had only intensified his feelings for Catherine, he knew better than to rush into what they had before: an almost relationship, struggling for, but not quite grasping meaning and significance. This had to be different.

Steve pushed Catherine's hair from her face with one hand and placed the other on the small of her back. She tilted her head upward, her lips barely parted. Steve leaned his face into hers until their noses were touching, and his eyelashes brushed her check. Time no longer existed; they were suspended there.

When his lips touched hers, Catherine felt everything speed up again. Her heart raced, and she couldn't hold Steve close enough or tightly enough. Prior to Jack, their relationship had always been physical, but this was something else. This was the first honest kiss they'd ever had.

Catherine realized that she wasn't breathing, and at first, she didn't care. She had Steve again, and she was never letting go. But her lungs betrayed her. She pulled away, her lips still barely touching his, just enough to breathe. She felt Steve's hot breath on her neck as he breathed along with her.

"Steve," Catherine gasped.

"Yeah?" he said.

She wrapped her arms around him and tried to breathe. "I don't want to leave," she said. "I don't ever want to leave."

"I don't want you to," Steve replied. "I never did."

Catherine pulled away a little so she could look him in the eye. "Why didn't you ever say anything?"

Steve let out a staggering breath. "You want to know the truth?"

She nodded.

"I was afraid you wouldn't want the same thing. That you would drift farther from me if I told you. I was a coward."

Catherine shook her head. "I was too." She smiled with some irony. "We've wasted so much time."

Steve pulled her close again, smoothing her hair and kissing her head. "Not anymore," he said.

**H-5-O**

Johnny drove Anna home. She didn't want to drive herself. He offered to stay with her, but she said she wanted to be alone. Johnny wasn't sure what to do with himself. He didn't want to be alone, but he also didn't want anyone to feel the need to comfort him. For once in his life, he wanted to be the strong one.

He drove around for a while, stopping at familiar sites to admire the view or think of times he spent there with Alana or his family. He watched tourists, and wondered why he felt like one in his own life.

Johnny knew his tail was probably getting annoyed. He kept driving around aimlessly because he really didn't know where he was going. Finally, he stopped at Wailupe Beach, less than a mile from his childhood home.

He couldn't go back there yet. There was something he still needed to figure out, though he wasn't sure what it was. He knew as soon as he stepped through those doors, Steve would know what had happened. He would turn into that protective, comforting creature he had twenty years ago. It wasn't exactly a bad thing, but Johnny wasn't sure what it meant.

Steve had taken the place of a father for Johnny in a lot of ways, and he didn't want to think like that anymore. Steve wasn't his father. He couldn't possibly take on that role.

Johnny realized that he had to accept the fact that he no longer had a father. That he was never going to get that relationship back, and no matter how hard Steve tried, he couldn't be that for him. But he could be what he was. All this time, Steve had been trying to be a good brother, and Johnny wouldn't see it.

He hated to admit it, but right about then, he needed Steve. He needed the protective, comforting creature. He had tried to be strong, and it lasted a while, long enough to keep Anna from seeing how freaked out he was.

It wasn't the end of the world. Johnny knew that, and that was just it. It should have been. It was the end of Alana's world, but he had to go on, and he wasn't sure he had the strength anymore.

**H-5-O**

Steve watched Catherine watch Jack. She looked so tired, but somehow not as worn out as when he'd first arrived. She leaned heavily against the door frame, eyes half closed. Steve came up beside her and put his arms around her waist. He kissed her jaw and felt her relax against him.

"You're about to fall asleep standing up," he said softly.

Catherine mumbled something unintelligible and buried her face in Steve's shirt. She wasn't going to move, but she was shaking, so Steve picked her up. She didn't protest, or even react much as he carried her to his room. He laid her on the bed and slipped off her shoes.

For a second, Catherine looked like she was going to try to get up. "We need to talk," she said.

"We will," Steve replied, pulling the blankets over her. "First, you need to sleep. I'll be here when you wake up."  
>Catherine smiled, closing her eyes. She relaxed against the pillow, and her breathing instantly slowed. Steve sat watching her for a second, before getting up and going to the chest of drawers on the other side of the bed.<p>

In the top drawer, the place of honor, where it had sat for as long as Steve could remember was a dull gray box with a thick layer of dust on top. He brushed it off and held it in his hand. It hadn't been opened in probably twenty-five years. Steve was hesitant to push back the lid. Did he really want to go there?

Yes. Yes, he most certainly did.

Steve sat on the edge of the bed opposite Catherine and opened the gray box. There it was. The object which inspired such terror and such excitement. Steve couldn't quite grasp why. He ran his fingers over the smooth white gold and the three bright diamonds. It needed to be cleaned.

Steve remembered what his mother used to do when she wore the ring for special occasions. She would clean in with toothpaste which he always thought was hysterical, but it came out shiny, like new. Following her example, he cleaned the ring just like she did.

Susan McGarrett didn't like to wear her mother-in-law's ring because it was "too big." She didn't like the feel of it, so she just wore her wedding band. It's the only reason her ring wasn't lost in the car bomb.

Laying back on the bed, Steve twisted the ring around the tip of his finger. It wasn't nearly as big as his mother made it out to be or he remembered it. It seemed a bit on the small side. Only a bit.

Steve's heart beat faster all of the sudden. It was just the sort of ring Catherine would pick out.

Steve's phone beeped on the bedside table, and he looked at the message, expecting another "all's well." Instead it said, "your brother's outside your house."

**H-5-O**

Johnny stood outside the door but couldn't bring himself to knock or just go in. He found himself out on the beach again. The late afternoon sun glared in his eyes and he lit a cigarette. There was no one to be offended here. He watched the lighter flame come on and go out. After the first couple of drags, he ground out the cigarette in the sand and sighed.

Johnny crossed his arms over his knees and listened to the dissonance of the waves and didn't try to make sense of it. He heard the distant sound of the back door opening and closing and the slow, heavy footsteps across the lawn. Steve wasn't wearing shoes.

Johnny kicked at the sand and stared at the tracks he made. He wouldn't look up. He couldn't do it just then. Steve didn't say anything. He just stood there in the sand next to Johnny. Stood there by his side where he had always been.

And then, Johnny couldn't do it anymore. He couldn't act like he was fine because he wasn't, and he wasn't supposed to be. He turned and looked Steve in the eye, tears making their way freely down his face.

He tried to tell Steve what happened, but he couldn't get words around the lump in his throat. But Steve nodded, and his eyes said he knew.

Johnny felt his tense muscles relax and felt like he might fall over, but Steve was there. He held out his arms, and Johnny knew they'd been open all along, waiting for him to come home.

When Johnny felt his brother's strong arms wrap around his shoulders, he still felt like he couldn't breathe. But somehow that was okay.

He wrapped his arms around Steve's waist, digging his fingers into his shirt, holding on with everything he had. His mind flashed back to that April night sitting at the top of the stairs, a time when he still felt like he had a family.

"Don't let go," Johnny choked over the knot in his throat.

Steve's hands made circles on his back. "I won't," he whispered.


	22. The Family

**Well, I didn't get anything more done. But I will have another chapter by the deadline. Hope you all enjoyed your Christmas. Happy Boxing Day!  
><strong>

**Chapter Twenty-Two "The Family"**

Johnny couldn't remember the last time he felt so safe. He'd been shot at, thrown to the ground, lost both the best friends he'd ever had, and still the feel of his brother's arms kept him from losing himself completely. He remembered now why he still felt like things would be okay when his mother died. Because Steve was there.

When Josh died, Johnny was alone. He had no one to keep him from the assault of questions and fears. Isaac Masters was busy grieving for his son, and Johnny wasn't about to seek comfort from his emotionally inept Uncle Mike. Thought they could have been, neither one of them ever became a father figure to Johnny.

Sitting in the sand with Steve's arm around his shoulders, Johnny began to relax, began to feel all right for the first time in his adult life. Ironic that he should come to that point right after his best friend died. He suspected that it reminded him he was never truly alone. Far as they had been, imperfect as they always were, Johnny had his family.

He felt tired. Like he could curl up right on the beach and sleep until morning. Johnny hadn't slept after Josh died. He'd been afraid to close his eyes, thinking he would see it all again. It didn't matter how little Johnny worried about his own safety, the image was stamped on his brain forever.

Johnny shook his head and refocused on the moment. He was watching the late afternoon sun turning reddish, clouds gathering for an evening storm. He was sitting beside his brother, and he wasn't afraid anymore.

Of course, there were still questions. Such as, what was he to do now? Go back to Portland? Stay in Hawaii and maybe get assassinated? It wasn't as easy as he had expected when he first came.

"So what do I do now?" he asked, not really expecting an answer.

"What do you want to do?" Steve asked.

"I don't know. That's why I asked."

"Do you wanna stay here?"

Here meant this house. This plethora of memories. Here meant with Steve indefinitely. Here meant fighting for something. Not giving up. Johnny knew it was what Steve wanted.

"I don't know," he said. "I haven't decided."

"You can have our old room. Or I can move Jack in there, and you can have Mary's room."

Johnny sat up a little straighter and looked at Steve. "He's staying? I mean, more than he does."

Steve nodded.

"Well?"

"Well, what?"

"What's up? He doesn't live here. Or didn't."

"Didn't. Past tense. Does now."

"Yeah, you're gonna have to be a little more specific."

"How? Catherine is asleep, so we haven't really talked about it more than that."

"Asleep? Here?"

"Yes. I don't think she's been sleeping at all recently."

"Why not?"

"I'll be sure to ask her."

"Why are you being such an ass?"

Steve smiled, and Johnny laughed.

Shaking his head, Steve got up from the sand. "Catherine is staying too. That's why you can't have my room."

"It's your room now?" Johnny stood up to and crossed his arms in mock protest.

Steve crossed his arms too. "Yes. I'm the oldest, and the only one who was willing to deal with all this two years ago, so I think I get to pick which room I want."

"I'd think you'd get dibs on pretty much everything. The house, the car. Whatever."

"It's our house. All three of us. Five..."

Johnny smirked. "Yeah, but you're the only one who wanted it. It's yours."

"Well, if you change your mind..."

"I won't. It takes a special kind of person to live in a house after..."

"A crazy person, you mean."

"Yeah. That too."

Steve slapped Johnny's shoulder. "Come on. You hungry?"

He was hungry. Very hungry, in fact.

**H-5-O**

Jack woke up before Catherine, and made himself known readily. Instead of being disoriented, he enjoyed waking up surprised to be at his dad's house. Things generally went better when he was here.

The wooden stairs thudded with his descent, and from the kitchen came the telltale sound of a spoon in a tall glass.

"Can I have some?" he shouted before he was even in the room.

Johnny looked up from the counter where he was preparing a glass of chocolate milk. Steve grinned at him and shook his head as he turned back to the food on the stove.

Jack came around the counter and looked up at his uncle with a pleading expression. Johnny smiled and picked him up.

"I'll share with you. How about that?" he said.

"Bad idea," Steve said, not looking at them.

"What? You mean he's like you?"

Steve smirked. "Maybe a little."

"Noted. I'll make you your own, Jack."

Under normal circumstances, Johnny wouldn't care that much, but if Jack were anything like Steve, he wouldn't see much of his chocolate milk, and that was unacceptable. Initially, Johnny had been surprised that Steve kept chocolate syrup in his refrigerator, but now knowing that Jack had an affinity for chocolate milk, it made perfect sense.

"Wha's for dinner?" Jack asked as he and Johnny sat at the table with their individual glasses.

"Food," Steve said.

"What food?"

"The kind you eat."

Jack laughed. He stopped asking questions though.

"Have you ever heard of sugar high?" Steve said, as if to no one in particular.

"What?" Johnny said.

"You know, that seemingly endless energy kids get when you give them things like chocolate."

"Are you trying to tell me something?"

"He's sitting next to you at dinner."

"Um..."

Steve had his back to them, but Johnny could tell his brother was trying not to laugh. He gave Jack a conspiratorial look.

"You're really enjoying this, aren't you?"

"Why do you ask?"

"You have the giggles."

"Do not."

"Then what's with the quivering muscles in your shoulders? Yeah, you thought I wasn't paying attention."

Steve turned around and smiled. And that was all.

Soon, Catherine came down the stairs with pillow hair and looking a little sleepy.

"Mommy!" Jack shouted and got up from the table. He ran over to Catherine and wraped his arms around her legs. He looked up at her and smiled.

"Who gave him sugar?" she demanded, looking at Steve.

"I am completely innocent," he said, raising his hands and pointing at Johnny.

"No one told me there were side effects!" Johnny defended.

"Logic," Catherine said. "I suppose you don't spend a lot of time around young children."

"Not so much. It never bothered us when we were kids, did it?"

"Yes it did," Steve said, nodding. "Mom was just more careful. And we spent a lot of time outside."

"Well, let's go outside then." Johnny pushed his chair back and reached out his hand. Jack followed him, and they headed out the back door.

"Two kids, huh?" Catherine said with a shake of her head.

Steve shrugged. "I was joking."

"It's not such a bad idea."

Steve turned away from the stove and wrapped his arms around Catherine's waist. "Aren't we getting ahead of ourselves?"

"What?" Catherine gave him an innocent look and threaded her fingers behind his head.

Steve smiled. "There's just something I want to do first."

"Care to share?"

"I do." Steve moved his right hand from her back and brought it up in front of her face. There sat the dull, gray box. "Catherine—"

"Yes." Catherine nodded.

"What?"

"Yes. I will."

Steve's eyes smiled. "I haven't even asked you yet."

"Oh... well, could you?"

Steve pulled the lid back on the box and smiled. "Will you marry me?"

Nodding again, Catherine ran her fingertips over the surface of the ring. "Yes," she said more breathless than before, but smiling like she couldn't stop.

Steve pulled the ring out of the box. He slipped it onto Catherine's finger; it fit perfectly. She looked from the simple diamond to Steve's eyes.

"How long have you had this?" she asked.

"Technically? About twenty years."

Catherine looked down at her hand again finding new meaning in the understated ring. It was a connection to something she would never know except through Steve's memories. It was something she wanted to be part of.

Steve brought his other hand under Catherine's chin. "Are you sure?" he asked.

She looked into his eyes again. "I've been sure I loved you since I met you."

Steve leaned in and kissed her firmly. With one hand, he turned off the stove, and with the other, he pulled Catherine closer to him. Then he brought his free hand behind her head as if to keep her from disappearing.


	23. Calling Dark

**Finished just in time... I didn't have a chance to send this to my betas, but I hope it's okay. I didn't want to make you all wait longer. I'll try to get some more chapters done so I'm not rushed anymore.  
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**Chapter Twenty-Three "Calling Dark"**

The little run around the backyard hadn't really worn off the nearly instant effects of the chocolate for Jack, but it was good enough. He did almost knock his plate on the floor a couple of times, but he was two after all.

Meanwhile, Johnny told Catherine about Alana and how he would probably be staying with them for a while. He seemed to be dealing with everything surprisingly well. He spent more time talking about their adventures twenty years ago than he did about what had happened that day.

Dinner was almost over when Steve's phone rang. He was going to ignore it until he saw that it was Danny. It was probably important.

Stepping into the living room, Steve put his phone up to his ear. "Didn't your parents ever teach you that it's rude to call your friends during dinner?" he asked.

"Cute," Danny said. "Under normal circumstances, I would agree with you, but I thought you'd want to know."

"Want to know what?"

"We got a lead on where Wo Fat might have gotten that Claymore. It's an underground arms dealing ring with connections to that guy we found last time. We're heading over there now."

There was a moment's pause as Steve considered his options. "What's it look like?" he asked.

"A lot of nasty people who probably won't like the idea of us taking a look around. Usual stuff."

"I'll meet you there."

"You don't have to do that."

"Yes I do. I'm responsible for this. Give me the address."

After getting the location, Steve hurried back into the kitchen where Catherine was cleaning up dinner to the sound of Jack and Johnny running laps around the table.

"Danny?" she asked, without looking up from the sink.

"Yeah," Steve said. "I need to leave for a few hours. You think you'll be able to take care of these two?"

Catherine turned around and seemed to be thinking hard on that question. "I suppose we'll be okay for a few hours."

Steve closed the distance between them in a step and a half. "If you need me to stay—"

"No. We'll be fine. What with the security system and my insane skills."

Steve shook his head and brushed some stray hairs from her eyes. "You don't have to be brave when you don't need to be."

"No. I do." Catherine nodded. "You need to catch this guy, and Jack and Johnny need to be safe, so..."

"And you." Steve held her face in his hands. "You need to be safe."

Catherine forced a smile and kissed Steve quickly. "Just come back. Do what you have to, and come back."

**H-5-O**

Steve had to break a few traffic laws to get to the arms dealers' warehouse in time to meet the rest of the team. No one had to know about that.

It was dark by the time he arrived, and Chin and Kono both gave him a look of curiosity as he got out of the truck and went over to meet Danny. He knew he hadn't really been communicating with them in the last few days. He'd deal with all that later. Once his family was safe.

Danny was just strapping on his flack vest and giving orders to the SWAT team. "So we do all the hard work, and you come along for the fun?" he asked.

"As I recall, it was your idea for me to go home," Steve replied.

"Yes. But you didn't listen to me. It was Catherine who finally convinced you. On that note—"

"Let's get to work, and I'll tell you all about it later."

"Great. I'll hold you to that."

Danny didn't miss the smile in Steve's eyes, and his suspicions that things with Catherine were going very well were confirmed. He'd seen it coming when Steve invited her to the beach on Saturday and when she spent the day with them after Steve and Johnny were shot at. He'd seen it coming the first time Steve mentioned Catherine to him on that case with the ambassador's daughters. He just didn't think it would take so long, but he should have know. It was Steve after all.

Putting that out of his mind, Danny brought Steve up to speed on what they were dealing with. Multiple hostiles, unknown amount of weapons and explosives. Routine stuff.

It almost felt good to be back to doing this. If it weren't in the pursuit of the man who had destroyed his family, Steve might have enjoyed himself.

The raid went well at first. They took the dealers by surprise and began rounding them up. Yet, inevitably, something had to explode. The Five-0 team hit the cement floor, taking their prisoners with them. They guy who set off the blast had been hiding behind some crates of ammunition.

Feeling the tiny bits of shrapnel that managed to hit his face drawing blood, Steve pushed himself to his feet and launched after the last suspect. He started weaving between aisles of crates. The thought that something else might explode briefly crossed Steve's mind. That would be annoying, so he managed a burst of speed and tackled the guy to the floor.

"You had to run," Steve grunted. "You'll regret it.

He dragged the guy back to the area where the others were still picking themselves up off the floor. Chin and Kono started escorting prisoners outside, and Danny dusted off his pants.

"That was quick," he said.

Steve looked over at the shorter man whom he held by the shirt collar. "Guy pissed me off," he said. "Never underestimate the power of someone who's been blown up one too many times.

"Or had his family shot at, you know..." Danny cuffed the guy, and he didn't miss the spark in Steve's eyes or the smirk pulling at his lips. He sighed. "Go ahead."

"Book 'em, Danno."

**H-5-O**

After an evening filled with the imaginary adventures of a very sugar high two-year-old, Johnny inadvertently fell asleep on Steve's couch. He was dead to the world for several hours until he heard a loud noise coming from over his head.

He was up before he knew he was awake, running up the stairs. Catherine was coming out of the master bedroom, and Johnny nodded toward Jack's room before hurrying into the open space next to the glass doors.

The glass was scattered all over the floor, but the alarm hadn't been tripped. Two men in black clothing stood where the doors used to be. Johnny grabbed the first thing he could find as one of the guys rushed at him.

As wood splintered and scattered across the assailant's body, and Johnny realized the force with which he swung Steve's guitar at the man. The guitar that had belonged to their grandfather. Damn.

The sound of a gunshot drew Johnny's attention from the motionless body on the floor.

Now, the other man was dead on the floor with a bullet between his eyes. Johnny heard a distant sound like crying. Then Catherine's heavy breathing.

"Is he dead?" she asked, looking at the man Johnny had used to destroy a family heirloom.

"Uh..." He hadn't even considered it. "Probably not." Dropping the now useless neck of the guitar, Johnny felt for a pulse. "He's alive."

"Okay, get him in the chair. And call the police."

Johnny dragged the injured man into a chair, meanwhile, Catherine found some duct tape to restrain him.

Johnny pulled out his phone and dialed 911. He somewhat calmly told the operator what had happened while Catherine made sure no one was going to get away or try to hurt them again. Johnny only half noticed that she had stepped in the glass during the brief fight, and her feet were bleeding.

Johnny regarded the man in the chair. His forehead was bleeding copiously, and he had not yet regained consciousness. There were wood splinters stuck in his face.

**H-5-O**

Steve had been thinking his interrogation techniques needed some practice. He might have taken it a little far, but he really didn't appreciate being blown up and then having to run after an arms dealer. And Danny was right. His family might have more to do with his frustration than he was willing to admit at this point.

They didn't get much in the end, but they got another lead. The guy they'd sold the Claymore to was a known Yakuza operative. If they could get him, he may lead them to Wo Fat.

"I say we call it a night," Danny said as he and Steve walked back toward their offices from the interrogation room.

"Now?" Steve said. "We've almost got this guy."

Danny cleared his throat. "And you look like someone took a weed-whacker to your face, and your family is waiting for you, and you really need to take a step back before you go completely insane."

Steve stared at Danny like he was speaking Latin. "Since when do we go home when we're this close?"

"Um, I don't know, when we have wives and children and other people who worry about us. Besides, we don't know if this Yakuza guy will give us anything. We still have to catch Wo Fat anyway. He has proven to be quite illusive."

"All the more reason to keep working."

"At the expense of everything you're working for."

"What?"

"Let's recap, shall we? Your brother's best friend died today. He was shot at yesterday. Your son's mother is understandably freaked out and wants to be with you. You have blood running down your face... Should I go on?"

Steve was about to argue when his phone rang. It was Johnny. And it was almost midnight.

"Yeah?"

"Steve?" Johnny's voice was breathy and distant.

"What's wrong?" Steve shifted from obsessive and angry to concerned and not a little terrified.

"Someone broke into the house," Johnny said. "Catherine shot one of them, and the other is tied up in the chair. The police are on their way."

Steve was already walking toward his car, motioning Danny, Chin, and Kono to follow him. "Is anyone hurt?"

"Uh... not really. Catherine got some glass in her foot, I think."

"And Jack?"

"He's still hiding in his room. Steve... just get here, okay?"

"Yeah, I'm on my way now."


	24. The Eyes of Storms

**Happy New Year! Enjoy this new chapter.  
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**Chapter Twenty-Four "The Eyes of Storms"**

Danny tapped his fingers on his knees from the passenger seat of Steve's truck. He was thinking there was something that desperately needed to be said, but he wasn't sure if Steve might actually explode at the sound of his voice.

"Um," Danny began.

"Yes?" Steve replied.

"Do you think you should maybe calm down?"

"What?"

"I'm seriously contemplating jumping out of the car to avoid getting myself killed here."

"Why do you not make any sense."

"Okay, let me put it this way: you are about to snap. Like mentally. I think you might kill someone, and since we're going back to your house where there is a small child and a freaked out musician and Catherine. I'm not sure what she is right now."

Steve remembered that he had promised to tell Danny what happened. "She's... my fiance."

"Seriously? That was quick."

"No it wasn't. It took over ten years."

"I see."

"No you don't."

"Okay, but since we've got that out of the way, don't you think it would be a good idea to... maintain composure in front of them?"

"I can't believe _you're_ telling me this."

"Neither can I."

Steve began gesturing with one hand. "Someone just broke into my house and threatened my entire family."

"Yes. And they're understandably upset. They need you to be calm and reassuring. Trust me."

"I know that."

"But can you do it?"

There was a significant pause. "I don't know."

**H-5-O**

Johnny was pacing between the desk and the couch. The man in the chair was waking up. Catherine stood next to him, still holding her gun. Jack was still in his room. The distant sound of sirens was preceded by two cars pulling into the driveway at high speed. Five-0 had arrived.

The stairs creaked under the weight of heavy feet. Then there was a seemingly endless silence as the four bodies moved through the hallway and into the family room.

And then everything happened at once. Steve was worried about seven different things simultaneously. Catherine was saying the cuts on her feet were superficial, and Johnny wasn't sure what he was supposed to do, so he just stood there.

Catherine had piled the intruders' weapons on the table along the wall. Chin went there first. Kono moved toward the shattered doors to see how they got in. Danny and Steve immediately went to the semi-conscious man in the chair.

Steve crouched down to eye level. Danny watched him as if waiting for him to snap. Johnny could see the veins standing out in his brother's neck, the way his brow furrowed to the point his eyes looked black. The anger radiating from Steve was almost overwhelming. Johnny had forgotten the way Steve would bury every offense until something got to be too much. He had a tendency to become very frightening very fast.

The little Asian with all the tattoos seemed to shrink each second he sat under Steve's stare. Johnny wasn't afraid of him. He hadn't been when he destroyed his grandfather's guitar on him. That wasn't the point at all.

"Steve," Johnny said.

As if he hadn't known Johnny was there, Steve looked up, the threatening glare still vivid in his features. Johnny took an unconscious half step back. Then Steve's eyes softened to the point Johnny was no longer concerned that he might rip someone's head off.

Steve stepped away from the man in the chair. "Yeah?" he said quietly.

Johnny now realized that he had to say something, and while he knew what it was he wanted, he wasn't sure how to explain that. Finally, he said, "Not here."

"What?"

"Not here," Johnny repeated. "You need to get them out of here."

By this time the house was full of police and crime scene techs. Johnny wasn't referring to them. He nodded at the body on the floor and the man in the chair. Johnny needed them away from him for reasons he wasn't quite sure.

Steve nodded. "Okay, we'll take care of it. Why don't you go sit with Jack? It'll help. Both of you."

"I... Yeah, okay. Get someone to look at Catherine's feet... And your face. What the hell have you been doing?"

"Getting blown up. Happens all the time."

"That's not funny."

"No. It's not, I guess."

Johnny nodded and moved away from the crime scene that was his former upstairs living room. He stopped himself from wondering what was going on. He needed to be with Jack since everyone else was busy. No doubt the boy had heard the noises in the other room and was hiding under his bed.

Only he wasn't. Johnny found Jack sitting up in bed, holding his knees in his arms. There might have been tears on his face, but startlingly few.

Johnny sat on the bed and put his arm around his nephew. "It's okay," he said more to himself that to Jack.

"Where's Mommy and Daddy?"

"_Where are_," Johnny said without thinking. "They're in the other room."

"Are the bad guys dead?"

Damn, what did he say to that. Nodding, Johnny rubbed the back of his neck with his free hand. "One is," he said. "The other one was arrested. They're just cleaning up now."

Jack nodded and buried his face in Johnny's side. "Sing to me," he said.

Johnny's breath caught in his throat. His mind went blank. What could he sing to comfort a frightened two-year-old and his frightened self? The words to a song he'd written only days ago seemed to flow out of him without permission:

"Little Jack

Is playin' in the sand

He's askin' questions that

He shouldn't even have

Little Jack

Is clamin' promises

I never thought I'd say

That I'd do that

But I can't resist you

Little Jack

I had almost forgotten

How to believe in innocence

How to believe that things make sense

I had just about given up

And that's when you showed up

Little Jack

Little Jack

Feels like he's on his own

He's missin Mom and Dad

And the life he wished he had

Little Jack

Don't you lose your faith

Keep believin'

Don't stop dreamin'

And you'll find your way

Oh, you'll find your way

Little Jack"

**H-5-O**

Catherine sat on the couch as paramedics pulled glass out of her feet and the intruders were taken out, one in a body bag and one in handcuffs. Her feet hadn't hurt until now.

Steve sat down next to her sighing heavily as he put his arm around her shoulders and kissed the side of her head.

"How are you doing?" he asked.

Catherine shrugged, and the paramedic told her to keep still. She turned her head to look Steve in the eye.

About that time, Danny came over to them, and as usual, began speaking mid-sentence. "And you're staying with us," he said.

Steve shook his head. "We can go to Catherine's place, right?"

She nodded, but Danny didn't give her the chance to speak.

"I didn't say it was optional. Johnny's going back over to the Ionas', and you three are coming to our house. The guest room is done, remember?"

Steve put one hand up. "Fine," he said. "They should be done with this sometime tomorrow anyway, and I can fix the doors."

"Won't the insurance company do that?"

"They always take forever."

"And he has to do everything," Catherine said. "_Everything_," she repeated, drawing out the word.

The paramedics finished up with Catherine's feet and took a look at the cuts on Steve's face. Once everyone had been sufficiently prodded, they went outside. Jack was still clinging to Johnny and didn't want to let him go. Steve managed to convince him he would see Johnny in the morning. Then he took Catherine and Jack in his car to Danny and Rachel's house while Danny drove Johnny back to the Ionas'.

"So this is normal?" Johnny said, gazing out the passenger window into the dark.

"What are you referring to exactly?" Danny said.

"Everything."

"Any one of the events of today might be considered normal. In rapid succession, not so much."

"Hmm."

"I like to say you're brother is a magnet for trouble, but I think the truth is he's just too good."

"So all the nasty murderers in the world have to hate him?"

"Something like that."

"I don't know if... I can get used to that."

"Good."

"Good?"

"Yeah, someone around here has to be sane."

"You do know that something like sixty percent of musicians have diagnosable mental disorders?"

"I did not know that. But I do know that you are far more stable than Steve seems to be. Though I suppose that might change now. I don't know. He didn't seem any different today. Although he did calm down a little when you talked to him."

"He did?"

"You noticed the glare of death?"

"Is that what you call it?"

"What would you call it?"

"I guess that fits. So what did I do?"

"Nothing. I mean, you're just one of those people. He knows he doesn't have to tone it down around me because I've seen him at his worst, but he wants to protect you."

"I never knew what that felt like until today. Wanting to protect someone. Someone I hardly know. Must be what you guys do every day."

"It's not something I would recommend as a day job."

"I don't actually have a day job."

"I has it's perks. None that immediately come to mind, though."

Johnny half laughed. "Hey, thanks for everything, Danny."

"What do you mean?"

"I mean taking care of Steve and everything. He's never really had anyone else like that. You probably don't feel like you accomplish much, but I know it means a lot to him. It means a lot to me."

Danny nodded. "Well, you're welcome, I guess. I'm glad you're here. As rough as everything started out, I think it's good for your family."

"Yeah... What's left of it, anyway."


	25. Everything Ends

**Chapter Twenty-Five "Everything Ends"**

When they arrived at Danny's house, Steve got Jack out of his car seat and followed Catherine into the house. Rachel was waiting for them inside and showed Catherine to the recently finished guest room.

Steve stayed behind and went to lay Jack on the couch. But the two-year-old was still awake and held onto Steve's neck. So, Steve sat down and settled Jack in his lap.

"Daddy," Jack mumbled. "The bad guys can't get us here, right?"

Steve felt his heart in his throat. He knew this must have been how his father felt when their mother was killed. He knew his family was in danger and did the only thing he could think of to protect them. But Steve could never send his family away. He couldn't live wondering when or if he would ever see them again. Still, he had to do something.

"No, Jack, they can't" he said, not knowing how true it really was and thinking he had never knowingly lied to his son before.

But what else could he say? There was no way he would leave his son thinking he was in danger. He understood a little of why his father had said their mother died in an accident. A little.

"I promise I won't let anyone hurt you, Jack," Steve said. At least that was true.

Jack snuggled his head into Steve's shoulder, grasping his shirt in his small hands. "I love you, Daddy," he whispered.

Steve felt the lump in his throat become thicker. He wrapped his arms around Jack, holding him as tightly as he could without hurting him.

"I love you so much, Jack," he said. "I'll never let anything happen to you."

**H-5-O**

Once Jack had calmed down enough to go to sleep, Steve made his way to the guest room. It still smelled like new paint and freshly washed sheets. Catherine was in bed, but she wasn't sleeping.

After kicking off his shoes and changing his clothes, Steve slid under the covers next to her. Wrapping his arm around her waist he whispered in her ear.

"You okay?"

"Mmh."

"That's not an answer."

"I'm tired. Is Jack sleeping in the living room?"

"Yeah. He's out. Thank God."

Catherine turned around so she could face Steve. His hand rested on her hip and she took the other one in hers.

"Are you okay?" she asked.

"I wasn't there."

"That's not what I mean."

"I'm fine. Everyone's okay; why wouldn't I be?"

"Because someone broke into your house and threatened us, and you weren't there. You were out doing what you were supposed to be doing. You'd taken every possible measure to make sure no one got close to us. I can imagine you're not all that thrilled right now."

"Maybe..." Steve smirked. "Maybe I'll have to take one of those stay at home jobs where you address junk mail or whatever."

Catherine ran her finger down the side of Steve's face. "You would die after the first day."

"So, you see my problem."

"Yes." Catherine pulled Steve closer and rested her head against his chest. "I want this to be over just as much as you do. I want my family safe too. I was just thinking... I should take Jack to see my parents."

"What?"

"Well, I haven't exactly been close to them since he was born; they've never met him, and since we're getting married... I don't want to wake up one day and regret our relationship when they're gone."

Steve pulled back so he could look in Catherine's eyes. "You want to take Jack to Pasadena?"

"Yeah. It would give you some time to straighten all this out without worrying about us, and maybe we could see Mary Ann while we're there. You know she hasn't seen Jack since he was a baby."

Steve kissed Catherine softly, wanting more than that, but knowing it wasn't the time. "I love you," he whispered. "I don't want to be away from you. Either of you."

"I know," Catherine replied. "I don't want it either, but maybe being apart for a little while will make us able to be together longer after all."

Steve nodded. He knew she was right, but it felt an awful lot like what his father had done to him. "Fine," he said. "But only for a couple of weeks at the most. If this isn't all done by then, I'm coming to get you myself."

Catherine smiled. "I shall look forward to it."

**H-5-O**

Kekoa let Johnny in the house. The gun Steve had left him was sitting on the counter. Lani and Anna were in the living room.

Johnny gave the latter a curious look. She stood up and walked over to him.

"I came back after... a while," she said. "I decided being alone wasn't what I really wanted. I tried calling you, but..."

"I turned my phone off," Johnny said. "It's okay. I'm... glad you're here anyway."

They all sat down again, and Lani was the first to break the silence. "What is going on here?" she asked. "Yesterday you were shot at and now someone breaks into your brother's house."

"Is it the same ones that framed Steve?" Kekoa asked.

Johnny held up his hands. "I don't know, and yes," he said. "They keep threatening Steve because of his investigation into that car bomb. I think it all ties back to the guy Dad was going after when Mom was killed."

Lani looked up with wide eyes. "Your mother died in a car accident. Drunk driver, wasn't it?"

Johnny shook his head. "It was murder. Just like the woman who was killed a few years ago and the one this week. It's all because Dad and now Steve wouldn't let it go. Dad sent us away because Mom was murdered. Not because he... didn't want us, like I thought."

Johnny felt Kekoa's strong hand on his shoulder. "Your father always loved you, John," he said. Kekoa was one of very few people who ever called him by his father's name. Like Steve called him Jackie.

Johnny nodded. "I know," he said. "I wish I had spent more time thinking about that than about how much he hurt us."

Johnny ran his hand over his face, remembering again that he needed to trim his beard. He was starting to look like a logger in his own opinion.

"I'm sorry," he said. "I'm sure you're all really tired; it's almost three."

Kekoa rubbed his thumb against the tense muscles in Johnny's shoulder. "Are you going to sleep at all?" he asked.

Johnny let out a huff. "Probably not," he said.

"I'll stay up with you," Anna said. "I don't think I can sleep now either."

Lani nodded and patted Anna's hand. "Help yourselves to cookies," she said. "Or whatever else you want." She then took her husband's arm, and the two of them headed upstairs.

Anna went over to the front window. There was no moon that night, so the ocean was obscured on the fringes of streetlights. Sighing, Anna turned around again.

"This might seem like an odd question," she said. "But why does everyone I love die?"

Johnny moved into a more comfortable position on the couch. "I don't know," he said. "But I know what it feels like."

"So what's the point? Of anything."

Johnny shook his head. "I'm not sure if I know that either, but when so many people with such worse problems keep fighting through every day, who am I to complain?"

Anna watched him for a moment as if trying to make sense of him. "I think you underrate your life experiences. I mean, everything you just said about people murdering your family and coming after you and Steve, don't you think that's pretty bad?"

"Pretty bad. Not as bad as the proverbial starving children in Africa, though."

"So, if we just imagine others have it worse off, we'll be okay?"

"I don't know. I just don't think we should ask what's the point when maybe we don't get to know that. Maybe it's impertinent to ask."

"Is that your way of saying we just have to deal with he hand we're dealt or what?"

"There was this one time we we're out in the mountains, and I looked out over all these beautiful green valleys. I said it looked like it never ended, and Steve told me 'everything ends sometime.' I didn't really understand what he meant, but I think it means that we don't get to decide when things are too bad to go on. We just go until we drop dead, and that's the end."

"Fatalistic much?"

"No. See the whole point is that we don't know. I think that's something I should have learned from Steve a long time ago. He tried to tell me, but I just wanted to be angry at him instead of realizing that I should take advantage of the time I have. You'd think I'd have learned that when my mom died, but I was nine and a little irrational."

Anna finally sat down again next to Johnny. "Just once," she said, "I'd like to have a happy ending."

Johnny put his arm around her shoulders. "You said you didn't want me to stop trying to cheer you up," he said. "That still the case?"

Anna gave him a sidelong stare. "What did you have in mind?"

"Well, for now, how about coffee and cookies. And then if we feel real ambitious, we can go out and terrorize a few sharks."

Anna mock sighed. "You gotta love living in Hawaii," she said.

**H-5-O**

Everyone was long asleep as Steve sat at the front window of the Williams' living room watching the sun rise. He had only slept a couple of hours in the new guest room. Part of the reason was certainly that Jack was on the couch behind him sleeping as if his night had not been interrupted by gunshots and shattering antique guitars. Steve needed to be close to him, to be sure.

Steve shook his head to himself. But he was thankful that his son did not have his difficulties when it came to sleeping. He hoped that Jack never would.

In the back of his mind, Steve played the tune to Johnny's song about rain. He couldn't remember the words having heard it only once. And it was a clear morning. It felt like rain, though.

It was barely six when Steve heard soft footsteps on the stairs. He looked to see Rachel stepping onto the main floor. She made eye contact, but knowing Jack was there, said nothing.

Steve turned back to the window, listening to Jack's breathing and Rachel's footsteps toward the kitchen. A moment passed, and he heard her humming softly.

Steve took a moment to consider his position. Nothing in the last week and a half had turned out like he expected. He started out alone and worried about very little. Now his brother was back in his life and threatened on multiple occasions, Steve was engaged to the woman he had loved for as long as he'd known her, and now they were all in danger.

Taking another look at the sleeping Jack, Steve left the window and headed for the kitchen where the smell of coffee began to diffuse. Rachel was leaning against the island with her arms around herself watching the coffeepot. The way her sleepy eyes regarded it with something like indulgence almost made Steve laugh.

"Did you sleep at all?" Rachel asked without looking up. Her voice still carried the heaviness of sleep.

"A little," Steve replied. "I'll sleep better when this is all over."

"How soon is that to be likely?" Rachel turned her head and met Steve's eyes. Her deep brown irises had a way of preventing any platitudes or white lies.

Steve shook his head. "I don't know."

Rachel pushed herself off the island and reached for a cup. Even the way she poured her coffee seemed unnecessarily elegant. She handed Steve a cup and sipped in silence.

**H-5-O**

The cold water jolted Johnny's mind into a state he wasn't sure he'd ever been before. He was thinking not of Alana or of the threats on his life or of anything but the warm body beside him, the sea of golden hair reflecting in the early dawn light.

Anna dove into the waves in her jeans and t-shirt, pulling Johnny along with her by the hand. The salt tingled against his skin. He was too cold to shiver.

Surfacing again, he heard Anna's breathless gasp for air and saw her bluing lips. She was treading water a few feet from him. Then she dove under again, and Johnny watched her long body glide through the water.

She came up again, her hair in her eyes like so much misguided seaweed. "What?" she asked meeting Johnny's eyes.

He laughed. "Nothing," he said.

"You don't hide things very well." Anna shivered.

"I was admiring the view," Johnny admitted.

"Of me looking like a drowned rat or what?"

"And with the sunlight reflecting off your head and the water... I never thought I'd..."

"What?"

"Know someone I could write about."

Anna smiled, a real, genuine smile. Johnny wasn't sure he'd met this creature before. But it was far lovelier than he could have expected.

"It's gonna sound really dumb," Johnny said, "but I have never felt like this about anyone. Ever."

Anna was now closer to Johnny, close enough to reach out and touch him, and she did. She smiled again, and though her eyes showed a look of surprise though she seemed to understand.

"How is it?" she asked. "That you feel, I mean?"

"I... want to... protect you."

Anne pushed her hair from her face. She ran her fingers along Johnny's cheek. "No one..." she began. "No one does that anymore."

Johnny shook his head. "My brother does," he said. "Has done since I can remember. I just never knew that I would ever... do that for someone else. But yesterday when you were so upset, and I was the only one there..."

"You handled it better than anyone. How... I mean, I've lost people before, but I've never been able to be like you were."

Johnny nodded. He reached for Anna's hand. "Another thing my brother inadvertently taught me," he said. "To think about other people instead of myself."


	26. Flowers, Smiles, Kisses

**Sorry this chapter is a little late, but the last one was early, so it all evens out. And I didn't finish it until like one am. There you have it; I hope you enjoy!  
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**Chapter Twenty-Six "Flowers, Smiles, Kisses"**

Henry Williams liked to tell people he was two whole years old. It was still over three months until his birthday, but he believed he was a lot smarter than he actually was. Maybe a little like his father. He talked a lot too.

So, when Henry and his dad came down the stairs that morning, everyone in the house was aware of it. Rachel smiled like she was enjoying a private joke and set her coffee cup on the counter. Catherine came out of the guest room, and from the other doorway between the kitchen and the living room, Jack announced that he was hungry.

Steve watched Rachel's eyes laugh, and he wondered how she managed to keep her sanity. How she put up with these frequent intrusions on her carefully crafted life. She handled it all with practiced grace.

Breakfast was loud and messy. At some point, Rachel asked if Steve were going in to work. He shook his head.

"I think we should go over to the Iona's house," he said. "Pay our respects."

"What's that mean?" Jack asked with his mouth full of sticky pancakes.

"It's..." Steve leaned his elbows on the table and tried his best to make it sound the least upsetting possible. "Well, Jack, when someone dies, it's nice to go see their family. You know, to show that you care about them."

"Who died?" Jack tilted his head in curiosity.

"You remember Alana?"

Jack nodded. "What happened to her?" He looked like he might cry.

"She was really sick."

"Oh." Jack looked like he was thinking. "Is she better now?"

"What?"

"She's not sick anymore?"

Steve smiled. "No, she's not."

"Okay. Does her mommy and daddy miss her lots?"

"I'm sure they do."

"Then I'll bring them some flowers from Auntie Rachel's yard." Jack looked pleadingly at Rachel.

She gave his arm a squeeze and smiled. "Of course," she said. "I'll help you pick some after breakfast."

Excited about the prospect of actually getting to pick from Rachel's immaculate flowerbeds, Jack declared that he was done eating, and could he please wash his hands now.

"Not until you finish that," Catherine said. "You said you could eat it all."

Jack sighed and turned back to his plate. "Okay," he said. "But don't go without me."

"I wouldn't dream of it," Rachel replied.

Of course, Henry wanted to go too, though he hardly knew what was going on. If Jack wanted to do something, it had to be good.

**H-5-O**

When the McGarrett family pulled up to the house, Kekoa and Lani were sitting on the porch drinking coffee. Jack was bouncing in his car seat with the impressive bouquet on the seat next to him. He couldn't wait to get out of the car.

Steve went up the steps first, and Kekoa got up to give him a hug. The man hugged as a rule, but it was more significant this time.

By then, Jack was passed impatience, and he walked up to Lani and offered the bouquet, obscuring himself from view in the process.

"Dis is for you," he said. "To make you feel better."

Lani took the assortment of roses and hibiscus. She looked genuinely touched. "Thank you, Jack," she said. "These are very lovely."

"They're from Auntie Rachel," he said. "She has the best flowers ever." Jack launched into a description of all the beautiful flowers his "aunt" grew, often mispronouncing the names or mixing up which was which.

As Lani watched him, her eyes seemed to brighten though there were tears there as well. Kekoa sat down again and joined in listening to Jack's impromptu botany lesson.

Steve and Catherine moved to the edge of the porch nearest the ocean to look out at the view. They stood in silence for a while, hearing Jack's enthused voice in the background.

Then Catherine shook her head. "What did we do right?" she asked, meeting Steve's eyes.

Steve shrugged. "We let him spend time with Rachel?"

"I'm serious."

"Well, she's the most polite person I know."

"That's not it. Did you see how he immediately thought of them when you told him Alana died? What kid does that? What adult?"

"I don't know."

"I think it was what you said."

"What do you mean?"

"You said it's nice to visit their family to show that you care about them. That's what it's all about isn't it? Other people."

"Isn't it?"

"I guess I just didn't think of it in so many words, but you really don't think about yourself much."

"It's depressing. Why would I?"

"Depressing?"

"Because then I would only think of all the things I do wrong. If I think about other people, I tend to do things right, so it all works out."

"He notices. I notice."

"Okay."

"You don't see it, do you?"

"What is it I'm supposed to see?"

"You make so many sacrifices, save so many lives, help so many people. But who helps you?"

Steve reached for Catherine's hand. "You know, Johnny asked me something like that. Actually, he asked who would push me out of the way of oncoming fire, but it's the same thing. And I didn't know how to answer him. But I do now. _Danny_ pushes me out of oncoming fire; _you_ do everything else. You have for a long time, but I tried not to let you, and I think you felt like you were never doing any good. But you did. You do."

Catherine smiled and looked suddenly shy. "All I ever wanted was to be some help to you," she said. "I don't know if I can be all you said."

Steve pulled her closer and kissed her softly but seriously. "You are," he said. "So don't stay away long."

Catherine absently straightened the collar of Steve's shirt. "I couldn't if I wanted to."

**H-5-O**

Sometime later as Kekoa was showing Jack the workings of the porch swing and Lani was bringing out more coffee, Johnny came walking up from the beach in only his soaked jeans with Anna behind him, also drenched. They received curious stares from those on the porch. Except Jack, who ran excitedly down the steps toward his uncle.

"Whoa, Jack," Johnny said, picking him up but holding him away from his body. "I"m all wet."

"I don't care," Jack said.'

"I'm sure you don't, but I'll bet your parents do, and I'm already in too much trouble for the chocolate milk incident."

"What's a incident?"

"An incident. It's something that happened."

"Why don't you say that?"

"Because it takes longer."

By this time, everyone was on the porch again, and Johnny was now receiving amused looks from everyone.

Lani took her mothering tone. "Just look at the two of you," she said. "Have you been out all night?"

"No, we just went out at dawn," Johnny said. "Some people seem to think it's dangerous to be in the ocean when it's dark." Here he looked at Anna.

"Am I wrong?" Anna said, looking around at everyone for a contradiction.

"Still," Lani said. "You should go change. You might catch a chill."

"It's like 85 degrees out here," Johnny argued.

"None of that, young man. Off you go."

Johnny sighed, and Anna shrugged as if asking _what're you gonna do?_ Then she halted. "Oh, I don't have any other clothes," she said. "I'll have to go home."

"Nonsense," Lani dismissed. "You can wear something of Alana's if you like."

Anna seemed about to refuse. As if the idea didn't sit well with her. Then she reconsidered. "All right," she said and followed Johnny into the house.

Alana had been a fan of loose styles, whereas Anna preferred fitted clothes. Thus the billowy blouse she found made her feel like she was being swallowed.

Alana had also been shorter but a little wider that Anna. Jeans were out of the question. Shorts didn't work well either. In the end, Anna settled on a white cotton skirt that reached just above her ankles.

Looking in the closet door mirror, Anna was taken back to a summer day in Colorado Springs.

_Her father was holding her hand and she ran through the tall grass in their backyard._

"_This is where I talk to Mommy," she said, and she showed him where she had taken sections of the grass and tied the tops together to form a little cave._

_He only looked at her with sad eyes and didn't say anything._

"_She's in heaven, right?" Anna pressed._

"_Sure," her father replied with no enthusiasm._

"_Well, where do you think she is?" Anna knew a platitude when she heard one, even at the age of seven._

"_I don't think she's anywhere," her father had said. "I think she's just gone."_

"_Well, I don't believe you!"_

"I don't believe you!" Anna shouted at the mirror, not realizing where she was or that there were tears streaming down her face. "I don't believe you," she whispered.

"Anna?"

Johnny was in the doorway of Alana's room in fresh clothes. He looked like he'd showered.

"Are you okay?" he asked as he crossed the room.

Anna nodded, knowing she could not trust her voice.

Johnny was right in front of her now. "_I_ don't believe _you_," he said softly, putting his hands on her shoulders.

She tired in vain to resist falling into his arms and crying. She didn't want to be weak. She didn't want to relive it all again. But here she was in a dead girl's bedroom, wearing her clothes, and really thinking of her father for the first time in over twenty years.

"She said everything would be okay," Anna choked. "It's not."

"Not now," Johnny agreed. "But it won't always be this way. We won't always feel like someone cut a hole in our hearts."

"How do you know?"

"Because after twenty years, I don't hate my father anymore. I don't hate my brother. It does get better."

Anna pulled away to look Johnny in the eye. She seemed to be searching for something. An answer to some unspoken question.

He answered, though not in the way she thought. He kissed her gently. His hand touched her neck, and she felt a shiver, whether from the touch or still her wet hair, she pretended not to be sure.


	27. The Meaning of Together

**Chapter Twenty-Seven "The Meaning of Together"**

Catherine and Jack's flight left late that night. They would land at LAX and stay the night with Mary Ann before going to see Catherine's parents the next day. Steve didn't try to act like he was okay with it. He knew it would give him some peace of mind when they were far away from the dangers that seemed to stalk his family lately. It didn't make him okay with it.

Of course, he used his considerable influence to go with them through security to their gate. Jack was long passed sleepy by that time, and Steve was carrying him. The flight number was called, and Catherine gave Steve a knowing look. He started to hand Jack to her, but he wasn't cooperating.

"I don't wanna leave," Jack said. He got very particular when he was tired.

"I know," Steve said and kissed the side of his head. "But you have to. You'll be back before you know it."

"How long?" Jack asked.

"I don't know. Just until I'm done working."

"You work all the time."

Steve didn't say anything for a second. Jack had complained about not spending time with him before, but he'd never sounded so accusing.

Steve hugged Jack once more. "When you get home, I won't," he said. "But you have to go now."

Jack finally relented, probably too tired to argue anymore. Catherine kissed Steve quickly as the final boarding call was announced.

"I love you," she whispered.

"I love you too," Steve said and let her go.

They had discussed everything before Catherine left. Steve would stay in her apartment and start packing things up so she could move out by the end of the month. It wouldn't keep him busy enough to be distracted though. And at that moment, he really needed to be with his team. So after he took some things over to Catherine's place, he headed to the Palace. As he suspected, they were all still there.

"Look who's here," Kono said, half teasing, half asking _what the hell are you doing here_.

Steve put his hands up. "I'm not staying," he said. "And neither are any of you. Come on; drinks are on me."

"What's this?" Chin asked. "A miracle."

"Or a ruse," Kono said.

"No, he has his wallet this time," Danny said. "I saw him take it when he left the house this morning."

"Okay, I give up," Kono said.

"Is it so unbelievable that I just want to spend time with you guys?" Steve asked.

"No, but you normally make us pay for it."

"Careful," Danny said. "If you pester him to much, he might rescind his offer. I suggest we take him up on it."

"Where'd you get to be so smart?" Steve asked, smirking.

"It's genetic. Let's go."

Danny and Steve walked out the door, arguing about whether or not a person could be genetically predisposed toward whatever Danny was. Shrugging, Chin and Kono followed them out.

**H-5-O**

Johnny ran his finger along the first string of his guitar. Anna lay next to him in the sand. The sun was only a ghost of vibrant orange on the horizon. A small fire crackled near their feet.

Anna seemed to be dozing off, but she opened her eyes when Johnny started picking the familiar tune of "Sweet Home Alabama." He knew the song was ubiquitous, but it was easy, and he was tired. It had been a long time since he'd just played for the fun of it anyway. He was always busy writing something, being terribly artistic, or something like that. This was just relaxing on the beach. He hadn't done that in a while either.

"I like this song," Anna said.

"Everyone likes this song," Johnny said.

Anna shook her head, making the sand get in her hair worse. "My dad hated it."

"You're real dad?"

"Mmhmm."

"You... didn't leave things well with him?"

"That obvious?"

"Yeah. Maybe I just know a little more about that than most people."

"At least your dad fought. He tired. Maybe he wasn't very good at being a father. My dad... checked out. Of life in general, and mine especially. He wasn't just a bad father, he was a terrible excuse for a human being. It was not... encouraging."

"I'm sorry. Things got better with your adoptive family?"

"Of course. Dr. Kealoha was working at a clinic in Colorado Springs when my dad finally died. They knew I didn't have anyone to take care of me besides an old neighbor who was near the end of her life as well. She took care of me a lot when my parents were sick. Anyway, the Kealohas didn't want me to end up in foster care, so they adopted me. They'd been planning on moving back to Hawaii, but they asked me if I wanted to stay instead."

"But you didn't?"

"I wanted to be as far away from there as possible."

"I know what that's like. I haven't been here except for three forced Christmases and Dad's funeral."

"I never had anything to go back to. They left me nothing to hold on to. Sometimes I feel like I'm just floating space, a lost ribbon in a strong breeze. Like I might disappear any second."

Johnny set his guitar on the ground next to him and reached for Anna's hand. "You're not," he said. "You're here, and you're real, and you're alive."

"But I don't know what that means."

Johnny pulled on her hand. "Come here," he said.

"What?" Anna asked, letting him move her into a sitting position next to him.

Johnny didn't say anything, but picked up his guitar and set in his lap. Then he put one arm around her shoulders, and with his other hand, he positioned her fingers.

"What are you doing?"

"Shh." Johnny pusher on her opposite shoulder to get her other hand where it needed to be. "Just move your thumb evenly over the strings. Feel it."

Anna did what he said. Then Johnny repositioned her fingers on the frets and nudged her shoulder again. She reacted faster and it began to sound more like music.

"You feel it?" Johnny asked.

"Feel what?" Anna said.

"Feel it in your hands, in your gut. It's alive."

Anna rested her hand over the strings, silencing the music. She turned her head, and Johnny's face was inches from hers. His deep brown eyes gazed steadily into hers. She thought, perhaps, if she could be swallowed up in those eyes, everything really would be okay.

She didn't think; she didn't hesitate. Anna closed the gap and closed the distance between herself and everything she'd ever wanted.

She felt Johnny's pausing, his inexperience, and she kissed him more as if to let him know there was nothing to be afraid of. To let him know exactly what he had shown her.

**H-5-O**

Chin leaned back in his chair against the wall. He watched Steve and Danny laughing about some new argument that had materialized in the last two minutes. Kono was laughing with them. Or at them. One could never tell.

"So, when do I get to meet this mysterious brother officially?" Kono asked.

"What you didn't think a B&E was good enough?" Danny asked.

"Seriously? Considering the time that's passed, I think it's appropriate to ask: Steve, why the hell didn't you ever tell us about him?"

"You and Danny?" Steve said. "Chin knew him. I didn't have a reason to bring him up."

"We knew about your sister."

"She's more annoying, and Johnny hated me more."

"Why?"

"Um... that is a really long story. I guess he needed me more, and I wasn't there for him."

Chin could see how uncomfortable Steve was getting with this conversation. He also saw that Kono wasn't about to stop.

"I think I'll go by and see him tomorrow," Chin said. "I haven't gotten the chance to catch up. Kono, you can come with me if you want."

Kono crossed her arms. "Fine. What about this other news? Another wedding on the horizon?"

"Yeah, Kono, you're the only one left," Steve said.

"Seeing as how I'm younger than all of you, I'm not to worried about it. And now all the nice guys are taken."

"'Cause there are three in the whole universe, and one of them is your cousin?" Danny asked.

"Maybe there's another one. It's impossible to prove the non-existence of something. Like unicorns."

"I'll give you a hint," Steve said. "He's not gonna be like any of us. You want him to get it right the first time."

"I take exception," Danny said.

"You can't say you weren't part of the reason," Steve argued.

"I didn't _say_ it."

"You implied."

"You inferred. There's a difference."

Steve looked back at Kono. "Yeah, unless you want to argue all the time, don't marry someone like him."

"You guys argue all the time," she said. "That's part of the Danny package. Marriage seems to be completely optional."

"Well you don't want to marry someone like _him_," Danny said, jerking his thumb toward Steve. "He's always right about everything, and when he's not, he never acknowledges it. He just sort of gives you this look and moves on."

Kono laughed. "If I get married," she said. "It will be a clandestine ceremony, and I will never introduce you two to him. Ever."

"She thinks we couldn't figure it out and find him," Steve said.

"I'd get him a fake name," she said. "And we'd live in hotels so you'd never know where to find us."

"That could get expensive," Danny said.

"Well, he'll be a millionaire and we'll move to Prague, and I'll never have to see any of you again."

Chin shook his head and ignored Steve and Danny's feigned offense. They passed the rest evening plotting how they would track down Kono and her rich but debilitatingly stupid husband.

His team was back to normal.


	28. Distance

**Sorry this took so long. I had to make some changes to improve the chapter. That's what great betas "SugarMuffin08 and Riter's Fury) are for, and I should listen to them more often.**

**I'll try to get the next chapter out in a more timely manner, but with school starting, I warn you that it might be a little up and down for a while. Still, I should at least be able to update once or twice a week until the story is finished, so never fear.  
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**Chapter Twenty-Eight "Distance"**

Steve hadn't been in Catherine's apartment much in the last two years she had lived there. It was a nice enough place, but cramped. He began by packing clothes into boxes. Catherine's Navy training had not left her since she got out. Everything was organized, nothing out of place. Even in Jack's room.

At least this part would be easy.

As he began packing up Jack's room, Steve realized how much of his son's life he had been missing. Jack was only two, but there were all kids of indications of his interests that Steve had never seen.

There were airplanes hanging from the ceiling with glow-in-the-dark stars above them. The curtains had spaceships.

Jack's bedspread was navy blue with ships and anchors on it. His pillowcase had a picture of the Cookie Monster on it.

The toys were organized by type. Stuffed animals sat in one corner of the room, mostly bears and dogs. Toy ships were on a shelf just above the toy box. Legos were in their own opaque container next to that. Inside the toy box were all the things that didn't have a place with the others.

The walls were covered with handmade pictures. Each one had a title, obviously written by Catherine or a teacher. Most of them were large masses of color with no obvious meaning. The titles helped. The one that was mostly purplish brown was called "Mommy." The dark blue one was "Daddy." A yellow one said "Uncle Danno," and a red one, "Auntie Rachel."

There was a new picture. A green one claiming to be "Uncle Johnny."

Steve let out the breath he hadn't realized he had been holding. He ran his hand along the paint-warped pages. They were displayed as the main attraction of the room. They were the most important things. Jack's life.

Steve remembered what Catherine said about thinking of other people first. He hoped he was teaching that to his son, but he wasn't quite sure how that happened. They had spent so little time together, really.

Steve wondered if he were doing everything he was supposed to. He wasn't clear on what a father's job description really was. He knew he had done better than his own father, but that was saying very little.

And he certainly had not done well with Catherine. There was no excuse, no explanation, no good reason things had gone the way they did.

Perhaps that was why he hadn't wanted her to leave. Or one of the many reasons. Steve hadn't had remotely enough time to make things right.

He left Jack's room, taking with him the boxes of clothes and toys he had packed up. It was getting late. He should go to bed, but he could seem to make up his mind to. He sat on the couch and stared at the wall. For a moment, he was anywhere but the tiny, empty apartment.

He was on that ship in the Persian Gulf the first day he met Catherine. They'd flirted, teased, agreed to meet for dinner in Coronado.

He was on a football field, receiving the applause of fans. Only this time, he noticed his father and Chin in the stands.

He was on the beach teaching his three-year-old brother to build a sandcastle.

Steve blinked hard, surprised at how his eyes were burning. He lay back on the couch and pulled a blanket over himself. He closed his eyes and let the tears fall. Everything wasn't supposed to be okay yet.

But it would be eventually.

**H-5-O**

It had been several years since Catherine had been in California. She'd spent her last few years in the Navy mostly on a ship somewhere in the Pacific or the Persian Gulf. Now, here she was, all of half an hour from her parents' home. The home where she grew up. They'd never met Jack. In fact they'd hardly spoken to her at all since she had him.

Catherine wasn't sure if she should call ahead or just show up. She dreaded either prospect. Calling would be difficult, but dropping by unannounced might send the message that she wanted to come home. She didn't.

So, as she laid there on Mary Ann's couch wishing she were 3,000 miles across the ocean, Catherine decided she would call her parents in the morning.

Morning. It came too soon. Catherine was tired from the late flight. She was tired from everything that had happened the past several days. She couldn't have slept longer if she had wanted to.

"You and my brother will get along just fine," Mary Ann said as she moved between the bedroom and the tiny kitchen.

"Huh?" Catherine hadn't been paying attention.

"You don't sleep much either."

"Oh. I don't do it on purpose. Normally I sleep fine."

"Mmh. But you won't be pissed when he makes a lot of noise at five am."

"He doesn't make a lot of noise."

"He did when we were teenagers."

"About that..."

"What?"

"Have you talked to your younger brother in a while."

Mary seemed to be thinking. "I think the last thing I said to him was some thinly veiled insult about artists. I was kind of a brat, even then."

"When was that?"

"Christmas... '02."

"That was over ten years ago."

"Yeah... Let's just say I've been kind of a horrible sister."

"So...?"

"What?"

"Do you ever plan on doing anything about it?"

"I don't know. You know you just get to that point where you don't care anymore, and when you try to it hurts so much you'd rather give it all up and start over. You know, move to Australia or something and change your name and pretend you're not a failure... Sorry. That's not what you asked."

"No... but it's enlightening."

"How?"

"Your family is... unusual. And mine isn't exactly normal either. It just makes more sense now why things turned out this way... But I gotta say, it's not all that hopeless."

"What do you mean?"

"Well, Steve and Johnny seem to be doing okay. Plus the two of us finally managed to work things out."

"You know the thing about my family, we're tough. We don't give up; we don't let go... Only I did. I completely gave up on my dad, my brothers, and anything to do with them. Hell, I missed my dad's funeral because I was too high to remember what day it was or that I actually need to go to the airport and get on a freaking plane. And then when I finally did manage to get there... I wasn't... good enough."

Catherine met Mary's eyes, certain she must have heard wrong. "Good enough?" she asked. "That _is not_ why Steve sent you back here."

"Not the most obvious reason. I got myself kidnapped. I should have been smarter than that. I should have been better."

Catherine shook her head. "You can't say that. You're not your brother. Not your father. And you have to decide you want to change things."

"Is that what you did?"

"It's what I'm doing right now, and it scares the hell out of me."

**H-5-O**

Johnny woke to the fresh smell of rain coming through his open window. It had been a wet week, not that he minded. He was used to this sort of weather.

Kekoa and Lani weren't up yet as he descended the stairs and started looking for breakfast. Settling on cereal and coffee, he moved into the dining room, which had wide windows and overlooked the ocean. It had always been his favorite room growing up. He and Alana would sit on the floor in front of the window making up stories, telling each other their dreams.

She had wanted to be a ballerina until she got sick. Johnny had always imagined coming home to see her dancing on a stage. And he'd have his own stage, and she would come watch him and cheer him on, and they would be friends forever.

That was a long time ago. Back when he had hope that his family would be together again. Except they were now, sort of. Alana was gone, but Johnny still had Steve. Maybe he'd see Mary Ann again too. He didn't know, but at this point, he wasn't ruling anything out.

Johnny opened his notebook before him on the table. His latest creations were unfinished lines of this and that. He'd had some ideas since last night though, based on things Anna had said.

He'd meant it when he said he hadn't known anyone he could write about before. He'd never felt such a draw to anyone. His inspiration had come from nature and sometimes his experiences, but rarely did he base an entire song on one feeling about one person. Now, it seemed like he was doing it all the time, first with Steve, then Alana, now Anna.

His song for Alana wasn't finished yet. That one would take a while yet. But his ideas for Anna seemed to materialize before his eyes. Before he knew it, he had two solid concepts, one based on their conversation the night Steve's house had been broken into, the day Alana died. The other from their conversation the night before.

This was definitely not normal.

Before he could think further on that, there was a knock at the door. Since the security detail wouldn't have let a threat get that close to the house, Johnny figured it was safe to answer the door. He was not wrong. But he was surprised.

"Chin?" he said. "Is everything okay?" His mind immediately went to Steve.

"Everything's fine, brah," Chin said. "I just wanted to come by to see you, and my cousin wanted to meet you."

Johnny noticed the younger Hawaiian standing a little behind Chin. He had seen her at Steve's house that night.

"Well, come on in," Johnny said. "I was just having coffee if you want some."

He led them back to the dining room because he was sure they would like it too. He wasn't wrong about that either.

"Wow, amazing view," Kono said.

"I think so," Johnny agreed. "I practically lived here as a kid."

"That's why I hardly saw you," Chin said as if just understanding. "You and Alana were very close, weren't you?"

Johnny nodded. "It's hard to be sad though," he said. "It's like she won't let me."

Kono turned away from the window and back to the table where the guys were sitting. She noticed the notebook as she sat across from Johnny.

"What's that?" she asked.

"Oh, words," Johnny said, closing the book.

"Words?"

"Yeah. Lyrics. I was working on some things."

"Did we interrupt you?"

"No, I was just thinking about it when you came. I still need to put music to it."

"How much have you written?"

"How many bad guys' asses have you kicked?"

"Point taken. I hear you've already done some shows here."

"A couple. The craziness of the last few days hasn't let me get back to that."

"So you plan on staying?"

"I... think so."

Chin looked pensive, and Johnny knew he was putting the pieces together in his head. He liked to figure things out without asking questions.

"You changed your mind," he finally said.

"Yeah." Johnny nodded. "It was a combination of a cute kid, a cute girl, and my brother. I wouldn't describe him as cute."

Kono and Chin shook their heads.

"Neither would I," Chin said.


	29. Your Songs

**Sorry this took longer that I thought it would. But I finished two chapters yesterday and started work on chapter 31. So I should be posting the next one sooner, and I'll try to get more done ahead of time.  
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**Chapter Twenty-Nine "Your Songs"**

Steve worked harder than normal. Danny was rightly concerned. But he couldn't very well tell his partner to slow down. He wanted to catch Wo Fat too, and nobody was in the mood to rest at the moment. It felt like the team had been working days straight, and that wasn't far from the truth.

They slept when they had to, drank more coffee than advisable, and generally scared people. Steve only stopped to answer phone calls from Catherine. She had told him her parents were happy to see her and Jack, and not _altogether_ opposed to her getting married. The only real good news of the past few days.

It was mid-afternoon one day when Johnny came into the office. Steve hadn't heard from him much, but he had a feeling that was Johnny's way of giving him space to help him focus on work. It did help.

"Everything okay?" Steve asked as his brother came into his office.

"Yeah," Johnny said. "I just wanted to see how you were doing."

Steve shook his head smiling ironically. "I'm still here," he said.

"Which lead me to question."

"What?"

"It's Saturday."

"It is?"

"Yeah. Anyway, I have another show tonight, so if you need a break..."

"I don't know."

"Hey, I know I can't help you with all this, but maybe it'd be good to take your mind off things for a couple of hours. Have you even been home since the other night?"

"They're still fixing the door."

Johnny crossed his arms. "I thought you were staying at Catherine's place."

"I am. I'm done packing."

"And how much sleeping have you done?"

"Indeterminate."

Johnny nodded. "That's what I thought," he said. "Come on. I have some new songs, and I want you to hear them."

"Fine. When is it?"

"Seven. Same place. Anna's gonna be there."

"Anna? Right. You know she likes you, right?"

"You're a little behind."

"What?"

"I went out with her last night."

"Oh. Good."

"Good?"

"Yeah. It's about time. Who was your last girlfriend? That one in second grade?"

"Shut up."

Steve smiled genuinely this time, and Johnny wasn't about to ruin his fun. He'd have plenty of time to tease his older brother in the future. He hoped.

**H-5-O**

For the first time in a very long time, Anna found herself excited about something. She felt a little out of place as the girlfriend of the musician. Throughout the week, Johnny had asked her to listen to several songs and tell him what she thought of them. The trouble was, she knew very little of music other than her own preferences. She wished she could do more than tell him he sounded great. She knew that wasn't what he was looking for.

But she could help in other ways. She invited everyone she worked with and all her other friends to come to Johnny's show, and she helped him set up that afternoon. It was then that she asked what she would soon realize was a stupid question.

"How many guitars do you have?" she said as she was holding the acoustic he had been using to practice.

"You mean guitars in general or of that kind?" Johnny asked.

"Of any kind."

"Oh... I don't know."

"You don't know?"

"Well, most of them are in Isaac's basement in Portland, and some of them are at my uncle's house. I only brought three with me."

"Only three?"

"Why does it sound like you're being sarcastic?"

"Three sounds like a lot to me."

"It was a hard decision. Anyway, I've been accumulating them since I was twelve, and I had a little acoustic before that."

"So how many is enough?"

"One more than I have."

"I see... I guess I'll never be at a loss as to what to get you for Christmas."

"Ironically, I'll probably write you songs for Christmas."

"That's far more romantic."

"You know, I've always heard that, but it never made sense until now."

"Sure..."

Anna laid the guitar back in it's case, more carefully that she might have before. Though she couldn't understand it, and wasn't sure she ever would, this was important to Johnny.

She couldn't wait to hear what he'd written about her. He said he had something, but wanted it to be a surprise. Anna had never been very good at waiting for things.

**H-5-O**

Johnny tapped his shoes nervously on the worn wood floor. People had begun to show up for the promised music. He always got this way before a show. His energy spiked. The adrenaline pumped through his veins, and he felt like he was right where he belonged.

Soon, Steve showed up with Chin and Kono. Johnny figured that Danny was probably at home with his family. He hoped so anyway.

The time had come. It was a few minutes after seven because these things never started on time. Johnny knew where he would begin and why, but for some reason, he felt a different sort of nervousness, one he'd never experienced before. He wanted his family and friends to like what he was about to do. Nothing he had done before was for anyone else, but this show was. It was for Steve, and Anna, and Alana, and Jack. It was for his mother and father who would never know what he had become. Who would never sit in that audience and cheer him on. But if they had been alive, Johnny knew they would have been in the front row, just as they had been for Steve's football games or Mary's piano recitals.

Johnny smiled at the audience, introduced himself, and welcomed them to the show. And then he began without explanation. Anyone who needed an explanation would never understand, and those who understood would never need an explanation

"Do you think that it goes on forever?  
>Does the sea never, ever meet the sky?<br>Is my horizon untouchable forever?  
>And is it pointless to ever ask why?<p>

But everything ends  
>Everything changes<br>Nothing goes on forever  
>And nothing lasts<br>That horizon will crumble eventually  
>Nothing lasts forever<br>No, nothing lasts forever  
>And everything ends.<p>

Well, my horizon did crumble  
>My sea met my sky<br>And a new one appeared outta nowhere  
>I can't catch my breath to ask why<p>

Everything ends sometime  
>Everyone I love dies<br>So, just don't leave me  
>Can you hang on one more day?<br>It may be all we have  
>Before everything ends"<p>

The audience clapped and cheered. It didn't sound any different than it normally did, but it felt different to Johnny because he could see his brother in the crowd smiling. He used to love to make Steve smile. It wasn't that hard, as he recalled.

Catching his breath and thanking the audience, Johnny transitioned into his next song. This one he specified was for his girlfriend.

"You're not just a ribbon in the wind  
>Loose and lost and lonely<br>You're not faint lines in the sand  
>You're not lost<br>No, you're not lost yet

I'm not good enough to fix you  
>I'm not good enough to make you see<br>That this faded frame is not all that you can be  
>You can be<p>

I'm not perfect  
>And there was a time that was news to me<br>I thought that I could see everything  
>And everyone else was lost<br>But you're not lost  
>And I can't see<br>This isn't all we're meant to be

I'm not giving up this time  
>I will stay with you tonight<br>Nothing's over  
>This is not the end<br>It's not the end"

Again, the post-performance noise echoed through the room. Johnny wasn't even listening. He was watching Anna, who looked part embarrassed part ecstatic. But she was clapping and smiling along with everyone else.

Johnny memorized the image of her face so that he would never forget the first time he sang a song for her. Then he continued into the rest of the show, playing some less personal songs, or perhaps, only less obvious.

The rest of the show went well. Johnny had a wide variety at his disposal, and he could tell when people were having a good time. He made a living off of it after all.

At the end, someone called encore. That word never ceased to send a thrill up Johnny's spine, but this time it was with some apprehension. He had already decided what his encore would be. He wasn't sure it was such a good idea, but it was too late to change his mind.

Once the crowd silenced, Johnny introduced his last song. "I wrote this for my best friend, Alana," he said. "She'll never get to hear it, but I think she would have liked it."

Johnny took a deep breath and adjusted his guitar strap. He played the intro and closed his eyes. He brought Alana's face to his mind. He saw her smile, and he knew he could do it.

"When I see you in my mind  
>Your hair's so long, your eyes so wide<br>Girl, you take me back in time  
>Every time, every time you're on my mind<p>

The years went by  
>And I'm the one who changed<br>But you've always stayed the same  
>And time does fly<br>I never had enough  
>Just to tell you how I loved you<br>And everything you'd done

You're on my mind tonight  
>Should I think it was a sign?<br>Why did you have to die?  
>Just for us to be all right?You were right<p>

It's not fair  
>But plain damned entropy don't care<br>Is this life?  
>Is this the way we all go eventually?<p>

But you're gone  
>And I'm holdin' on<br>'Cause it's all I got  
>You were right<br>And you're on my mind tonight."

Johnny felt his eyes mist and his throat constrict as he played the last note. He saw Steve and Anna with tears in their eyes, even in the dimly lit room. He took his bow and put his guitar away.


	30. Breaking

**Chapter Thirty "Breaking"**

Steve stayed around late that night as Johnny packed up his equipment. Anna was helping him too, but she couldn't carry as much as Steve could. They cleaned up in record time. Afterward, the three of them sat at a table in the corner of the bar winding down.

Most of the conversation focused on praise of Johnny's performance that night. Anna was still at the stage where she thought everything he did was wonderful, but Steve was a bit more objective and knew more about music.

"I thought you did really well," he said. "Especially at the end. I don't know how..."

Johnny nodded. "Yeah, I was a little worried about that," he said. "But it just felt right, you know. Like it was time or something."

Anna shook her head. "I'm surprised I didn't break out into hysterics," she said. "I can't even imagine singing about that. But you did a really great job." She put her hand over Johnny's and didn't miss the smile in Steve's eyes as he watched them.

"So," Johnny said to Steve. "What are you doing tomorrow?"

Steve shrugged. "Probably working," he said.

"Really? Come on. Let's go surfing or something. You need a break, even for a day."

"Yeah, a day. One more day it will take to get my life back—I'm sorry. It's not your fault."

"No, I get it... I mean, as much as I can. I still think you need to take a break. Sleep or something."

"I'm not going to say anything," Anna said. "I would only be annoying." She stood up and kissed Johnny's cheek. "See you later," she said.

Johnny watched her go, and Steve watched him watch her. He hadn't expected this from Johnny, but he was happy for it. It gave him another reason to stay, and Anna seemed to make Johnny more like his old self.

"So have you decided to stay?" Steve asked tentatively.

Johnny leaned back in his chair, visibly relaxed. "I think so," he said. "I mean, there are so many outstanding reasons at this point. Now, there's just the hell of getting all my stuff shipped here and finding a place to live."

"You have that much stuff?"

"Just a lot of guitars. Anna asked me how many I have, and I can't remember. The one Dad gave me is still in my old room at Uncle Mike's house, I think."

"And every single one of them is important."

"Yes... Sarcasm, again. I know. Hey, I'm sorry I destroyed yours. It was the closest thing."

Steve nodded. "The best weapon is probably a familiar one."

"I don't like the sound of that. It was an antique instrument."

"Well, I forgive you then. Honestly, I haven't played it since I came back."

"Really? Why the hell not?"

"There might have been some fear of breaking it."

Johnny laughed. "Yeah, you do have huge hands."

"I meant it was old."

"That too. Have you played at all lately?"

"Not for a while. Sometimes when Jack wanted me too, but I've been so busy lately..."

"Yeah. Now I know what we need to do tomorrow."

"You're not giving me a choice are you?"

"Nope. I'll have breakfast ready at nine. Go home and get some sleep for once. You look dead."

**H-5-O**

Jack really didn't seem to react a whole lot to the grandparents thing. He treated them just as he would any other adults, which was good. He did, however, like the dog. George and Diana Rollins had a golden retriever named Douglas. He and Jack decided that they would be best friends.

Catherine was glad that Jack was having a good time and not thinking about being away from Steve. She only worried that when they went home, he might want a dog of his own. But maybe that would be a possibility now that they would all be living together. Of course, that would depend on whether Steve even wanted a dog.

Catherine smiled to herself at the thought. She knew she was turning into a typical mom, and she hadn't realized how much she missed it. Now she had the chance to have a normal life and a family. She didn't know how much she had wanted that.

"Something on your mind?" Diana asked as she set a fresh pot of tea on the table.

Catherine was watching Jack play with Douglass while her father covertly took pictures. They had been in California for a few days and spent most afternoons at her parents house.

"Just life," Catherine said. "The future."

"Nervous, are we?"

"Not exactly. Just wondering if Steve wants a dog."

Diana laughed. "Do you want a dog?"

Catherine shrugged. "I'm preparing myself for when Jack says he wants one."

"You say that like it's a sure thing."

"Every kid wants a dog eventually, don't they?"

Diana nodded. "Most," she said. "I hope you don't take this the wrong way, but I have a bit of a hard time seeing you as a typical soccer mom."

Catherine shook her head. "Jack likes football."

Diana smiled. "You know what I mean."

"Yeah... And I probably would have agreed with you a couple of years ago. People change."

"Kids change you."

"Yeah. That."

"I have a feeling you're still going to do things your own way. I think I've accepted that."

"And Dad? Has he accepted it?"

"Well, he's a little harder to convince. I think the grandkids factor might have a lot to do with his attitude about things."

Catherine smiled and turned back to watch her dad with Jack. He was showing him how to get Douglas to do tricks. She knew her father always wanted grandchildren. He just expected Catherine to marry some business man and live in the suburbs and spend her days cooking and cleaning. It wasn't that she was opposed to those things on principle, but rather that she just didn't fit into that lifestyle. It was why she and Steve worked so well together.

And if she were honest with herself, which was becoming more common, Catherine would acknowledge that Steve was the only man she could ever see herself spending a lifetime with.

**H-5-O**

Johnny woke up feeling good. He spent an our on the beach before going back inside to get breakfast ready. In the back of his mind, he was thinking about looking for a place to live in the next week. He knew it wouldn't be much fun because it was Hawaii after all, but it had to be done, and sooner rather than later would be best.

Of course, Kekoa and Lani were happy to have him, but he didn't want to live there permanently. He also needed to get all of his stuff out of his apartment in Portland and on a plane to Honolulu. He knew one phone call to Isaac would take care of that, but he had a feeling he'd have to make a trip back to make sure everything was taken care of.

He'd worry about that tomorrow.

It was still early, but when Johnny made breakfast, it was a big deal, which is why he avoided doing it as much as possible, but this time, he wanted to do something special. It would just be him and Steve since Kekoa and Lani had decided to take a trip to Maui for the week. They needed a break anyway. Anna was finishing up some work that morning, but she would join them later.

It was good. Johnny needed some time alone with his brother. There was still a lot to talk about.

When he heard a car pull into the driveway, Johnny didn't think to wonder that Steve was arriving at 8:15. Really, Johnny just hadn't been paying attention to what time it was. He'd left the door unlocked, so when he heard it open, he wasn't surprised.

But when he turned toward the kitchen door, it wasn't Steve who came through. Three men fanned out from the doorway. Johnny didn't take the time to make observations. He flung the hot skillet from the stove toward the first one's head. The distraction gave him time to reach for the knife block. He had no idea how to inflict damage with a paring knife, but he'd sure as hell try.

The second guy got a knife in the shoulder, and the third ducked out of the way. Johnny took the opening and ran through the door toward the stairs. He only really had one advantage here, and that was that he really didn't want to die. He didn't know if they men had guns or what they were going to do to him, but he wasn't taking any chances.

As Johnny turned toward the master bedroom where he knew Kekoa had put the gun Steve gave him, he felt a sharp pain in his shoulder and then nothing. The hallway turned sideways, and his head was on the floor. There were feet walking toward him. A fourth man.

**H-5-O**

Steve got to the Iona's house a little before nine. The Sunday morning calm seemed to permeate the neighborhood, but something felt off. As he walked up the porch steps, Steve noticed the door hanging open, and without thinking he drew his gun.

He called his brother's name as he made his way into the house. Johnny would have been in the kitchen, so he went there first. The place was a mess. The stove was still on, and there was food and knives all over the floor. The projectile skillet was still a little warm.

Then Steve saw blood. He forced himself to believe it belonged to someone else. If Johnny had thrown things at the people after him, it would make sense.

Steve searched the rest of the house. The only other evidence he found was that someone had bumped a bunch of the picture frames on the wall up the stairs.

Steve pulled out his phone and called Danny first. He knew his friend would be wanting to have the day off with his family, but there was no way that was happening now.

"What part of 'I don't want to see you all weekend' don't you understand?" was the first thing Danny said.

"Johnny's missing," Steve said, ignoring Danny's irritation.

"What? When?"

"Less than an hour ago. I just got here and the food's still warm."

"Okay, I'll be there as soon as I can. I'll call the crime lab to send some guys over."

"All right, I'll let Chin and Kono know."

Business as usual.

But nothing about this was usual. All Steve could do was think of all the things that could be happening to his brother at that very moment. He could be dead already.

Steve closed his eyes and leaned against the counter in the war zone of a kitchen. He tried to take deep breaths and tell himself that they would find Johnny, and he would be all right. He kept repeating that to himself, but it only made him feel sick. Really, really sick.


	31. Lost

**Thanks for all the great reviews. If you haven't noticed, I've been updating on Mondays. I'll try to keep that up until the story is finished.  
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**Chapter Thirty-One "Lost"**

When Chin and Kono got to the Iona's house, Danny's car was already parked out front, and he and Steve were in the kitchen. Steve was standing with his back to the sink and his hands along the edge of it, like he couldn't stand up.

"You all right, Boss?" Kono said. "You look like you might be sick."

"I already was," Steve said. He didn't make any effort to look like he was fine, either.

As Kono watched him, she got a sense of how bad this was. Steve had always made an effort to appear calm, even under the most stressful situations, but now he was looking like he didn't care that they all knew how upset he was. This was possibly more concerning than Johnny's abduction.

"Okay, crime lab is on it's way," Danny said taking charge. "It looks like a few guys came into the house and Johnny fought back. It was probably less than an hour ago."

"We could go around the neighborhood and see of anyone saw anything," Chin suggested.

"You do that," Steve said. "Kono, why don't you check the driveway and see what you can find."

She nodded. She wasn't about to make any reply to Steve because she noticed the veins popping out on his neck and the way his voice sounded like it was coming through a sieve.

Once they were alone, Steve looked at Danny. "We need to know why this happened," he said. "The security team should have seen this coming. I called the governor, and he's on his way."

"Really?"

"He sent his own people to protect Johnny. You can imagine he's pretty pissed right now."

"Not as pissed as you."

"Well, no one is. Now, it looks like there were at least three guys from the direction of the knives and the skillet. Johnny probably got away from them and ran upstairs, and that's where they caught him. The gun was still in Kekoa's nightstand, so he never made it that far."

"You seem to have this all figured out."

Steve shook his head. "No, because if he got by them and was running, I don't see how he wouldn't make it to the bedroom, unless one of them was right behind him, but it doesn't look that way."

"Another guy?"

"Probably. I mean, Wo Fat has a lot of resources, and he's probably getting frustrated... which isn't good."

"Okay, let's not think of that right now."

"Stay positive, right?"

"Yeah."

"You know how stupid that sounds right now?"

"Well, it's better than spewing your guts again." Danny put his hand on Steve's shoulder. He couldn't do anything else, and he felt the tension rolling off of Steve.

**H-5-O**

Governor Denning was a little more than pissed. He took it upon himself to chew out the entire security staff and promised an investigation into their negligence would be forthcoming. People would be fired. Not that it would make him feel any better... well, perhaps a little.

He didn't like to admit it, but Denning was still reeling from the loss of his friend, Officer Weston. She hadn't been working with him long, but he had come to trust her in a situation where he often doubted the people surrounding him.

Denning had been close to Governor Jameson, and he never knew what she was into. He often blamed himself for not seeing her corruption, and he wanted to be sure nothing like that would ever happen again. He needed people he could trust.

Steve McGarrett was one of those people. And now he was under attack again. Denning couldn't help that. But he sure as hell could do something about Wo Fat. He could give Five-0 the unlimited resources they needed. He could make sure Steve knew that he was on his side in this.

Denning really didn't care that much about John McGarrett Jr. except that he was Steve's brother. And he knew, even though Steve would never knowingly show it, that he worried about his family especially now.

Denning had purposefully maintained distance from Steve's personal life, but he had a feeling that would no longer be the case. With the brother missing, the rest of them might be in danger as well. That was simply not acceptable.

Denning found Steve and Danny still in the Iona's kitchen. Crime scene investigators were milling through the house, and HPD officers were talking with the two Five-0 members.

Everyone came to attention when Denning entered the room. It was sometimes nice to be the most important person in the room. But in Denning's eyes, Steve was the most important person here.

"May I speak with you, Commander McGarrett?" he said.

Steve nodded, and they moved off into the dining room where it was quiet. "You didn't have to come," Steve said.

"Yes I did," Denning replied. "This is exactly what I didn't want to happen."

"Join the club."

"How close are you to actually finding Wo Fat?"

"Close enough, I guess. I don't know. We caught up to one of his Yakuza underlings, but he hasn't been talking so far."

"Then make him talk."

"Sir, you know what that means."

"And I told you when Lori was killed that I want you to use any means necessary. This has gone on too long. Too many people are being put in danger. And on that note, where is the rest of your family?"

"California," Steve said. "My sister is still in LA, and my son and fiance are in Pasadena with her parents."

"You're engaged? Congratulations."

"Yeah. Thanks."

"It's good they're all out of the way."

Steve shook his head. "Wo Fat went after Johnny two years ago when he was still in Portland. If he doesn't get what he wants from this, he can easily go after them."

"Then you make sure he never gets the chance. I don't care what you have to do to bring your brother back alive and take Wo Fat down. Just do it, Steve."

**H-5-O**

Johnny regained consciousness to find that he was in a sitting position. His head jostled from side to side like he was moving. Steadying himself and opening his eyes, he saw that he was in the back of a van, leaning against the doors. There were two men sitting on seats along the sides and two men in the front.

One of the men closest to Johnny had a nasty looking burn covering the left of his face. The one he'd hit with the skillet. The guy in the passenger seat seemed to be holding his arm. The knife.

The second guy in the back looked to see Johnny waking. "I'd strongly advise you not to try anything," he said as he brandished handgun with a silencer. Johnny had been shot at enough for one lifetime that he figured he'd take the guy's advice for now.

It wasn't like he could escape a moving van anyway. Steve probably could, but he wasn't Steve. The guards fell into silence, which Johnny appreciated. It gave him more time to focus on the process of freaking out internally and then trying to figure out what to do next.

He didn't know how long it had been since they took him, but since they were still driving, it couldn't have been more than fifteen minutes or so. Which meant Steve would be getting to the house in about half an hour. He would find Johnny missing and come after him.

The only problem was Johnny had no idea where he was going, and feeling his pockets, he could tell they had deprived him of his cell phone. Strangely enough, his lighter was still there. That could be useful later.

The van kept moving for another twenty minute or so. That meant they were outside the city. Johnny couldn't tell which direction they'd gone. He always got turned around, and being knocked out didn't help any. That was two head wounds in the same week. Lovely.

When the van stopped, the two guards came toward Johnny. Burnt Face looked as if he would very much like to give Johnny his third head wound for the week, but he restrained himself. They dragged him out of the van. There was only one building close by, and it was surrounded by fields which were bordered by brush and trees. Johnny couldn't hear the ocean. So they'd gone inland.

The guards pushed him inside. From behind, he heard the man with the stab wound cursing. He was glad he'd gotten in a few hits anyway.

Inside the building were a lot of hallways and doors. They took him down several passages to the point where Johnny was almost afraid he might not be able to find his way out. Finally they came to a thick metal door with a dirty window. The guards pushed him inside and closed the door with a loud _thud_.

Johnny looked around him: concrete walls with no windows. This was shaping up to be a really crappy morning.


	32. Uncle Joe

**Thanks for all the reviews. I'm going to try to get some more chapters done this week so I'm not rushed to get it done since this is the last one I have so far. Since this is a couple of years in the future, Joe has been gone for a while after he left in season 2.  
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**Chapter Thirty-Two "Uncle Joe"**

Catherine tapped her fingers on the faded blue Formica counter top. Mary Ann was watching her to see what she would do. There was a long silence between them. Catherine slowly spun her phone on the counter.

"It's only gonna get worse," Mary Ann finally said. "You know he wouldn't want us there."

Catherine shook her head. "That's not what concerns me," she said.

"What does?"

"He'll need us. He'd never admit it, but he will."

"But what can we do about it? Maybe you have the skills to track down kidnappers, but I sure as hell don't."

"That's not what I meant, but I think I know someone who could help in that department."

"Who?"

Catherine picked up her phone and scrolled through her contacts. She found the little used number and hit _send_. It rang a couple of times before the answer came.

"Hey, Joe? It's Catherine Rollins. I think Steve might need your help again."

Mary Ann gave Catherine an incredulous look, but Catherine ignored her.

"What is it this time?" Joe asked.

"Johnny has been kidnapped, probably by Wo Fat."

"Johnny's in Hawaii?"

"Yeah. Long story. I'm in LA right now with Mary Ann, and I don't think I'd be able to get a flight back until tomorrow. And there's Jack to worry about."

"I see what you mean. You three stay there. I'll take care of Steve."

"Why do I get a sense of impending doom?"

"Could be stress. Maybe you should relax."

"You're very funny."

"No, I"m serious. I will make sure nothing happens to Steve. I can be there by tonight."

"I knew you could. Just... don't let him do anything stupid, okay? Or at least go with him."

Joe laughed. "Oh you can be sure I won't let him out of my sight. You take care of Jack and Mary. I'll help Steve find JJ."

"You call him JJ?"

"Where do you think he came up with that silly stage name? Yes, I keep tabs on my 'nephews' even though they don't know it. I'll keep you posted."

"Thanks, Joe."

Catherine hung up, and Mary Ann was still giving her weird looks. Catherine got up from the counter and went into the living room.

"We'll stay here for now," she said with her back still to Mary Ann. "Joe is going to help Steve."

"He's just gonna drop everything?" Mary asked.

"You know him better than I do."

"Knew. I knew him. I haven't talked to him in years. He and Steve were always closer."

"Well, if anyone can help, it's Joe. He's willing to do more for his friends than most people."

"A lot like Steve. It scares me."

Catherine laughed humorlessly. Honestly, it scared her too.

**H-5-O**

Danny paced back and forth trying to figure out what to do next. After coming back to HQ, interviewing their suspect, and getting nothing out of him, Steve had disappeared without telling anyone where he was going. He wasn't in any of the usual spots. Danny was about ready to call the Navy and ask if they could find him. He wasn't sure if you could call the Navy. Maybe there was a receptionist or something.

It was around that time when a surprising visitor walked into HQ. Danny stared for a second as Joe came through the doors and smiled at him.

"Happy to see me?" he asked.

"I haven't made up my mind yet," Danny said. "What're you doing here?"

"Catherine called me. Told me JJ's missing."

"Yeah... And now Steve's run off too."

"Has he?" Joe didn't sound surprised.

"Yes, and I can't find him anywhere."

"I think I know where he is."

"Really? That's convenient."

"Can I borrow a car?"

"What? You don't think you should take me with you?"

"If he's where I think, no, I don't."

"Somewhere worse than North Korea?"

"To him. Trust me, Danny. I'll bring him back."

Danny nodded reluctantly and handed Joe his keys. "Just don't let him drive. When he's upset, he runs lights."

**H-5-O**

Steve sat in the grass, leaning against the cold stone, trying to stop his heart from pounding out of his chest, tying to breathe. He'd been through so many impossible situations, suffered so much loss, but somehow this was worse. Something snapped inside him, and he couldn't take any more.

"I'm sorry!" he said a little too loudly. "I'm sorry I wasn't good enough, Dad. I'm sorry I couldn't protect him."

Steve bowed his head to his knees. He felt himself shaking, and try as he might, he couldn't stop. He couldn't control it. He wondered if this was what it felt like to go insane.

It wasn't just that he was being emotional. He had a violent physical reaction to all of this. He'd been sick several times, and with nothing in his stomach, it felt worse. The interrogation hadn't helped much either. He had to get away before he killed someone.

It wasn't even that he so much wanted to come here, but he'd been putting this off far too long. He'd refused to admit to himself how much guilt he bore for everything that had happened between himself and Johnny over the last twenty years. Now it was much worse.

"I know I failed," he said. "I just thought I was about to get a second chance. I know it was all my fault. I couldn't deal with everything, and I left him to fend for himself. I was selfish, but I didn't think he would be put in so much danger because of it."

Steve shook his head, trying to blink back the stinging in his eyes. He leaned back and looked at the dim sky. He let out a long, shaky breath. There was no answer to his confessions. No forgiveness, no absolution. He was and always would be guilty. And now he had his brother's life on his conscience.

"God, please don't let him die," Steve said. He'd never really believed in prayer, but it couldn't hurt. He always believed there was a God, but didn't think that fact had much to do with his life.

Steve wasn't about to deny his desperation. He would freely admit it to the world if it made Johnny safe. He would do anything, and that scared him. Under normal circumstances, Steve had limits, though Danny probably wouldn't believe that. But once he realized Johnny had been taken, any semblance of inhibition disappeared.

He couldn't do this. He couldn't let himself go down that road because he would leave Catherine and Jack in his wake. He would destroy their lives if he crossed too many lines. He would leave them all to fend for themselves just like his father had done with him, like he had done with Johnny when they were kids.

The guilt would never leave him. He couldn't help that. But he had to keep sane. He had to get his brother back without losing himself. Much, much easier said than done.

**H-5-O**

Johnny tried to keep track of time. The best he could tell he had been locked in the concrete room for several hours. Since there were no windows, he had no way of telling. But he sang to himself, and by remembering how many songs he'd sung, he could measure the time fairly well.

It was probably getting to be late afternoon when the door opened and closed, letting in a young woman. She looked uncomfortable, but she carried a tray of food. Johnny realized he hadn't eaten at all that day.

"Thought you'd be hungry," she said. She had a light, almost childish voice. Under other circumstances, Johnny would have expected her to be a very nice person.

"Who are you?" he asked.

She shook her head. "Doesn't matter; you don't know me. You, on the other hand, are Steve McGarrett's brother."

"How do you know that?"

"I know a lot of things most people don't. I know you're 'uncle' is on the island. I know your nephew is in East L.A."

"Joe is here?"

"Yes. Unfortunately."

"Why unfortunately?"

"It just complicates things more. But then, things are always complicated where your brother is concerned."

"So, are you just here to tease me or what?"

"I am here to make sure you don't die of starvation. They weren't going to feed you."

"They? So you're not part of Wo Fat's crew?"

"Hardly. For your purposes, it doesn't really matter. Just keep your head down. You might make it out alive."

She left the tray of food on the floor and left again. Johnny crossed the room and tired to look through the window in the door, but it was too dirty to see more than shadows. He had hoped to figure out what was going on, but it didn't look like that was going to happen.

**H-5-O**

Steve heard Danny's car pull up and saw the headlights. This was not good. For one thing, he didn't expect Danny to look for him here. But as the door of the Camaro opened and closed, Steve could see the shadowy figure was not his partner. It was the last person he expected.

"I had a feeling you'd be here," Joe said as he approached John McGarrett's grave.

Steve didn't say anything. He wasn't certain he could.

"Catherine called me," Joe explained. "She's decided to stay in Los Angeles with Mary Ann for a while."

Steve nodded. "Good," he said.

"But you... you seem like you could use a little help."

"Maybe," Steve said. "I suppose this mess is partly yours."

"So, you gonna make me sit on the ground or what?"

Steve didn't say anything, but just looked at Joe as if to say _try to make me move_.

Joe shrugged. "All right." He lowered himself slowly to the ground next to Steve. "How long do you plan to do this?"

"Do what?"

"The guilt trip. It's not helping anyone."

"Yeah. I know."

"So why are you still here?"

"I... don't know."

"Steve, you can't keep all this to yourself. You're not the only one who cares about people. Sometimes I think you really believe that."

"Sometimes... I do believe that."

Joe nodded. "You and your brother and sister are pretty much the only family I have. If JJ's in danger, you can be sure as hell I'm feeling everything you are."

"Not everything."

"Whatever you think, you are not responsible for this. You didn't cause it. That was your father and me. Wo Fat's never going to be satisfied until he knows that."

"So you're gonna tell him? That sounds like a brilliant idea."

"You've been hanging out with Danny too long. No, I'm just saying that this is all on me and John. All."

Steve nodded to the side. "Fine, but that doesn't change the fact that I was supposed to take care of him, and I didn't."

Joe shook his head. "It wasn't right to ask that of you. If he'd been thinking straight, your father would have known better than to put that much pressure on a fifteen-year-old."

Steve rubbed his hands over his face and rested his elbows on his knees. "Okay, so what do we do now?"

Joe smirked. "That's more like it."


	33. Silence and Darkness

**Thank you to all my loyal readers. You make my life beautiful. I'm thinking this story will be somewhere around 38-40 chapters, so the end is... kind of near.  
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**Chapter Thirty-Three "Silence and Darkness"**

Anna was trying not to fall apart. Years of practice hadn't really helped all that much. Kekoa and Lani had come home as soon as they found out about Johnny and were staying with her while their house was still a crime scene. Anna didn't mind having company, even in her small house. But she wasn't exactly happy about the situation.

Her parents were on their way over. They hadn't met Johnny yet, but from the way she talked about him they could be at no loss as to why this was more than upsetting.

Possibly more unnerving than anything was that Anna didn't know how she felt. She'd been taking so many cues from Johnny about losing Alana and dealing with her biological parents veritable abandonment that she wasn't sure how to feel now that he was gone.

She tried to think of what he would say to her if he were there, but they'd had so little time together that she didn't know. It was almost as if he'd never really existed, as if she'd just invented him to make herself feel better. It wouldn't be the first time she had tried to escape her reality.

But Johnny wasn't a day dream. She could still feel his arms around her, the way he felt stronger than he looked. She could taste his lips, so hesitant but painfully honest. She could feel his fear, trapped somewhere, not knowing whether he would survive or not.

Anna had to remind herself to breathe as she went to the door to let her parents in. They'd been out of town at a conference for the last week, so they had no idea what was going on except what she told them.

James Kealoha was a shortish man with thick black hair that was beginning to recede and turn white. His wife, Victoria, was of the same height, but much thinner, and her equally dark hair was wiry and restrained with a sturdy clip.

They hugged Anna in silence, both knowing not to ask questions. Silence was their support. It always had been. Like her biological parents, they never said everything was going to be all right. But they meant it. That was the difference that made her love them.

The Kealohas greeted the Ionas in the living room. They sat on the white leather couch, and pale light came in through the front window facing the street. Anna sat in her wing back chair with the frayed upholstery and picked at the arm absently.

"How was Colorado Springs?" she asked, not looking anyone in the eye.

"It was very nice," Victoria said, purposefully going along with Anna's topic. "I had forgotten the altitude."

"Your mother gets nosebleeds," James said.

The utter banality of the conversation was actually comforting. Anna felt she could now address the matter at hand. She didn't know where to begin because they wouldn't really understand having not been there. They could not yet imagine how important Johnny was, though she had told them about him on the phone over the last few days.

"I don't know what to do," she finally said. "Do I just sit here? How can I do that?"

James got up and crossed the room. He crouched in front of Anna, resting his hand over her small hand and the other on her knee. He rubbed his thumb over her wrist and looked her in the eye. Silence again. And then he said,

"Pray." He blinked. "And believe."

**H-5-O**

With Steve and Joe back in the office, Danny would have thought the considerable tension would have escalated to unlivable levels. However, Joe became a calming influence on everyone. No one doubted his protective father instinct was in full gear, but it wasn't nearly as frightening as Steve's protective brother instinct.

Chin and Kono had spent most of the day gathering statements from neighbors of the Ionas and checking in with forensics every half hour or so. Fong told them they were getting irritating.

Steve was quiet, which was normal, but he was too quiet. He was letting Joe do most of the talking. Danny saw the thick dark circles under his red-rimmed eyes. He needed rest and food, but Danny wasn't sure that would be happening any time soon. It was more likely Steve would fall down dead before he willingly stopped looking for his brother.

Danny admired him for that. It worried the hell out of him, but he admired it. It was more than he had done, but his brother had run away. It wasn't the same. Danny didn't feel any better about it, though.

Now wasn't the time to be thinking of Matt. Johnny's appearance out of nowhere had brought back memories he couldn't avoid. Even though he was spending most of his energy worrying about Steve and trying to find Johnny, he couldn't help but keep his own brother in the back of his mind. He wished he could talk to Matt, tell him he loved him in spite of what he'd done, tell him to come home and damn the consequences. That would never happen.

Turning his attention back to what was going on at the Palace, Danny heard Joe discussing possible areas to check for hideouts. When there was no evidence to lead them, they would search anyway. None of them were giving up until Johnny was safe.

As of yet, there had been no demands. Nobody expected any.

**H-5-O**

Steve left Danny a note this time. He knew people were beginning to worry about him. Maybe not beginning. It wasn't as if he were going off to wallow in guilt either. He had a reason this time.

He chose a place within walking distance because he didn't want to spend more time away from the office, though part of him kind of did.

When he got to the little cafe where he had met Johnny almost a week ago, Anna was already there, sitting at a table with two cups of coffee in front of her. Steve walked slowly toward her and slid into the booth across from her. She passed him the second cup of coffee and watched as he took a drink.

"You're not any closer are you?" she asked softly, looking out the window.

Steve shook his head. "Not really," he said.

"What can I do? I want to help."

"I don't know. I don't think there's anything you can do. I don't even know what I can do."

Anna threaded her fingers through her hair and rubbed the side of her head. "He's a lot tougher than he looks," she said, hoping Steve would agree with her, make her believe it.

Steve sighed and put his hands on the side of the cup. "I hope so," he replied.

"You know he seemed so lost and angry when I first met him, but he's not like that anymore. He's got a reason to fight."

"I know he does. I know he won't give up, I just..."

"You think it's your fault. That he'll blame you."

"No. I mean, I do, but that's not what I was going to say. This guy... I've been where Johnny is right now, and I can only pray they're not doing to him what they did to me."

Anna looked like she didn't want to ask the next thing she did. "What did they do to you?"

Steve shook his head, but Anna reached across the table for his hands.

"Tell me," she said.

"I went to North Korea to help a friend. Turned out she was working for Wo Fat all along. He took me to an old bunker and had me chained to the ceiling. He wanted to know about this name, and he thought I had the information he wanted, but I didn't. Of course, he didn't believe me. The interrogation was... shorter than some I've experienced, but..."

"Interrogation?" Anna said. "You were tortured. You think they would..."

"I don't know. I don't see why they would except that it would hurt him and me. I just hope... Well, I hope they don't."

Steve was happy that his phone rang. Anna waved him off and got up to leave. This meeting hadn't accomplished much, but he wanted her to know he hadn't forgotten her.

It was Catherine calling. Steve hadn't talked to her since he told her about Johnny. He wasn't sure what he could say to her now. She would only worry about him. Still, he answered as soon as Anna was gone.

"Hey," he said. "It's getting late over there, isn't it?"

"It's getting late over there," Catherine replied. "Tell me you're going to get some sleep, Steve."

"Soon," he said.

"You mean once you've tracked down Wo Fat and brought Johnny home?"

"Something like that."

"Steve."

"I know. I know. I... can't stop now."

"Just take a couple of hours, okay?"

"A couple of hours can mean the difference between..." Steve couldn't say it.

"Don't go there. Steve, I know you need to bring him home, but _I_ need you to come home too. Jack needs—"

"I know!" Steve didn't mean to raise his voice. He knew she was right. Everyone was right. His last nerve had been frayed, and he was losing control of himself. "I'm sorry," he said. "I didn't mean..."

"I know you didn't," Catherine said. "You have to recharge if you're going to stay sane."

Steve nodded though she couldn't see him. "Yeah. I have to go." He stood up, and started toward the door.

"Okay. Take care of yourself. I love you."

"I love you too. Tell Jack..."

"I will."

Steve put his phone away as he walked outside into the dark. He knew he should go back to his office and catch a few hours of sleep on his couch. He knew he wouldn't do it.

As he turned toward the Palace, he heard something from the shadows on the other side of the cafe door. He turned to see a small form emerge from the ink-blackness. A woman stood in the artificial light of the cafe's flourescents.

Steve could feel his eyes widen and his empty stomach lurch. "Jenna?" he choked.

She nodded. "Hi Steve."

"I thought you were dead."

"That's what you were supposed to think," she said. "Now do you want to see your brother alive again or not?"


	34. Predictable

**A big thank you to all my loyal readers. You guys make this so much more fun. We're approaching the end now, but don't think I won't have a long denouement; I will.**

**Also thanks to Riter's Fury who has been helping me all the way. She's really awesome, and you should all read her stories. She was the first one to give Steve a brother; I'm just copying her... Well, in a completely non plagiaristic way.  
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**Chapter Thirty-Four "Predictable"**

The red-haired woman hadn't been back for a long time. Johnny wondered if she got in trouble for feeding him. He wondered what her deal was anyway.

Leaning against the wall across from the door. Johnny played with his lighter in his pocket. He was still wondering why they'd left it there. Maybe they didn't think to look. Either way, he hoped he could use it to get out. He was still working on that.

At this point, the tools at his disposal were one lighter, one set of plastic cutlery, a plastic tray, and his own wits. Not a lot to go on in his opinion. The metal door was locked from the outside and there was no handle on the inside. The window was at least two layers of glass, and it was barely wide enough to get his arm though if he could break it, which was unlikely.

The only other option was a small vent in the ceiling which he might have been able to get through if he were about 20 pounds lighter. His shoulders would never fit anyway.

So, he waited, hoping Steve and Joe had caught up to his captors and were on their way right now. The nine-year-old in him believed they were. The nine-year-old was the stronger part of his personality anyway.

He hadn't seen Joe since his college graduation. It was something, more than he'd gotten from the rest of his family. But Joe was removed from it. It didn't hurt him as much to remember the way things were. It only made sense he wouldn't struggle with it as much.

Johnny tried to think about something else. He thought of Anna worrying about him and hoped she wasn't too much. He thought of Jack in California and was glad he was safe. He thought of Mary Ann and how he hadn't seen her in 10 years and wondered if he would ever see her again.

It had been so long since Johnny had thought about his sister, he didn't know how to think of her. He imagined her the same way she had been when he last saw her ten years before. She had to have changed in that time. He certainly had, though not as much as he'd like to have thought.

Johnny stared at the door, willing it to fall open on it's hinges. Wishing he had any control over his own fate. This couldn't be how his life would end. Alone in a concrete cell with one metal door blocking access to the rest of his life.

**H-5-O**

Steve followed Jenna down the sidewalk in the dark. She didn't say anything for a while. Then she stopped.

"Give me your gun," she said.

"What?" Steve was sure he must have misheard.

Jenna held out her hand. "You want me to take you to your brother?"

Steve crossed his arms. "Yeah, that's not about to happen."

"I'm not asking you to trust me," Jenna said. "In fact I'm not asking you anything. I'm giving you the chance to trade."

Steve suddenly realized what she meant. "Me for him?" he said. "Just like me for Josh?"

Jenna shook her head. "You are going to die in any case. It's only a matter of time. But you can stop your brother from getting hurt."

Steve was only half surprised by Jenna's honesty. She knew how much he was willing to give up for those he loved. But there had to be another option. He couldn't just give up because his family needed him. He wasn't going to leave his son without a father.

Realistically, he had more people depending on him than Johnny did, but that was never part of the equation. His life had no more value to him than Johnny's, rather he was much less important.

Still, there were other choices. "I could kill you now," Steve said.

"And the second you do, John Jr. gets a bullet in the brain," Jenna said. "You really think I'd come here without that assurance?"

Steve shook his head. "I remember a time it was you," he said.

"What?"

"When I was waiting at that restaurant for you, and Wo Fat showed up. I didn't kill him because he threatened you."

"You're very predictable."

"And you're going to rot in hell. I'll take predictable."

Jenna held out her hand again, and Steve surrendered his gun.

**H-5-O**

Catherine rolled over on the couch. It wasn't comfortable, but she usually didn't have trouble with that. It was past midnight, and she couldn't fall asleep. She had the worst feeling that something bad was happening, and she couldn't do anything about it. She remembered reading reports of what had happened to Steve in North Korea. She'd never had the heart to ask him about it.

Streetlights shone through the small front windows of Mary's apartment. There was no moonlight like there was in Hawaii on a clear night. This was Los Angeles after all. Catherine realized that she couldn't wait to go home.

A small noise drew her attention, and she sat up to see Jack in the doorway of the spare room. His hair was tousled, and his eyes were wide from adjusting to the dark.

"Are you okay, sweetie," Catherine asked.

Jack came over and climbed up on the couch with her. "I wanna go home," he said, sniffling.

Catherine sighed and wrapped her arms around him, resting her chin on his head. "Me too," she said.

"I miss Daddy," Jack went on.

"He loves you," Catherine said. "He told me to tell you for him."

Jack snuggled closer to his mother. "Will we ever see him again?"

Catherine was surprised by that question. She hadn't even considered the possibility. "Of course we will," she said. "We'll go home in a few days."

"How long is that?"

Catherine wasn't sure what he meant, and then she remembered how Steve would tell Jack how many hours until something happened. The problem was, she didn't know how long it would be.

"I'm not sure, honey," she said. "Maybe 72 hours."

Jack yawned. "That's a long time."

It was. An eternity.

**H-5-O**

Danny found the note on Steve's desk shortly after he left. It said he had gone to talk to Anna and would be back in an hour. Nodding to himself, Danny returned to his own office and started staring at traffic camera footage. They were grasping at straws, but they couldn't just do nothing.

Before he knew it, two hours had passed, and Steve still wasn't back. Danny checked his phone, but there had been no calls.

He got up from his desk and went out to the main room where Joe was still searching. Chin and Kono had taken to the couches for some much needed rest.

"You heard from Steve?" Danny asked.

Joe shook his head without looking up. "Maybe he went home," he said.

"No, he said he'd be back in an hour. It's been two."

Then Joe did look up. "And he hasn't called?"

"No." Danny rubbed his hand along his jaw. "Maybe I'm being paranoid, but..."

"Where did he go?"

"To talk to Anna. I don't know where."

"Call her and see if she knows where he is. Whoever she is."

"Johnny's girlfriend. Good idea."

Joe gave Danny a half amused look and the turned back to his searching. Danny dialed Anna, knowing it was late, but thinking she'd probably still be awake.

"Did you find anything?" were her first words on the phone.

"No, not yet," Danny said regretfully. "Listen, Steve said he was going to talk to you earlier."

"Yeah, I met him a couple of hours ago, why?"

"Did he say where he was going?"

"No, I assumed he'd go back to work. He got a phone call as I was leaving."

"Who was it?"

"I don't know. It looked like he recognized whoever it was. He seemed happy. Which is significant considering what we had been talking about."

"What was that?"

"North Korea."

Danny didn't say anything for a good thirty seconds. "So, uh, you don't know where he is now?"

"No, I'm sorry. Maybe he went home?"

"I really doubt it."

"Danny—find them."

"I will."

**H-5-O**

Steve drove toward his certain death. He wondered why they prolonged this, but if Wo Fat still thought he knew who Shelburne was, that would explain it. Only now, Steve did know. Joe had told him that Shelburne was an alias for him and John McGarrett to distract Wo Fat while they investigated. He told Steve that he had killed Wo Fat's father. But not why.

And he wasn't sure that was the whole story. He wasn't sure Joe hadn't just said he was the one who did it so Steve wouldn't have to believe his father had. But Wo Fat didn't know that. If Steve told him it was his father, maybe he would let it rest. Probably not, but it was worth a try.

Jenna sat in the passenger seat with his gun, having thrown his phone out the window several miles ago. She was quiet and avoided all attempts at conversation. Not that Steve didn't make it very clear how angry he was at her. In North Korea he could almost have felt sorry for her, but now he knew she wasn't just a desperate fiance. There was something more going on.

"You know I spend a lot of time talking in the car," Steve said.

"What?" Jenna replied, confusion evident in her voice.

"With Danny. He never shuts up. I've learned from the best, and I've also learned how to annoy someone into responding."

"You think this is funny?"

"Not in the least, but I'll use whatever tactics necessary."

"You'll be able to save your brother just fine in silence."

"That's not what I mean."

"What? You want answers? Well I don't have any."

"You can tell me why you're still doing this. Josh is dead. I thought you were too. What more could you possibly gain from this?"

"It's not about that. You think I could just go back home after North Korea? After everything that happened, not only would I go to prison, but I had nothing to go back to anyway."

"So you decided to throw in with the man who killed your fiance?"

"To make it stop!"

"Then you should have come to me! We could have made it stop before it got this far."

"No. No you couldn't. He planned on killing you brother from the beginning. I didn't want more people getting hurt, but I knew if he had you, that would end it."

"But it won't. I don't have what he wants."

"Then who does?"

Steve knew he would never answer that question. "I don't know," he said.

**H-5-O**

Wo Fat waited in main entryway of his current hideout. Patience was vital to his success. He had waited so long for this. Now he would finally know what happened. He would finally have all his answers and all his revenge.

He stood with his back to the wall, hands clasped in an at-ease posture. He closed his eyes and breathed in and out slowly. He could see it all in his mind. He could taste the satisfaction. Then he opened his eyes again. This was Steve McGarrett he was dealing with. Nothing would come that easily.

He heard the sound of the approaching car. The end was near however much frustration he would have to endure before then. The door opened. This was it.

He saw the face of the man he had hurt almost more than he could imagine. Almost. The woman, the useful, but irritating woman followed him in, holding his gun as if it were a poisonous snake. If McGarrett had wanted to kill her he would have done it a long time ago.

Wo Fat nodded once. He reached out his hand, and Jenna gave him the gun. Shock value was never overrated.

He squeezed the trigger once. The look on McGarrett's face was more gratifying than the way his body jerked and fell to the floor. A small satisfaction on the way to a larger one.


	35. I'm Always Careful

**Thanks ti Riter's Fury for taking over sole responsibility of the beta duties on this story. And thanks to all of you out there who are reading and reviewing.  
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**Chapter Thirty-Five "I'm Always Careful"**

Steve tried to move, but it only hurt more when he did that. The floor underneath him was concrete and cold. He remembered being shot. He remembered thinking it was only Wo Fat trying to throw him off. He remembered that he needed to brace for the fall, but he didn't.

He might have hit his head. He wasn't sure. Maybe the fact that his body was completely exhausted made it that much easier to slip into unconsciousness. Maybe it was a good thing.

Steve tried to look around the room, but his body wasn't quite ready to cooperate yet, and a spike of pain drove into his left side. The wound wasn't deep, but it felt like the bullet might have grazed a rib. Or cracked it.

Great.

Steve tried to steel his mind for what was about to come. He didn't know how much time had passed since being shot. He could feel a certain soreness in his muscles that told him he'd been lying on the floor for a while, though. Wo Fat must have been waiting until he regained some strength before moving on with whatever his plan was.

This was the part that concerned Steve. He wasn't sure that he would protect Joe's secret if Johnny was in danger. He knew that was very close to trading one person for another, like Jenna had done with him. But this was different. Joe would have given himself up for Johnny just as soon as Steve would. At least, Steve liked to believe that.

Maybe it wouldn't come to that. Maybe Wo Fat would just pick up where he left off in North Korea. Steve found himself hoping so. If he were going to make it out of this alive, he needed time. He could stall if Johnny wasn't in imminent danger. That was a very big if. Because if Wo Fat was smart, he would know that the smallest threat to his brother's safety would be enough to make Steve talk.

Steve hated the weakness, but there was nothing he could do about it. He knew the second he told Wo Fat what Joe had told him, it would spell the older man's demise. If it came down to Johnny or Joe, though, Steve knew whom he would choose.

Blood still dripped down his side, but slowly. It had started to dry and make his shirt stick to his skin. Pulling it away would open the wound again, and Steve didn't think that was the best idea.

A door opened close to him, and Steve decided to stay still. He needed to reserve any energy he had. He watched from his somewhat awkward position on the floor as two big Hawaiians came toward him. It looked like Wo Fat had hired some new lackeys since the Yakuza were no longer on speaking terms with him.

They leaned down and lifted Steve to his feet. As he expected, the movement tore at his side, and he felt hot, sticky blood flow more freely than before. He kept his mouth shut though, as beads of sweat broke out on his forehead.

Wo Fat stood in the doorway, and as the two men held Steve, he shut the door and came further into the small room. It was fairly dark except for the orange light from square fixtures on the concrete wall. Steve stared at his enemy, not saying anything or letting his thoughts show on his face.

Wo Fat seemed to know he would have to be the first to talk. His face almost softened as he came closer to Steve.

"You made the right choice," he said. "This may turn out better for you than I originally planned. Your brother is fine if you're wondering. And he should stay that way."

Steve heard the veiled threat, and he remembered something an old friend in the SEALs used to say: _I don't do veiled_. Steve was the same way. He'd made a promise to kill this man, no fancy words or vague allusions. Steve didn't do veiled.

He brought his mind back to the moment. "You got what you wanted," he said, his voiced strained from the increasing pain in his side. "You can let Johnny go."

"Johnny?" Wo Fat seemed amused by the name. "You always call him that?"

Steve let out a long breath to stave off the pain. "Yes," he said, wondering why the question was even asked.

Wo Fat nodded. "Unfortunately, McGarrett, I do not have what I want," he said. "There is one thing. Only one, and I believe you can give it to me. If you're cooperative, you may even survive this."

"I don't believe that for a second."

"I have no reason to kill you if you help me."

"Why would I help you?"

"I can think of several reasons. Same question, McGarrett. Where is Shelburne?"

"Do you even know what it is?" Steve asked. "Why do you want to find something so bad without knowing what it is?"

Steve knew the answer to this question, but he wanted to see the reaction. He didn't _see_ it; he felt it. Doubling over, he thought that provoking the man who had just shot him might not be the best idea.

**H-5-O**

Danny's hands were shaking as he dialed Catherine's number. He told himself not to freak out, but that wasn't really working. He knew she would probably be sleeping, but if she had talked to Steve, maybe she would know where he was. Maybe he was just fine, and Danny was worrying over nothing.

When she answered, Catherine sounded like she was awake. "Danny?" she asked as if confused that he was calling.

"Hey, Catherine, sorry to call so late," Danny said. "Have you talked to Steve recently?"

"Yeah, I called him a couple of hours ago. Is he okay?"

"Did he say what he was doing?"

"Not really. I tried to get him to take a break, but I don't think he listened to me. Danny, what's going on?"

"I can't find him. He went to talk to Anna and said he'd be back in an hour. It's been more than two, his phone is off, and Anna doesn't know where he is."

"So, wait. You're saying he's missing?"

"I... Yeah."

"How could that happen?"

"I don't know, but I'm going to find him. I'm leaving right now."

"Where?"

"I'll start where Anna last saw him. And when I find him, he's gonna hear it."

"Danny, just be careful, okay?"

"I will. I can't make any promises for Joe, but I'll try to keep him in line."

"I'm serious."

"I know. I'll bring him home, Catherine. I promise."

**H-5-O**

Johnny heard movement, scuffling, dragging. Then the door opened, and two large men came though, carrying another. They dropped him on the floor and left. Johnny got up from his spot in the corner of the room and hurried over to the other man. As he got closer, he saw his labored breathing and the blood staining his clothes, especially one spot on his side.

Johnny felt his heart drop into his shoes as he realized that the man on the floor was his brother. He didn't have time to wonder how Steve ended up here in this condition. He only needed to be sure that Steve wasn't about to die or anything. He was laying on his side facing the door, and Johnny knelt behind him. He cautiously touched Steve's shoulder and felt him go rigid.

"It's just me," Johnny said.

Steve relaxed, and Johnny moved him onto his back. The view from there was much worse. Steve's face was covered in blood, his eyes were half open, and his whole body was sweating and shaking.

"Steve?" Johnny said. "Can you hear me."

Steve's head moved in a possibly affirmative gesture. Johnny could tell that even that was painful from the way Steve's eyes squeezed shut and his eyebrows knit as if in concentration.

Johnny tried to think of what he should do next. He wasn't about to ask if Steve was okay because he could clearly see that he was not. He wanted to know how bad it was, but from what little he knew of anything medical, he had no way to evaluate.

In any case, Johnny began to search for serious injuries. Steve didn't move or try to make him stop. That was disconcerting. Johnny remembered the blood on Steve's side, and thought that it was probably the worst of his problems.

It was kind of dark in the room, so Johnny couldn't see very well, but what he could see was not encouraging. As he pulled back Steve's t-shirt, he saw what he knew was a gunshot wound. It looked like it had been bleeding for a while.

"What the hell'd they do to you?" he muttered.

Steve made a small grunting noise. Johnny tried to think of what he could do to help. Steve was wearing two shirts. He could take off the cotton one and use it to stop the blood loss. Then Johnny had another idea. He'd seen it on a movie somewhere, but he didn't know if it would actually work.

"Steve?" Johnny said. "I still have my lighter."

Steve's eyes opened a little more. He finally looked Johnny in the eye. He knew exactly what he meant by that.

"Would it work?" Johnny asked.

"Yeah," Steve said in an almost whisper. "Can you..."

"I think so."

Johnny really didn't think so, but he wasn't about to say that. He thought that if he just got it over with it might be okay. The thought of what he was about to do sent a wave of nausea through Johnny's stomach, but he didn't make the mistake of hesitating. He took out his lighter and held it next to Steve's side.

Steve gripped Johnny's arm in a stronger hold than was to be expected. That made Johnny feel a little better as he lit the flame and began to cauterize the wound on Steve's side. He felt the unvoiced cries of pain that rose up inside Steve, but he knew why he could not let them out. Someone would hear.

It was over sooner that Johnny thought it would be, but the smell of burned flesh filled the room, and Johnny congratulated himself that he didn't vomit.

For a long time, all Steve did was breathe in and out through his nose, the lingering pain evident on his face. Johnny watched him, hoping Steve would say something, wanting him to say he was fine, even though Johnny wouldn't have believed him.

**H-5-O**

Catherine looked over at Mary Ann who was in the seat next to her. She stared straight ahead, not making eye contact with anyone or even paying attention to Jack who was sitting next to her with his coloring book.

"You didn't have to come," Catherine said.

Still not looking, Mary took a deep breath in and out. "When I left, I was afraid we'd never see each other again," she said. "Steve promised that we would. He was so sure that everything would be okay. And you know, I never wanted anyone to be that way for me, but right then, it was exactly what I needed. And right now..."

Catherine put her arm around Mary's shoulders and pulled her closer. She looked out through the wide windows and the maze of terminals and runways. She looked at the clock that said they had an hour to wait for their flight to Honolulu International Airport.

Catherine looked over all the people in the holding area with their shorts and flip-flops and cameras. She wondered when the last time she went on vacation was.

She looked over at Jack who was so focused on his crayons that he didn't notice anything else. She hadn't told him that his uncle was missing. She hadn't told him that his dad was missing.

Catherine kept her hand on Mary's arm through the entire flight. She wasn't sure if she were trying to comfort the other woman or just herself.

When the plane landed in Hawaii, Catherine carried Jack through the terminal toward where Danny said he would pick them up.

She didn't miss the way Jack squirmed out of her arms to run to "Uncle Danno," or the way Danny gave him a smile that didn't reach his eyes. Eyes that didn't look like they had slept in a long time.

Catherine put her arm around Mary's waist at they watched Danny and Jack.

"Everything's gonna be okay," she said so quietly she wasn't sure she heard her own voice.


	36. Silence

**The song in this chapter was also used in chapter 24. I originally intended it to go here, long before I wrote most of the story. Also, for those who didn't know, the quote in the last chapter: "I don't do veiled" was from NCIS: Los Angeles' Sam Hanna, who has been said to know Steve.**

**Chapter Thirty-Six "Silence"**

Joe came back to the Palace looking a little brighter than he had the night before. Danny was back from the airport having dropped Catherine, Mary, and Jack off at Steve's house. Chin and Kono had produced gallons of coffee from somewhere.

They all gathered around the smart table, and Joe input some information. "I put out some feelers last night, and I think I may have gotten something," he said. "I asked around some of the guys involved with the Victor Hesse case to see if they knew any possible hideouts on the island, and they gave me some."

"You think Wo Fat could be in one of these places?" Chin asked.

"Wo Fat, Steve, and JJ," Joe said.

"So how do we narrow it down?" Kono asked.

"He'd need a place far from people where no one could hear or see anything," Joe said. "That rules out these two." He moved some satellite photos out of the way on the smart board.

"Okay," Danny said, "it would probably be somewhere large enough to keep men and hostages."

"So not this one," Kono said, taking away another picture.

"And he likes to be underground," Chin said.

One image remained. An abandoned World War II bunker that technically still belonged to the U.S. Government. It was out of the city, near the road, but out of sight, and there were no houses or buildings within several miles.

"Do we have any recent satellite footage?" Danny asked.

"Now how would we come by that?" Joe asked.

"I don't know. You have a lot of friends."

Joe laughed. "None willing to risk court martial for some satellite footage. The old ones were all I could get."

"Wait," Kono said. "Take a look at this." She enhanced the picture on the screen bit by bit until it was clearer what they were seeing. "There are two guys right there." She pointed to the figures standing next to an expensive car."

"That's them," Chin said with absolute certainty. "That's Victor Hesse and Wo Fat."

"I've seen enough," Danny said. "Let's go."

"We need a plan," Joe said.

"Plan? I'll give you a plan. Chin, get over to HPD and get all the backup you can find, SWAT, everything. Kono, start mapping out our approach. Joe, make sure we have EMS standing by. That a good enough plan?"

"Sounds good to me," Chin said, heading for the door.

Kono started working on the topography, and Joe went to make some calls. Danny watched everyone go, and realized that he had one thing to do before going into the lion's den.

He got in his car and headed back to Steve's house. As he went, he found himself talking.

"Come on, Steve," he said. "Hang on a little longer."

**H-5-O**

Catherine discovered all of her things had been moved to Steve's house in her brief absence. She wondered if he had slept at all since she left. Of course he didn't.

Standing in the upstairs family room, Catherine stared at the newly repaired door. The new wood didn't matched that of the aged sections next to it, and the glass was a little too smooth. Evidence of what happened. A reminder.

It was hard to believe it had only been a few days since the night those two men broke into the house. Catherine still wasn't sure why. Steve talked to her about his life, but he protected her from a lot of it. He didn't want her to worry. He didn't want to pollute what he saw as the good parts of his life. Catherine understood that, but Steve was one of the good parts of her life and when he was in trouble, she wanted to be right there with him.

When Danny showed up to tell them their plan to rescue Steve and Johnny, Catherine saw her opening.

"I'm coming with you," she said.

Before Danny could protest, Mary Ann interrupted her. "Hang on, sister," she said. "What the hell are you thinking?"

Catherine was glad that Jack was taking a nap and didn't have to hear this argument. "I'm thinking that Steve is in trouble, and I can help," she said. "I _have_ to help. I've just been sitting around doing nothing this whole time."

"I don't consider shooting an intruder 'nothing'," Danny said, though he didn't really sound like he was arguing.

"Are you seriously gonna let her do this?" Mary asked.

"I don't think I could _prevent_ her from doing _anything_. She's like Steve that way."

"Yeah." Mary crossed her arms and looked at Catherine. "Fine, but if you get yourself killed, you are so dead."

Catherine smiled softly and hugged Mary. "Thank you," she said. "Keep Jack safe for me."

"I won't let anyone touch him," Mary promised.

Catherine dashed upstairs to retrieve a weapon. When she got back, Danny was ready to leave, and Mary was looking like a mix of exasperation and resignation.

**H-5-O**

Steve felt himself drifting in and out of a fog. He needed to stay awake, but his body wasn't cooperating. He felt cold and tired. Johnny sat near him on the floor as if afraid of what would happen if he turned his back for one second. And instead of annoying him, the attention actually made Steve feel good.

Or not as bad as he should have been feeling.

The concrete floor was damp and incredibly uncomfortable. That was nothing new. This wasn't really that bad compared to a lot of things Steve had been through, but the fact that his brother was there with him made it exponentially worse.

It was more about the anticipation than anything. Steve dreaded breaking his personal record of never cracking under pressure, but he knew that if Wo Fat threatened Johnny, he wouldn't hesitate to tell him what Joe had said in the cemetery that day. Or at least something that resembled what Joe had said.

"Hey," Johnny said, breaking the silence. "You okay?"

"Yeah," Steve said, not moving more than his mouth to form the word. He felt Johnny's hand on his arm.

"You're warm," he said. "Do you think it's infected?"

_It_. Johnny hadn't say anything about Steve's gunshot wound after he had cauterized it. Steve understood.

"Maybe," he said.

Steve heard Johnny sigh and rub his hands over his face. "Is there anything I can do?" he asked.

Steve thought for a second. "Sing something," he said. "Distract me."

Johnny seemed surprised by the request, but he complied, singing the chorus from some song he'd written when he was a kid. Steve was surprised he remembered it. It was silly and pointless, but it helped.

"Well," Johnny said when he'd finished. "If we make it out of here alive, I might just die of embarrassment."

Steve tried not to laugh. "What?" he said. "It's nothing I haven't heard before."

"I guess so."

"Jack told me you wrote a song for him."

There was a long pause. "Yeah, I did," Johnny said.

"Can I hear it?"

There was another, longer pause. Steve thought Johnny might not. Then he started singing again very quietly, but with no other sounds in the room, every word rang out clear.

"Little Jack  
>Is playin' in the sand<br>He's askin' questions that  
>He shouldn't even have"<p>

Johnny's voice was halting, as if he didn't want Steve to know his thoughts on his nephew. The second verse was even slower.

"Little Jack  
>Is clamin' promises<br>I never thought I'd say  
>That I'd do that<br>But I can't resist you  
>Little Jack"<p>

Then something seemed to shift, and Johnny sang with the full power of his voice.

"I had almost forgotten  
>How to believe in innocence<br>How to believe that things make sense  
>I had just about given up<br>And that's when you showed up  
>Little Jack"<p>

Johnny's voice got quiet again, though that was probably a musical choice more than anything.

"Little Jack  
>Feels like he's on his own<br>He's missin' Mom and Dad  
>And the life he wished he had"<p>

As the ending came, Johnny sang as if he hadn't been a cappella all along and now he was.

"Little Jack  
>Don't you lose your faith<br>Keep believin'  
>Don't stop dreamin'<br>And you'll find your way  
>Oh, you'll find your way<br>Little Jack"

Steve was quiet, but he was still listening. His eyes searched the ceiling, and his breath was coming faster now. Johnny probably didn't expect him to say anything, but Steve did.

"It's not just about Jack," he said. "It's about you too."

Steve heard Johnny nodding. "You know," he said. "Jackie means 'little Jack.' A diminutive of a diminutive. It's about both of us, I guess. The things we have in common."

"A lot more than I realized," Steve said, with a hint of regret in his voice. "I hate that he has to deal with those thing. That you did."

"It's not your fault," Johnny said. "I think it's about time we both accepted that."

There was a noise at the door, and the brothers turned to look. Wo Fat came in, looking calm, but Steve could sense something was off.

"I happen to disagree," he said. "You have no one to blame for this but yourself, McGarrett." He pulled out his gun and pointed it at Johnny's head. Johnny reflexively stood up. "Now, this is all over," he said. "I'm going to give you one more chance to answer my question."

Steve let out a shaky breath. He didn't have a choice now. But he would get Wo Fat to answer _his_ question.

"I'll tell you," he said. "But first I wanna hear you say it. Why do you want Shelburne so bad."

Wo Fat didn't answer. Instead he put another bullet right next to the first one. Johnny shouted, but Steve didn't make a sound. He felt blood begin to pool under him. This wasn't good.

"It's because he killed your father!" Steve said. "Isn't it?"

There was no answer.

"I know who killed your father. Will that make you happy?"

Wo Fat moved the gun back to Johnny. "Who is Shelburne," he repeated.

"It's not a person," Steve said. He felt Wo Fat's surprise. "It was an alias to distract you while my father investigated you and Governor Jameson. It died with him."

Steve couldn't see much from his position on the floor, but he could sense Wo Fat's eyes widening. "You're lying," he said. Another bullet.

This time Steve groaned. He felt more blood begin to spill out of him. He wouldn't last long like this.

"I'm not... lying," Steve said. His breathing was turning shallow. "Joe White told me about it. That's all I know."

That was the fatal mistake. The belief that Joe had the answers Wo Fat so desperately wanted rendered Steve useless. The gun went off three, maybe four more times.

But instead of ensuing silence, Steve heard movement, struggle, another shot at close range. Then a succession of fire until the sound of an empty clip echoed in the small room.

Then silence.


	37. Let This Be a Dream

**Chapter Thirty Seven "Let This Be a Dream"**

Steve's life didn't flash before his eyes. He couldn't really see much anyway. But in that moment of silence—however brief it was; he couldn't tell—he did see one thing. It was an afternoon in the spring of 2012. Mary Ann had come down for a visit. She wanted to meet her nephew.

_The three of them had spent the week together, and Mary was surprisingly good with children. Jack instantly liked her. At one point, Mary was trying to decide who he most looked like._

"_I think he has Catherine's nose," she said as she sat on the couch with the baby Jack lying across her legs. "But he's definitely got your eyes," she went on. "And whose eyebrows are those?"_

"_I think they look like Johnny's," Steve said._

_There was a long silence. "Have you talked to him recently?" Mary finally asked._

"_At Dad's funeral," Steve said._

"_That was over a year ago."_

"_Well the last time I saw you was last January, so..."_

"_But you've talked to me since then."_

"_Johnny doesn't want to talk to me."_

"_To be fair, I usually don't either, but that's my problem, I guess."_

"_Well, at least you're here."_

"_Does he even know? About Jack?"_

_Steve shook his head. "No."_

Steve's mind drifted back into the present. He knew he had faded out because his brain was registering all the pain his body was trying to process. It was too much. He tried to breathe and found that only made it hurt worse. He tried not to feel the ever-growing blood pool beneath him. His shirt was completely soaked on the left side. He tried to move his arm to stop some of the blood, but the pain spiked and he drifted away again to the sound of frantic voices.

**H-5-O**

Johnny hadn't moved fast enough the first time. He wasn't agile or quick. He wasn't strong. And he certainly wasn't brave enough to do what he did next.

The last shot was meant for Steve's head, but it was redirected into Johnny's stomach. The surprise on Wo Fat's face was disregarded as Johnny made one attempt to wrench the gun from his hands. Apparently, surprise was on his side. The cold metal weighed down his arms, possibly influenced by the bleeding hole in his stomach, but Johnny wasn't thinking of that. At least not with both hands.

He turned the gun on Wo Fat before he'd been holding it more than a second, and with his left arm pressed against his stomach, Johnny squeezed off however many rounds were left in the gun.

Under normal circumstances, he couldn't have held his aim with two hands, but instead of knocking him out like it did the last time, getting shot was an adrenaline rush. So much so that he found himself still squeezing the trigger even when only the clicking of an empty cartridge could be heard.

He was interrupted at the sound of his name being called by someone he hadn't expected to see again. Johnny turned to see Catherine running toward him through the open door, but she wasn't looking at him. She had seen Steve.

Only then did Johnny allow himself to look down at his feet where his brother lay in a puddle of his own blood. The room tilted, and his knees hit the floor with a sickening _splash_. Johnny gasped for air, more due to the sight before him than his own injury. At least that's what he thought.

Johnny reached forward, as if to try to help Steve, but someone held him from behind. Strong arms wrapped around him, pressing into his wound, making him fall backward. He smelled something familiar, like a specific sort of fabric softener used on dress shirts.

"Danny..." he said.

"Yeah, yeah, it's okay," Danny said, but Johnny could hear the tension in his voice.

"Help him," Johnny gasped, hardly realizing he was speaking.

"He'll be okay." Danny was moving, rocking. He was trying to believe it himself. "Johnny." Danny's voice was softer now. "Hang on, okay? You're gonna be fine."

He was trying to distract him from the fact that Steve might not be fine. But he had to be. Johnny had taken a bullet, had shot a man, for this. Steve had to be okay.

Danny's presence was reassuring in a strange way. He was so much smaller that Johnny, but he was a lot stronger. He was almost as strong as Steve and more forceful. His grip over Johnny's stomach was like a tourniquet. Johnny knew he wouldn't let go.

By this time, the room was full of voices. Chin and Kono were there. Joe was there. And there were other people, EMTs, Johnny hoped, but he wasn't paying enough attention to be sure. He was looking at Steve's blank face. He wanted to reach out and shake him awake. He wanted him to open his eyes and say he was fine, even if no one would have believed it.

Johnny remembered asking Steve who would take a bullet for him and Steve not having an answer. Johnny had tried to be that person, but he was too late.

"I was too late..." he muttered.

Then he felt a hand on his arm. "No you weren't, son," Joe said. Then Johnny heard Joe's whisper to Danny, "He killed Wo Fat."

**H-5-O**

Johnny blinked several times at the bright fluorescent light. He hadn't seen that much light in a while. Two days, maybe. He tried not to think of where he was. He tried to believe it had all been a dream. That none of the events of the last two days had happened at all.

"Welcome back, JJ," Joe said, breaking through the clever ruse Johnny had created for himself.

He found that he was perfectly able to respond. "Hey, Uncle Joe," he said, trying to smile, but not succeeding.

"You... were very lucky," Joe said. "An inch in any other direction, and that bullet probably would have killed you."

"I got shot," Johnny said, not as a question, but as if he were trying to piece together what happened. "Where's Steve?" he asked, anxiety coating his words.

Joe hesitated.

"He's not dead," Johnny insisted. "Joe, he's not—"

"No," Joe interrupted. "He's not. He's... in surgery."

"But?"

"But the doctors are not exactly hopeful."

Johnny shook his head. "What—what does that mean?"

Joe sighed. "It means they don't know if he'll ever wake up," he said.

Johnny fell silent. Steve might never wake up. How was that even possible? He was unconscious so rarely anyway; this couldn't be any different.

"When can I leave?" Johnny finally asked.

"Soon." Joe nodded. "The doctor says you can probably walk out of here by morning. You were really very lucky."

"If you say so. I never really considered being shot luck."

"As if you had a lot of experience."

"Guess Steve didn't tell you about Portland in a couple years ago."

"No. What happened?"

Johnny shrugged and didn't reply. Joe left it alone for the moment. He wasn't about to question Johnny after all that he'd been through. So, he got up and squeezed Johnny's arm before heading for the door.

"Your girlfriend wants to see you," he said.

**H-5-O**

Catherine hadn't sat down since they got to the hospital. The doctors and nurses had learned not to get in her way after she stared down one in particular who said that Steve probably wouldn't make it. She was not interested in that opinion.

Mary Ann had come as soon as she got the call that they'd found Steve and Johnny. Jack had spent the entire time sitting in a waiting room chair, looking very confused, but not saying a word.

Danny, on the other hand, had divided his time between checking on Johnny and waiting for news on Steve. He had several reasons for this, but one was that when he saw Steve bleeding out all over the floor, he knew exactly what he would have said if he could have said anything: _take care of my family_.

Danny intended to do just that until Steve was able to do it himself. He didn't let himself think that he would do it even if Steve never did come back to them. That was a given, without a thought.

When Joe came to the waiting room and said that Johnny was awake, there was a collective sigh of relief. Catherine still didn't sit down, and Danny maintained his post by the door.

"Anna's with him," Joe said. "Anything new here?"

Mary Ann looked at him and shook her head.

Joe settled into a chair next to Jack, who had been disturbingly still for a two-year-old. He must have known something was very wrong. Joe leaned toward his chair.

"Do you remember me, Jack?" he asked.

The boy shook his head, keeping his mouth tightly shut.

"Well, that was a long time ago," Joe said. "I'm your Uncle Joe."

"You're not Daddy's brother," Jack said.

"No." Joe shook his head. "But your daddy and his brother and sister always called me Uncle Joe."

"Is Daddy gonna die?" Jack blurted, as if he could not longer contain the question.

Joe put his arm around Jack's shoulders, knowing he couldn't make this too complicated. He could lie and say that Steve would be fine, but he had seen what damage lying to children had in the past.

"I don't know, Jack," he said. "But your daddy is strong. Stronger than anyone. He won't give up that easy."

Jack looked up into Joe's eyes as if trying to decide whether to believe him. Then he looked down at his hands.

"Uncle Joe," he said.

"Yeah?"

"I'm scared... and hungry."

**H-5-O**

Steve didn't know where he was. He couldn't tell whether he was awake or not. He couldn't feel anything, but his mind told him he was in pain. He tried to move with no success. He tried to open his eyes, but he wasn't sure if they were already open or not.

He felt the typical sensation of being underwater, but that might have been that he was drowning in his own blood. He knew how plausible that would be. He'd been shot so many times; one could have hit a lung.

He didn't really feel like he was breathing, but he didn't feel suffocated either. Maybe he was dead already, and this was what it looked like. Felt like, rather. Steve wondered if he would see his parents there. Or if that would just be a projection of his own mind.

_You can't stay here_, a voice said.

It wasn't a voice Steve could place. He couldn't even tell if it were male or female. It echoed through his head, and sometimes he thought it sounded like Danny, other times like himself. Once it sounded like his mother. If he remembered her voice correctly, which he wasn't sure of.

_You can't stay here!_ The voice shouted this time, and it really did sound like his mother.

_Mom? _Steve thought. He couldn't speak.

_Wake up, Steve. Wake up._

_Mom, is that you?_

_Wake up, Steve! _The voice was a shout now. There were tears in it. And it didn't sound like his mom anymore.

_Mom, are you there?_ Steve called in a last effort to figure out what the hell was going on.

_Wake up. Just please wake up._

_Johnny?_

Steve tried to respond to the voice, but it drifted farther and farther away until he couldn't hear it anymore. He couldn't hear anything. He couldn't feel anything. He was underwater again, trapped in the nothingness.

He hoped it was all a dream.


	38. Please Open Your Eyes

**Chapter Thirty-Eight "Please Open Your Eyes"**

Johnny was the one shouting at Steve to wake up. He spent every spare moment he could by his brother's side in the hospital. It had been a few days since they'd arrived. Johnny had been released, and actually felt okay, considering he'd been shot, but Steve had yet to come out of his own prison.

The doctors had been forced to stop operating when it became clear that Steve had lost far too much blood. He still had most of the bullets in his body, and they would stay there until he was strong enough to have them removed.

Johnny had claimed the squarish metal chair at Steve's bedside and refused to move for more than a trip to the bathroom or an hour at home to shower and change. He slept there, as much as he did sleep. If Steve opened his eyes for one second, he would be there. He had something to say that couldn't wait. It had waited too long as it was.

Mary Ann was there sometimes. She didn't talk much, and Johnny didn't ask her to. But she sat on the floor by his feet and cried a lot.

Catherine wasn't there as much as Johnny thought she would be. She still often paced the halls, but she seemed uncomfortable in the room. Johnny was too preoccupied to wonder why. If he had, he might have considered that he was making a nuisance of himself.

He didn't stop. He didn't rest. He had to be there if Steve opened his eyes. Steve had to open his eyes.

Joe had taken Jack back to Steve's house. He brought him over once a day to check in, but as one of the few rational people around, Joe knew that hanging around a hospital was not healthy for a child. It wasn't exactly healthy for any of them, but they didn't care as much.

Danny never stopped moving. He drove back and forth between the hospital, work, and home. Johnny saw him frequently for brief intervals. But he got a lot of yelling done in those intervals.

Grace and Rachel came a couple of times. Grace cried, and Rachel whispered to Steve, so low no one could hear. They didn't stay long, but longer than Danny had.

"We're all a mess," Johnny said one afternoon. Mary was slumped against the wall, asleep. No one else was in the room. "You need to wake up," he went on. "You're the one who holds us all together. That's really sad; I know, but it's the truth."

Johnny stopped. He had been pacing along the length of Steve's bed as he talked. It did no good. His brother's face was still a pale, still reflection of what it should have been.

"Wake up Steve," Johnny said, reaching for his hand. There was no reaction. "Just please wake up."

**H-5-O**

Danny spent his days in a mixture of guilt and frustration. He didn't stay with Steve. He'd have liked to, but he couldn't do anything there, and Johnny was more than enough of a crazy bedside vigil for any hospital.

The case was over. Wo Fat was dead, and all his minions were either dead as well or in custody. The paperwork was extensive. Technically, Governor Denning had mandated an indefinite suspension of Five-0 activities until Steve was out of the hospital. Danny didn't really listen to it, and that's why he was sitting in his office while his best friend might very well have been dying.

That was when the governor chose to show up. It made sense that he knew Danny wouldn't be following his orders.

"I suppose it makes sense that you take after your boss," he said, taking a seat across Danny's desk.

"You're my boss," Danny said, not looking up from his paperwork.

"I hope not," Denning said. "I'm Steve's boss, and I don't want that to change."

"Yeah."

"Detective, what are you doing here?"

"Paperwork. That's what I get for going into public service."

"It can wait."

"Not really. I don't want Steve to have all this to do when he gets back. I'm better at it anyway."

Danning nodded then, seeming to understand something about Danny. "You should be with him," he said.

Then Danny did look up. "Life goes on," he said. Throughout the whole conversation, Danny's voice had been lifeless, not his usual dynamic speech patterns.

Denning shook his head. "Are you really gonna sit there and tell me you don't want to be with your partner right now? On a normal day the two of you are inseparable."

"This isn't a normal day!" Danny said, standing up and pacing toward the window. He rubbed his hand over his face and left it clamped over his mouth with his elbow resting in his other hand.

Denning remained seated, watching Danny carefully, weighing his next words. "No it's not," he said. "Your family's taken a huge hit with this, and they need you."

Danny shook his head, staring blankly out the window. "Steve has his family," he said.

"You think just because his brother and sister are here that he doesn't still need you?"

Yes, Danny thought just that. It had been coming on so slowly that he didn't know when the coherent thought really materialized. But Steve didn't need Danny to be his brother anymore. They called each other family and had for three years now, but it wasn't the same. It started with Danny getting his own family back and had been escalating since then until Johnny showed up.

Danny wasn't sure where that left them now. He didn't like to think that maybe it left them nowhere since Steve may not actually recover from this. No, he had to. Too many people relied on him; he had a son.

Danny tired to think of what Steve would want him to do if he could tell him. He'd probably want Danny to comfort his family.

"Detective Williams?" Denning said.

"Yeah?" Danny replied, turning around to face the governor.

"I want you to go to the hospital and talk to John McGarrett. That's an order."

Denning didn't specify that Danny should talk to Johnny about the case, about his actions to save Steve. He just said to talk to him.

**H-5-O**

Catherine spent most of her time harassing doctors and nurses and wearing a path between the waiting room outside Steve's room and the cafeteria, bringing food to Johnny and Mary and whoever else was there.

She saw Jack when Joe brought him by, and she went home for an hour or two at a time before the feel of the place began to suffocate her. She was tired, but she couldn't sleep. She wanted to curl up next to Steve and never wake up, but that was not an option.

She would have spent more time with him than she did if Johnny and Mary hadn't been there most of the time. She liked them, but something in her needed to be alone with Steve. It was starting to drive her crazy.

Up until now, she hadn't put a voice to it, but then Danny showed up. He just stood there for a second in the waiting room, staring at the door to Steve's room. His hands were hanging in the air, as if he were about to start speaking.

Catherine stopped pacing the floor and waited for him to say something. He looked lost.

"They still in there?" Danny finally asked.

Catherine nodded.

"Come on," he said, holding out his hand as if to drag her into the room with him, which is kind of what he did.

When they got into the room, Johnny was standing by Steve's bed and Mary was sitting on the floor cross-legged.

"I need to talk to you," Danny said to Johnny as he let go of Catherine's hand. "And they want to be alone."

He said they. As if Steve had an opinion at this point. But Johnny and Mary got the hint, and followed Danny out of the room. The latter stood in the door for a moment.

"I'll give you all the time I can," he said.

Catherine nodded as the door closed. Then she turned back to Steve. She hadn't really been alone with him since the whole thing started, and she realized what a toll that was taking on her.

At the sight of all the machinery attached to Steve's body, the tube breathing for him, something snapped inside Catherine. Before she really knew what was happening, she had fallen to her knees beside the bed and grasped Steve's hand between hers as tightly as she dared. Tears made their way down her face, and repressed sobs shook her whole body.

"Come back to me, please," she whispered. "Please, just open your eyes."

**H-5-O**

Johnny smoked his last cigarette as he and Danny walked up and down the sidewalk outside the hospital.

"What did you want to talk about?" he asked, a far off look in his eyes.

"I don't know," Danny replied. "I was ordered to leave the office and talk to you."

Johnny laughed humorlessly. "Okay. I'm sure there's plenty to talk about."

"Yeah, I just thought..."

"That I'd be talking to Steve, not you."

Danny nodded stiffly. They stopped beside a metal railing along a handicap entrance. Johnny leaned against the top rail and stared across the street at cars and buildings and nothing.

"Well, he's not here now," he said.

Danny rested his forearms on the rail, facing the opposite direction from Johnny. "Never thought I'd have a problem with that."

"What do you mean?"

"Talking to someone without him. About..." Danny moved his hands vaguely. "I don't know—what you had to do back there. With Wo Fat."

"Yeah." Johnny squinted in the pale sunlight and flicked his spent cigarette to the ground. "I thought... well, if I ever thought about such things, I thought I'd be talking to Steve."

Danny chewed on the inside of his mouth. He didn't know where to start. For some reason, kidnappings and shootings seemed like Steve's personal provenance. Danny had been through his own trauma, but Steve _understood_ trauma.

"It doesn't go away," Johnny finally said. "I'm sure you know that, but it's different. I never would have done it if... if I didn't think Steve would die if I didn't. It had to be that. I don't think I'd even shoot someone to save my own life. It's just... I don't know. I wasn't even thinking; I just acted, and I've never done that before. And if Steve—if he doesn't make it... Well he has to because that's why I did it."

Danny nodded, not looking at Johnny. He couldn't. He'd seen death on a near daily basis for years, but this was too close. This was like someone cut off his arms and legs and told him to walk it off. This was like trying to comfort someone when he'd just lost the one person in the world he could really trust.

Danny had to remind himself that Steve wasn't dead yet. He had to keep thinking that Steve would be okay, that he would open his eyes, crack a stupid joke, and everything would be fine.

Until then, he had to do something for Johnny. For Steve, really. "Are you hungry?" Danny asked. "I have a lot of lasagna."

Johnny looked at him as if he might refuse. But he didn't. "Yeah," he said. "Sounds good."

**H-5-O**

Steve wanted so bad to not be alone anymore. This netherworld of near death was beginning to drive him insane. He still heard the voices calling him to wake up. He knew he was unconscious. Or something like it.

They still sounded like his mom a lot of the time. Once he thought he heard Mary Ann. Usually it was Johnny or Danny. Danny was louder.

But now it was Catherine, and she was pleading. She was begging him to wake up, but his body wouldn't cooperate. He couldn't force his eyes open. He couldn't really feel his eyes.

_Please open your eyes_. She sounded like she was crying. _Please don't leave me._

_I'm trying!_ Steve wanted to shout. _I don't want to leave you._

But he couldn't find his mouth either. He couldn't find his hands or feet. He couldn't find his head. He tried to think of how he got in this position. He'd been shot several times. He remembered the feeling of his blood spilling out on the concrete floor. He remembered thinking, _this is what it feels like to die_.

But he wasn't dead. He was hanging on in some hospital with his family begging him to live. He wished he could tell them he would. He wished he could know that he would. But he hardly knew the difference between life and death now. He remembered a bullet hitting his left lung. He probably couldn't even breathe on his own.

But he tried. He really did try to wake up. As he drifted in and out of this awareness, he played the voices over and over again in his mind. He tried to see their faces.

And once, he was successful. Catherine's face appeared before him, eyes red, and mouth half open in a gasping breath after a sob.

He tried to speak to her, but all he could do was make a muffled moaning noise. Somewhere his brain registered that his throat hurt. He could feel his hand in a tight grip. He couldn't move it except to press his fingers into whatever was holding him.

Catherine's voice cut through the haze, and her face appeared clearer now. "Steve!"


	39. Be Okay

**Sorry this is two days late. School accosted me, and such. I will try very hard to get the next one done by Monday. On another note, my beta is the best.  
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**Chapter Thirty-Nine "Be Okay"**

Catherine realized she must have pushed the call button at some point between the time Steve's fingers moved and his eyes opened. He couldn't talk because of the tube down his throat, but she could tell he wanted to. His eye moved from her to the doctors and around the room. He was looking for something. Or someone.

"Johnny's okay," Catherine said, unsure if Steve was listening to her, but his eyes moved back to her when she spoke. He looked relieved.

"I don't know what happened here," the doctor said, interrupting the moment. "He showed no signs of waking the last 12 hours, and now this."

The nurse gave Catherine a knowing smile, but she didn't say anything. Perhaps she believed that his family talking to him had helped Steve wake up, even though there was no medical evidence of that.

The doctor was checking Steve's wounds by then. Catherine waited, still holding Steve's hand and relishing the feeling of him holding hers back. She knew he would want to know what had happened, how long he'd been sleeping, how bad it was. But she couldn't think of where to begin.

She put her free hand on his shoulder and leaned over to press her forehead against his. Steve didn't move, but his grip on Catherine's hand remained the same.

"You'll be okay," She whispered, not loudly enough for the doctor to hear and contradict. That wasn't what they needed. She felt Steve's eyelashes flutter as he blinked against the light he hadn't seen in days. Almost a week now.

"I'm going to schedule the next operation," the doctor said, interrupting again. "He's looking really good, and I don't know if we'll have another chance like this."

He woke up, and they wanted to put him under again. Catherine knew they had to do it as soon as possible. They had to keep those bullets from pushing further into his body, destroying more than they already had. It was the only way he'd ever get better again.

"When," Catherine asked, before she realized she was speaking.

"Hopefully before the day is out."

She nodded against Steve's head and reflexively text messaged everyone through her jacket pocket. Mary was there first because she was the closest. Steve seemed surprised to see her there. He didn't let got of Catherine's hand, but he moved his head to look at his sister, as if asking her something or telling her he was fine. His eyes said all that he couldn't. Catherine realized that they always had.

"Of course you'd wake up when I'm not here," Mary said. "All those hours on the floor for nothing."

She was joking. She would have sat on the floor and waited anyway, even if she knew he would never wake up because you just didn't give up on Steve because he never gave up on anyone else. It wasn't done.

**H-5-O**

Steve felt almost nothing. His body was an eerie sort of numb, except for the dull near-pain letting him know that he was hurt very badly. He didn't doubt that. The doctor said something about bullets still in his body. The thought made him uncomfortable.

Not being able to say anything was starting to drive him nuts. He could feel the tube in his throat and the machine helping him breathe. He knew better than to try to get around that. He'd only start choking which was a very bad idea with seven or eight bullet wounds. He couldn't remember the exact number.

Mary talked a lot more than Catherine did. That was normal, which was encouraging. He remembered the last time he saw his sister and realized how much he'd missed her now that she was standing in front of him. He wished he could tell her.

Danny and Johnny were there soon, and for some reason, Catherine and Mary left when they arrived. Maybe they didn't allow more than two people in the room. Steve really wouldn't have minded having everyone there all at once so he could see that they were all okay. He couldn't exactly ask.

Johnny didn't say anything, but went to stand on Steve's other side across from Danny. The bad side. Steve had rather they were next to each other so he could look at both of them at the same time.

Danny took his hand as if to shake it. "Looking good," he said, trying to smile, but Steve saw right through it. Danny was worried. He was beyond worried; he was haggard. He looked like he hadn't eaten or slept in a while.

Steve couldn't really give him any reassurance. He tried to smile, at least with his eyes. His mouth hurt. He was very thirsty. Steve tried to focus again. He couldn't be thinking about how bad he was feeling because everyone needed him to be strong. They needed to know he would be okay. He had to be okay.

Danny let go of Steve's hand and ran his through his already tousled hair. He also looked like he hadn't showered in a week, and his rumpled dress shirt might make for a good garage rag. Steve imagined Danny in the garage. The scene only made sense when Danny had a gun in his hands.

"Listen, I need to go home, let everyone know what's going on," Danny said.

Steve blinked once like a nod. He didn't want Danny to leave, but he saw that he needed to. For whatever reason. Steve knew there was more to it than just what he said. And it wasn't as if he could keep Danny there if he didn't want to be, though the sudden distance concerned him. He couldn't remember the last time the two of them had just spent an evening doing something that didn't involve criminals, Johnny, or paperwork.

Johnny himself was still quiet as Danny left. Steve would normally dislike noise, but the silence was scaring him. In his dreams, or half awake memories, Johnny was always shouting at him, but now he sat there with his chin resting in his hands, not really looking at anything.

"I'm fine," he said suddenly.

Steve gave him a curious look.

"I know you're dying to ask," Johnny said. "And I'm fine. It was basically a flesh wound. I was out in a day."

Steve hadn't realized Johnny had been shot. He didn't know what happened because the room was too dark, but there were several gunshots that didn't hit him. He tried to ask, forgetting he couldn't talk.

Johnny finally looked at him in response to the choked sound. "He's dead," he said. "Don't worry about it."

But he did worry. The way Johnny said it so matter-of-factly sounded wrong. Johnny didn't talk like that. Death scared him. It made him uncomfortable. But now, he just sounded hollow.

Steve could only stare at him, wishing he could demand answers. He knew everything he would say if he could, and he'd never wanted to speak so badly.

"It's okay," Johnny said softly. "We can talk when you're out of here."

When. Not if. Steve knew everyone was trying to keep him from knowing how bad it was, but their attitudes made it clear. They hadn't known he was going to wake up, and they didn't know if he would make it out of surgery alive. Steve realized there was something he needed before he went under again. He held his hand over the bed as low as it would go. Johnny looked confused. Steve moved his hand back to his chest and then over the floor again. He tried to say what he needed.

Recognition showed in Johnny's eyes. "Jack is on his way with Joe," he said. "They've been at your house since he and Catherine got back."

Steve laid his hand by his side again, satisfied. He had to see Jack before he let them knock him out. He didn't know what his chances were, but he wasn't going to risk it.

**H-5-O**

Joe brought Jack and Catherine into the room. Johnny nodded to them and reluctantly headed for the door. Joe was going to leave the family alone, but Steve held up his hand to stop him. He put his hand over the mask feeding air into his lungs. If anyone could convince the doctor to take it off for a moment, it would be Joe. But he shook his head. He wasn't going to risk Steve getting hurt so he could talk for a few minutes. Steve seemed to understand.

Joe carried Jack to the bed and set him next to Steve by his good side. Jack looked confused at the very least. Seeing Steve looking so weak with a strange machine attached to his face must have been frightening. Hell, it frightened Joe, and he was nearing 60. As a two-year-old, Jack must have been terrified.

Steve started moving his hands, and Catherine gave Joe a confused look. "What's he doing?" she asked.

"Korean sign language," Joe said. "He wants to know how you're doing, Jack."

Jack looked from Joe to Steve, still clearly confused. "I'm fine," he said. "I want you to come home."

Steve moved his hands again, and Joe translated. "'I want to come home too,' he says. 'I missed you.'"

"Why can't they take that thing off?" Jack asked. "Why can't he talk?"

"Jack, your dad got hurt," Joe said. "The machine helps him get better. It breathes for him."

"When will they take it off?"

"When he's better."

"When will that be?"

Steve moved his hands quickly, halting Joe's answer for the moment. He took more time, saying more than he did before. "He says he's going to have another operation to fix the problems that make him have to wear the mask," Joe said. "He says he's going to stay strong and get better soon. He says... 'I love you, Jack. Don't ever forget it.'"

Jack started crying silently. Joe thought the kid was too quiet sometimes. He lay down next to Steve with his little arms wrapped around Steve's.

"I love you, Daddy," he whispered. "Please don't die."

**H-5-O**

Chin and Kono rode together in silence. They'd spent the last few days alone at their respective homes. Chin had Malia of course, but she was removed from everything somewhat. Kono preferred being completely alone. She knew she might have benefited someone else, like say Danny, if she had been more willing to be there for him, but she couldn't walk into that office, or the hospital without thinking that maybe Steve wouldn't be back. She needed to imagine she was just on vacation. That this would all be over soon, back to normal.

Chin hadn't said anything since Kono picked him up. They both got the same message. They knew Steve had woken up and was going in for another surgery soon. They knew he wasn't guaranteed anything yet. The doctors were still cautious.

The idea that Steve wouldn't come back to them was unacceptable to Kono. She knew he had so many other people counting on him, that she was closer to the bottom than the top of that list, but she still needed him the same as they all did. He just affected too many people. He couldn't die.

Still there was no promise. Life was cruel, and Steve was not invincible as so many believed. He was in some ways more vulnerable than your average guy. He put himself on the line so much more. Even if he did survive this, what if he died a year later? There was never any assurance that they would see the next day. That was why they needed to see him now. If it were their only chance, they had to take advantage of it. And if they could be an encouragement to him going into yet another test of his fading strength, they would.

**H-5-O**

He'd seen them all. His friends and family were now waiting while he let doctors whose names he didn't know take him apart again. He didn't exactly have a choice. The odds were never in his favor, but Steve wasn't a gambler, so he didn't pay much attention to odds.

Danny hadn't returned by the time they wheeled him into the OR and anesthetized him. He'd wanted to see his friend again. If anyone could make him feel more confident about this, it would have been the loudmouth best friend he never knew he needed. Danny was the one who would take care of things if Steve weren't there anymore, and he needed to hear him say it.

But Danny didn't show. Steve didn't express his disappointment. He had to present a strong front for his family to remember in the agonizing hours ahead. He didn't like believing that he had to be the strong one all the time, but who else would be? Who would assure Jack that he would be okay? Who would tell Catherine that she could raise a son on her own if he weren't? Who would convince Johnny that it wasn't his fault? Who would keep Mary from going back to her old, destructive life?

Steve knew he couldn't do all this unconscious from the OR. So as he faded back into the blackness, he let go a stray thought:

_God, let them be okay if I don't make it._


	40. Stay Strong

**I am so sorry for the lack of chapters last week. As some of you probably already know, school hates me. But finals are soon, so things should calm down. Never been so excited for summer in my life!**

**Oh, and thanks to my great beta reader, Riter's Fury. Sometime this summer, you may see a collaborative work between the two of us. It will be epic. I think...  
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**Chapter Forty "Stay Strong"**

Anna was still in her lab coat and work clothes when she got to the waiting room. She had been working when Catherine texted her, so she didn't get it until she finished her shift. By the time she arrived, Steve was already in surgery again. Having spent most of her life in hospitals, she knew it didn't get any easier. The more time that went by, the more tensions rose. It was always that way.

Anna hadn't had much time with Johnny since he was released. He'd been sitting with Steve, and she had been working. She was trying to adjust to her transfer to the ER. She had requested it, but the timing was admittedly flawed.

A few days before, she had just gotten off her shift when Danny came and told her they had found Steve and Johnny. He was still wearing his flak vest and had blood on his hands.

Later she would learn that it was Johnny's blood. That Danny had saved his life while Steve was probably dying. Anna wasn't sure why, but the thought of losing Steve McGarrett at this point was unbearable. It wasn't just that he was Johnny's brother. In fact, Anna had known Steve first. Something told her that without Steve none of them would have ever met.

The days had passed slowly, even though she was working. When she got off each night, Anna would check in on Steve, more to see how Johnny was doing, maybe convince him to come home with her for an hour or two to eat and shower. He met her parents at some point in there, but the event didn't seem all that important. Johnny was fixated on his brother, and Anna didn't see that changing any time soon.

When she arrived at the waiting room, everyone was there, even Jack. It looked like they all planned on waiting out the surgery to see how Steve would do. Anna knew these kind of surgeries took a long time, and often had their ups and downs in terms of success. They might stop the bleeding from one hole, only to have it start again in another.

Anna put those thoughts out of her mind. Johnny needed her to be strong for him right now, though strong was the last thing she was feeling.

She sat next to him anyway and put her hand on his shoulder. With a gentle squeeze and a smile, she caught his eyes. His eyes always confused her. He looked so much like his brother, but those eyes. The deep brown might seem normal at first glance, but as she stared into them, she saw they were streaked with varying shades of chocolate and sand. The black flecks made them appear darker than they were. Anna thought absently that his mother must have been beautiful.

Today, his eyes had a wilted quality. They looked down. They darted here and there. They blinked a lot to keep back the tears. Anna needed to let Johnny know that he didn't have to hide that from her. He had been the strong one that day on the beach after Alana passed, but he didn't have to be anymore.

She moved her arm around his shoulders and leaned her head against his. He smelled faintly of smoke, but she wasn't going to say anything now. She laid her other arm across his chest and rubbed circles on his shoulder with her fingertips.

Johnny hadn't spoken or moved since Anna came. His wiry beard rubbed her cheek. He kept saying he meant to trim it, but he hadn't gotten around to it, and since being rescued, he probably hadn't thought of it again. Anna reached up and ran her hand along his face, threading her fingers through the hair that was almost long enough to tangle.

Johnny leaned into her. He still didn't say anything, but he put his arms around her waist and buried his face in her hair, which probably smelled of sweat and blood.

He cried silently, and all Anna could do was hold on and hope he would do the same.

**H-5-O**

Catherine was biting her nails, which she never did. She didn't like the feel of keratin on teeth. She couldn't help it.

Joe sat next to her with Jack in his lap. The two of them got along a little too well in Catherine's opinion. Jack was "drawing" with crayons in a wide ruled notebook Joe had found somewhere.

Catherine turned her head sharply to look at Joe. "Korean sign language?" she asked. She'd been wondering about that for a while.

"Classified," Joe said.

"Okay, but what's wrong with American sign language?"

"He doesn't know that."

Catherine faced forward again. "Must have been _some_ mission."

"Yep."

"You're not going to tell me anything, are you?"

"I may not be a member of the United States Navy anymore, but I am still obligated to maintain the secrecy of classified missions."

"Thought so. You know he won't even tell me about North Korea that time you guys went after him."

"Understandable."

"It was really bad, wasn't it?"

"Catherine, I'm not going to tell you something he can't."

"Can't." Catherine turned the word over in her mind. Maybe Steve really felt like he couldn't talk about those things. She hoped she got the chance to show him that he could. That she wanted to be strong for him sometimes.

**H-5-O**

Danny didn't stay in the waiting room, but he didn't leave the hospital either. He walked the hallways, often being asked if he was lost. He walked past the nursery, thinking of Grace and Henry and Jack. They were the most important people to himself and Steve. They were the ones who had no idea what was going on, the ones who suffered a different kind of fear than the adults. They didn't know what could happen, while those over a certain age knew all too well.

Danny passed hallways and corridors of the living and dying. He thought about the fact that everyone dies eventually. He wondered if Steve were prepared for that. If he was ready to die. Danny wasn't ready. To die or to lose Steve. They had too much to do, too many people counting on them. And Danny was afraid that if they did lose Steve, he would be just as lost, just a shadowy reflection of everything he used to be.

In the last two years, he'd gotten his entire life back and then some. But somehow, Steve upset all of that, not on purpose, not because his life was so messed up, but because Danny let Steve under his skin. Because the two of them were inextricably linked now.

Rachel found Danny late that evening. She looked like she had been searching for a while.

"Everyone is wondering where you are," she said softly, walking along beside him.

"I'm wondering where I am," Danny replied, taking his wife's hand.

She put her other hand on his arm as they walked. "You're bigger than all this, Danny."

He laughed. He hadn't done that in a while. "I don't know where we'll all be if..."

"All these ifs. No one knows what will happen, and we can't let fear dictate our actions."

"Always with the pep talks. You know, a person could start to think positively with you around."

Rachel smiled, her brown eyes crinkling ever-so-slightly. "You realize that I am fully aware of my powers in that regard."

"I do."

"Then what are we still doing wandering the halls when our family needs you?"

**H-5-O**

The silence cocooned him. It was warm and dark. This was not quite as disorienting as the void he'd been in before. He could remember where he was sort of. He could think a little more clearly. He could remember that things hadn't gone the way he wanted.

Things hadn't gone the way he wanted for a long time. Steve couldn't really remember a time they had. He didn't expect his life to just work out fine on it's own. But it would have been nice if he could have avoided a few of the losses and near death experiences along the way. This one especially.

And there was a constant nagging. The lack of a certain presence that had him on edge about everything. Where was Danny? Why hadn't he come back? Steve didn't have the presence of mind to figure it out at the time.

Time crept by and memories of the last few days filtered through his mind. He wondered what would have happened if he'd made different choices. Wo Fat was dead, but Steve couldn't help thinking it could have happened without so much inconvenience. He wondered why he was thinking like that.

It was sudden, and sort of shocking to him when Steve opened his eyes. It was mostly dark in the room except for one fluorescent light overhead. But it was probably the most surprising that he could breathe on his own again. His mouth was so dry that it hurt and his lips were cracked to the point of bleeding. It also hurt to breathe, but it felt better than letting a machine do it.

"You're awake." Johnny's voice cut through the silence. He didn't sound as happy as Steve thought he should.

"Yeah," Steve said, and immediately decided he would be whispering from now on due to a very sore throat.

"You're, uh, not exactly in the best shape, so..."

"Been worse."

"Oh, I highly doubt that."

Steve quirked his eyebrows, but didn't elaborate.

"Listen, there's been something I've needed to say, and I haven't been able to."

Steve half nodded.

"I... I never said I was sorry for all the horrible things I said, and I never told you how... I don't know. Everything is different now. I never thought I would... need you?"

Johnny's head tilted to the side. He didn't understand the words coming out of his own mouth. His hand rested on the edge of the bed, and Steve put his over it. His hand completely covered Johnny's.

"It's okay," he whispered. "I love you, Jackie."

Johnny wiped at his eyes with his free hand, nodding as he did so. "I love you too, Steve."


	41. Some Things Never Change

**Sorry this is late, but at least it's only a day this time.  
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**Chapter Forty-One "Some Things Never Change"  
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Steve was keeping mental lists of everything that had happened in the last few days. Aside from the fact that he was still in the hospital and Danny hadn't spoken more than a few words to him, his life seemed to be straightening out. But those two things sort of overshadowed everything else. Being in the hospital was something no one could help. He knew he would be there for quite a while, and he wouldn't be going back to his regularly scheduled chaos for even longer.

Maybe that was why Danny's absence bothered him so much. They had lost the one thing that brought them together, at least for the moment. Now Steve was surrounded by family who hadn't spoken to him in years, and all set to live happily ever after when he eventually got home.

Maybe Danny thought he wasn't needed anymore. Steve actually laughed at the thought.

"What's so funny?" Mary Ann asked, turning from the window where she had been standing to look at Steve.

"Nothing," he said. "I was just thinking."

Mary pulled up a chair, and sat down like a kid waiting to hear a story. "Thinking something funny," she said.

"Not ha-ha funny."

"But you laughed."

"An involuntary reaction to an absurd idea."

"What absurd idea?"

"I don't know." Steve stared at the wall past Mary. "I was just thinking that maybe the reason Danny has been avoiding me is that he thinks I don't need him anymore."

"Oh. You're right; that's not funny."

"No." Between his fingers, Steve twisted the edge of the blanket covering him. "And he never stays long enough for me to set him straight."

"Maybe because he's afraid you will."

Steve shook his head. "He's never made much sense."

"More sense than your brother."

"My brother?"

"Well, you seem to get him, while I'm here wondering what planet he descended from."

Steve smiled softly. "He takes a bit of getting used to."

"Guess I should thank you for breaking him in."

"I think it has been established that I am the more patient of the three of us."

"No one ever doubted that. You know, you, I don't know, fixed everything."

Steve laughed. "I'd hardly say things are fixed."

"Let's take inventory, shall we?"

"I already have. You and Johnny are back, Wo Fat is dead, I'm getting married... did I leave anything out?"

Mary shook her head. "No, I think that about covers it... So, you want me to drag Danny in here, or what?"

Steve was silent for a moment. "Yeah," he said. "That would be nice."

**H-5-O**

After they had been assured that Steve was out of danger, Five-0 had returned to work, though significantly lighter work than before. Denning made sure of that. Danny almost resented it. No, he did resent it. He didn't like to think that he was any less capable now than before.

It wasn't even that Danny liked being in charge. He decidedly did not. But he wanted to know that he could do it. That things wouldn't fall apart without Steve. But that was exactly what had happened. It frustrated Danny to no end. He had been aware of how much they depended on Steve before, but now it seemed somehow wrong. He shouldn't have to be the only one who could hold them together. Maybe that was why Danny was distancing himself. He needed to know that he could be okay without Steve.

So far, he'd been met with no success whatsoever.

Danny was beginning to realize that he simply didn't function normally without Steve in his life. Not anymore. That scared him. Not only because of how close he had come to actually losing Steve, but because of the fact that Steve was moving on with his life now. His brother and sister were back, he was getting married, and Danny didn't really see himself fitting into that.

It shouldn't have bothered him. Steve was happy. It wasn't like he was just going to disappear off the face of the earth either. Danny knew he was being irrational, but it was one of those times he couldn't stop. They were becoming more frequent now.

Danny shouldn't have been surprised when Mary Ann came into his office that day, a week after Steve had come out of surgery. Things had calmed down since then. Someone was always at the hospital, but they didn't feel like they had to be there every minute. Steve was still a long way from going home, but he was doing very well.

Mary didn't wait for Danny to ask her why she was there. "So, my brother's kinda pissed at you for not talking to him all week," she said.

"What?" Danny said, looking up from the files he was going over.

"You heard me." Mary put her hands on her hips. "Now, am I gonna have to drag your ass outta here, or are you coming willingly."

Danny stood up. "Is he okay?"

"Yeah, he's got seven or eight bullet wounds and his best friend has been ignoring him. Let's go." Mary made a shoving motion with her hands in the direction of the door.

"Mary—"

"Did I say you got to argue with me? No. You don't. That might work on everyone else, but I'm not falling for any of your BS." At this point, Mary walked around the desk and grabbed Danny's arm. "Come on, Jersey."

**H-5-O**

Steve didn't expect to be seeing Danny so soon. He thought he would make excuses about all the work he had to do, or promise to stop by later. Apparently, Mary hadn't allowed for any of that because Danny came through the door of Steve's hospital room about half an hour after she left.

Danny looked tired, but otherwise just like his normal self. He didn't sit down. He kept his distance.

"So did Mary have to drag you in here by your ears or what?" Steve asked.

"My arm, actually," Danny said. He tried to sound funny, but Steve could tell he wasn't joking.

"Seems excessive, don't you think?"

"Well, yeah, but she's your sister, so what else should I expect?"

"I meant that she had to in the first place."

"Oh, well... I've been... busy." Danny looked anywhere but Steve.

"You are a horrible liar."

Danny didn't respond to that, and Steve didn't expect him to. He wanted Danny to know that he wasn't blind as to what was going on between them. He knew there was a problem.

"So, you're going to sit down and tell me what's been going on in that thick head of yours," Steve said.

"And if I don't?" Danny asked.

"Then I'll get up and make you."

"You can't do that?"

"Wanna bet? I mean, if you want me to tear out all the stitches and maybe bleed to death, that's your problem."

"Shameless manipulation."

"But you know I would."

"Yeah, I know you would, you jerk. What do you want from me." Danny started pacing.

"I want you to tell me why you've been avoiding me. I have my suspicions, but I'd like to hear it from you."

"You're having way too much fun with this."

"No, Danny, I'm really not. See, I can't understand why you wouldn't want to be here. I don't get why you let me go into surgery without seeing me more than a few minutes. I don't know why you weren't there for me when I needed you."

"Weren't there for you? What are you talking about? You had a whole waiting room full of people there for you. What's one more?"

"You're not just one more, Danny." Steve's voice rose, and he wished he could sit up more. He wished he could get up and shake some sense into his friend. "You were the only I could have trusted with what I needed to say, but you weren't there."

"What could you possibly need to say that you couldn't tell Catherine or Johnny or even Joe?"

"I needed to ask you to take care of them for me. If I didn't make it—"

"But you did. You're fine. So can we just forget about this?"

"No, we can't. I can't forget that my partner didn't have my back like I thought he would. How can we ever go back to the way things were if you're not willing to do that?"

"The way things were? Things can never go back to the way they were. You're life is not the same as it was before."

"And that changes us how?"

"You really don't see this do you?" Danny laughed humorlessly. "Everything is different. I guess it started when Johnny came back; I just didn't see it."

"You really think that him being here changes the fact that I still need you?"

"Damn right, I do. He's your brother. I'm not. I realize that we made nice substitutes for each other, but that's over now."

"Sometimes you can be a real idiot, you know that? Are you forgetting that you're the one who's been there for me when no one else was? Remember when Johnny wasn't speaking to me, and you said you'd always be my friend? That nothing would ever change that?"

Danny fell silent. Steve knew he'd hit the nail on the head. He wasn't in a habit of throwing Danny's words back in his face, but he didn't see any other way to get through to him.

"Danny, you said you were the only thing that wasn't wrong in my life, and you were right," Steve said, his voice softer than before. "And without you, none of this would be happening."

"No." Danny finally stood still. "I think you don't realize that everything that's happened in the last few weeks was because of you. You don't realize that everything around here is about you. All of us rely on you too much, and..."

"And what, Danny? You know, I don't do this on purpose. I don't know why people rely on me, but they do."

"So what happens." Danny started pacing again. "When one day you aren't there anymore? What happens to all of us when we've put too much weight on you, and you can't take it anymore?"

"You think it's the end of the world, and then you move on. But what you don't do is start distancing me because we don't work like that."

"But do we even need this anymore? This..."

"Yes. You know why? Because all week, my brother has been sitting right there and telling me all about what he went through, and I listened, and I told him he'd be okay, and you know what, he probably will, but who tells me I'm gonna be okay? It sure as hell isn't Johnny."

"I..." Danny sat down. He put his hands together and rested his elbows on his knees. "I didn't think you needed that."

"Despite your allegations to the contrary, I am actually human, Danny."

He laughed, and there was more feeling in it. "Yeah, you are, I guess. I forget that little brothers aren't much good for encouragement. Not that I am either."

"You do all right."

"Is this the part where I say everything will be fine?"

"If you don't mind."

Danny shook his head and leaned back in the chair. "Everything will be fine, Steve."

"Thanks, Danno."


	42. Forever Starts Now

**Sorry this chapter is later than I thought. Blame my beta, who also made it a lot longer than I thought. (Thanks Riter's Fury!) I apologize ahead of time if my Spanish is atrocious. I hope it's okay. Only one or two more chapters before the end!  
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**Chapter Forty-Two "Forever Starts Now"**

Steve had his bad days. Days when the pain was so bad he almost asked for more medication, and someone would notice and insist on it. They often told him not to be such a tough guy. His primary doctor took to calling him "stubborn bastard." He had been called much worse for much less.

Actually, most of the hospital staff liked him. He did as he was told and didn't complain. Some of the nurses even tried flirting with him until one day when Catherine came into Steve's hospital room wearing a white sundress and carrying Steve's hat.

Everyone else filed in after her, all dressed up in either their uniforms or formal wear. Then there was a man Steve had never seen before and a photographer. Steve was sure his confusion was evident on his face. The strange man wore a black and white collar.

"It's a little early for a funeral, don't you think?" Steve asked as Catherine came up to his left side and took his hand.

"If it were your funeral—" She kissed his forehead. "—I wouldn't be wearing white." Then she put the white hat on Steve's head.

Everyone else had spread across the room. Danny, Chin, and Johnny were standing by Steve's right side. Mary and Kono were beside Catherine. Joe was holding Jack. Rachel, Grace, and Henry, Malia, the Ionas, the Keahlohas and a couple Steve didn't know were all there. Just then, Max and Kamekona came in to join them.

"We wanted to invite everyone you knew," Catherine said. "But the doctor said no more than 25 guests."

"Wha..." Steve didn't finish what he was going to say as he realized what was going on. "Catherine, are you sure about this?"

"Absolutely." She squeezed Steve's hand. "Are you?"

He looked into her brown eyes. There was no question in his mind. "Yeah. I am."

The chaplain came forward, smiling. He didn't get to perform many bedside weddings. He began the usual opening lines and then asked, "Who gives this woman to be married?"

The couple whom Steve did not recognize came forward, and he instantly realized who they were. He saw that Catherine had her father's eyes and her mother's hair. He wished his own parents could see this. He missed the part where George Rollins answered the question, but suddenly, the chaplain was speaking to the two of them again.

Steve hadn't really thought of what his wedding would be like. If he did, he would have imagined a stuffy church with lots of people in uncomfortable clothing. But one thing about this was the same: it was Catherine by his side. Of all the people who had come in and out of his life, Catherine was the one who had stayed the longest, and the only one he really wanted to. He could do without all the others as long as he had her. Maybe that was the point.

Then she was staring at him. He'd missed something, lost in thought. She mouthed the words he was supposed to say. He replied mechanically, not because he was detached, but because he was too focused on her. Her hair was pulled back loosely from her face. He'd never seen it like that. She wore a silver necklace that looked old, maybe her mother's. Steve seemed to remember some rule about brides wearing something borrowed.

He heard Catherine say "I do," but he wasn't sure where they were in the ceremony until someone nudged his right hand. He had to look away from Catherine to see Johnny handing him the ring. He and Danny and Chin were all grinning.

Steve tried to pay attention as the chaplain made him recite the words while putting the ring on Catherine's finger. He felt his eyes stinging at the thought of how much his mother would have loved this. She would have been trying not to cry but failing miserably.

Someone handed Catherine another ring. Steve thought it was Mary Ann, but he wasn't looking. Catherine said the same words he had, and Steve really tried to listen, but before he knew it, she was finished, the matching white gold ring was safely on his finger, and the chaplain was talking again. Then Catherine leaned in and kissed him, and Steve realized that they were married.

**H-5-O**

Steve left the hospital a couple of weeks after the wedding. It was all a long blur after that. He met Catherine's parents, Johnny and Mary Ann told him they were renting an apartment together, Jack decided that he wanted a dog.

Steve had never been happier to go home. Everyone left him alone the first few days. It was just him, Catherine, and Jack. It had never been that way before, and Steve immediately saw what they had been missing the last two years. He never realized how nice it was to fall asleep on the couch with his wife next to him and his son snuggled between them with black and white reruns playing on TV. It had been so long since he had really been a part of a family.

Now he was suddenly the leader of one. He wasn't sure just how terrified that made him, but he wasn't going to shirk back from the challenge. He wasn't going to repeat the crumbling of his own family, no matter what happened. He would keep them together, whatever the cost.

This all lasted a few weeks until Steve's doctor told him he was well enough to go back to light duty. But he didn't. There was something else to do first. Perhaps light duty would have been a better idea, but both Steve and Catherine decided it was long since time for them to get away for a while. They hadn't exactly been able to have a honeymoon while he was in the hospital.

They hadn't left Jack alone before. He was always with one of them. They would be gone a week. At first, Steve wanted to leave him with Danny and Rachel, but Johnny and Mary overruled that decision. They had several points in their favor, but neither of them had taken care of children before.

Unfortunately, Jack thought it was the most wonderful idea ever, and demanded to stay with Uncle Johnny and Aunt Mary. Most of the time, Jack wasn't too difficult, but as insistent as he was about this, Steve and Catherine thought it might come to tears and declarations of eternal hatred toward his parents if they didn't give in.

In the end, Steve made sure that Danny and Rachel were available if his siblings needed any help. He knew Jack to be a good kid, but he had never been tested for a week without his parents, and he was two, after all.

As they sat on the plane, leaving home behind, Steve held Catherine's hand, and they both let out a deep sigh. They were on their way to the Yucatan Peninsula for seven days. Everything would be fine.

**H-5-O**

After his nap in the car on the way home from the airport, Jack woke up in a strange place. It was a lot like where he had lived with his mom, but not quite. His toys weren't there, for one thing. He heard voices in the other room, and then he remembered that Mommy and Daddy were gone for a whole week—one hundred-sixty-eight hours—and he was staying with Uncle Johnny and Aunt Mary.

Jack climbed out of the bed that was too big for him, and hurried toward the sound. The brother and sister were sitting at a small table in the main room, talking about something Jack didn't understand. He heard something about shipping, and he wondered if they would get to go for a boat ride.

"Hey, look who's up," Johnny said, getting up from the table and coming over to lift Jack off the floor. "Did you sleep well?"

Jack nodded and buried his still sleepy head in Johnny's shoulder. He wasn't as strong as Daddy, but he was almost as tall. His beard was scratchy though, and Jack didn't like it.

"I'm hungry," he declared, popping his head up again. "Can we go swimmin'?"

"You have to wait an hour after you eat before you go swimming," Mary said, getting up and moving into the kitchen.

"No, I have to take a nap after lunch."

"You already took a nap," Johnny said.

"Not a real one."

"I thought all kids hated naps."

"Why?"

"I have no idea."

"Can I have chocolate milk?"

**H-5-O**

Steve couldn't remember the last time he'd just laid on the beach with nothing to do but enjoy the sunset. It was their second day in Mexico, and he was already dreading going home. He knew he wouldn't feel that way at the end of the week. He would be anxious to get back to his life. But for now, he let himself enjoy the fact that he was very far away with the one person he loved more than anyone else.

Catherine rolled over onto her side on their beach towel. She rested her hand on Steve's chest and kissed his neck. "You know we can do this at home."

Steve smiled, still looking out toward the horizon. "It's nice there too."

Catherine traced the bullet wounds, still bright pink across Steve's torso. They were fading, but the scars would always be there. "How do you feel?"

"Amazing." It wasn't a lie. He still had some side effects of his injuries, but he had never felt better in his life.

"Good." Catherine kissed his jaw. "You know, Mary was really mad that she didn't get to plan a big wedding."

"She told me. Four times." Steve wrapped his arm around Catherine's waist. "But I can safely say it wasn't my fault."

"Mmhmm." Catherine reached his lips and didn't say anything more for a while. Then she sat up and looked down at Steve. "Did you want to get taquitos?"

Steve sat up too. "Only if you don't eat all of mine."

"When do I ever do that?"

"When do you not do that?"

"Fine, I will not touch your food if you can beat me back to the room." Catherine didn't wait for Steve to reply, but jumped to her feet and started running, leaving him to pick up their things.

"Cheater," he muttered, as he followed her, knowing she had already won.

A short time later, they left their hotel room and headed for a nearby taco stand. Catherine showed off her superior Spanish accent, which Steve credited to her growing up in Southern California, though she claimed it was just because she was better.

They sat on the low stools along the counter, sipping not quite cold Coke from glass bottles and greasy, delicious taquitos. Catherine always ordered something spicy, whereas Steve liked to actually be able to taste his food. She still "borrowed" from his plate.

"Here, try the chorizo." Catherine pushed her plate toward Steve.

"You know I don't like it." Steve gave her a look that said she was busted. She knew he wouldn't want it; that was the only reason she offered.

"No le gusta?" the man behind the counter asked.

"No," Steve replied. "Pero esto es bueno." Steve gestured at his own plate. As he did, Catherine tried to sneak more of his food, but he caught her hand, and wouldn't let go of it.

"How am I supposed to eat with one had?" Catherine tilted her head, and made what Steve thought was supposed to be a puppy-dog face. It didn't work.

"I'm sure you'll figure it out." He held her hand for the rest of the meal.

As they walked back to the hotel, full and content, still holding hands, Catherine leaned into Steve and kissed his cheek. "Te amo," she whispered.

Steve turned and kissed her lips, stopping them in the middle of the sidewalk as people moved around them. He brushed a strand of hair behind her ear. "I love you."

**H-5-O**

Mary Ann made the mistake of giving Jack chocolate milk once when Johnny wasn't there. He was at the UPS store or something like that. What could a little chocolate do to a two-year-old anyway? Mary found out the hard way.

Johnny came home to the sound of what could only be described as screeching. "I leave for an hour, and you get a parrot?" he said, looking around the apartment living room to see Mary slumped on the couch and Jack running back and forth in front of her.

"You were gone for three hours." Mary crossed her arms. "And you didn't tell me he got like this."

Johnny smirked. "Steve didn't tell me either."

"So you thought I deserved this, or what?"

"Oh, you know how annoying little brothers can be."

"Yeah, and you know how devious middle sisters can be. Where's that girlfriend of yours? I thought she was coming over?"

"She's meeting us at Steve's house. We're going to the beach."

That caught Jack's attention. "Really?" He jumped onto Johnny's legs, and held on tight. "Are Mommy and Daddy there? Is Uncle Danno coming? Can we have pizza?"

Johnny had to laugh. It was the only way to keep from going insane in his opinion. "Mommy and Daddy are still in Mexico, Uncle Danno is at work, and if you're good, maybe we can have pizza for dinner."

"Maybe or yes?"

"Only if you're very good."

"I'll be very good. I promise. Let's go!"

Jack tried to drag Johnny out the door before he was convinced that he needed to get ready first. He couldn't go swimming in his clothes.

When they arrived at Steve's house, Anna was already there. Jack ran toward her, and Johnny heard Mary let out a sigh as the walked much slower toward the sand.

"What was that for?" he asked.

"Just don't ever let me volunteer for this again." She shook her head. "Kids are great when they're someone else's."

Johnny smirked. "He's not so bad. You just have to get used to the incessant questions about food and swimming and all his relatives who aren't really relatives."

"Yeah. That."

"You should never have children."

"I know that. You should have five."

"Maybe one or two."

Mary smiled. "Thought so. And there's the lucky girl now."

**H-5-O**

The week only passed slowly for Jack who was starting to wonder if his parents had forgotten to come home and just planned on staying in Mexico forever, wherever that was. Uncle Johnny had shown him on a map, but it didn't look like a real place to Jack. Maybe it was a codename, a secret place.

In any case, Steve and Catherine arrived home at the appointed time, looking tan and content. Jack insisted that they listen to all the wonderful things he had done all week, not considering that they might have had some adventures as well.

Danny thought they were boring, since their honeymoon pictures consisted of mostly Zapotec ruins and beaches. Steve wasn't sure what Danny would consider an interesting honeymoon. He didn't want to know.

The following Monday, Steve returned to work. He hadn't expected anything other than the usual, but when he came into the office, there were streamers everywhere, and Chin and Kono were wearing party hats.

"What is this?" Steve crossed his arms. "I leave for a few weeks, and the place turns into a circus?"

"Months," Kono corrected. "You've been gone for two months. And no, this is a welcome back party. So, eat your malasada, and be happy about it."

"You better do as she says." Chin adjusted his hat. "She's really moody when you leave."

"Am not." Kono took a big bite of her malasada and ignored Chin.

"Well, thanks," Steve said. "As much as I hate parties, this was nice of you."

"Who hates parties?" Danny asked.

"I don't know." Steve shrugged. "Who hates the beach?"

"Are we really on this again?"

"We are always on this. You—" Steve's phone rang, and he answered it. "Yes, Governor?... We're on our way." He grabbed the bag of malasadas and handed it to Danny. "Let's move, Danno."

Danny followed along, muttering, "Don't call me Danno."


	43. Epilogue

_**Epilogue: a few weeks later**_

It was a cool October evening, and a soft breeze filtered through the palm fronds as a small fire flickered on the beach. Chairs and towels littered the area around the fire, and their inhabitants seemed to be winding down from a long day of fun.

Steve sat on a beach chair with Jack almost asleep on his knees. Catherine was on the ground beside him, smiling with her eyes half closed. Johnny and Anna shared a towel a little nearer to the water, and they whispered conspiratorially now and then. Chin and Kono were still in the water, enjoying the last bit of daylight before the weekend was over.

A little farther up the beach, Danny sat in one of the wooden chairs he remembered from the first day he met Steve. Rachel had long since taken the kids home to bed, and he was thinking it might be time for him to leave as well. Mary Ann had also gone home early because she had to work a red-eye flight to New York. After the excitement of the day at the beach, things seemed strangely silent for everyone. But before Danny could contemplate getting out of his chair, Johnny got up and spoke loudly enough for everyone to hear.

"I think it's time for some music."

Everyone seemed to agree with this, and Chin and Kono even came back to the beach to join in. Johnny ran into the house and came back with a guitar, but instead of sitting down to play, he handed it to Steve.

"What's this?" Steve asked.

"It's your turn." Johnny reached for Anna's hand and pulled her to her feet.

"I don't think—"

"Just play that thing you made up the other day."

"I don't remember it."

"Then you can make it up again."

From his vantage point, Danny could see that Steve was not going to win this argument. He knew little brothers could be terribly persuasive, and it didn't help when Jack got excited, and Catherine said she wanted to hear Steve play.

As Johnny and Anna danced clumsily across the sand, in and out of the tide, Danny listened to the music that made him think of rain for some reason. He watched Steve's eyes, so focused and dark at first, turn soft and close as he got further into his made up song.

By this time, Chin and Kono had started dancing too, and Catherine was holding Jack in her arms and swaying to the music. Danny wished Rachel, Grace, and Henry hadn't gone home so soon. It was sad that they missed this moment.

Danny got up from his chair and moved over next to Steve. He didn't say anything, but sat down in the sand and listened more. He didn't know how much time had passed when Steve seemed to decide the song was over. He played the last chord and laid the guitar across his lap. The others were still down near the water talking and laughing.

"I didn't know you could play like that," Danny said.

"Neither did I," Steve replied. "I used to do stuff like that all the time when we were kids. I didn't think anything of it."

Danny nodded toward Johnny. "I guess you can tell people you taught him everything he knows."

Steve followed his gaze. "Yeah," he said. "There's just one more thing he needs to learn. Hold this for me." Steve handed Danny the guitar.

Before Danny could say anything, Steve had run down the beach right at his brother. Johnny didn't see him coming and let out an undignified shout as Steve barreled into him and dragged him into the water. The others laughed as a great splash went up around them and Johnny resurfaced, shaking the water out of his eyes and looking thoroughly defeated.

Steve was a little further out in the water, smiling bigger than Danny had ever seen. In that moment something dawned on Danny. He realized that Johnny was someone he could never have replaced. He didn't interact with Steve that way, and that was how it should be. Johnny was Steve's little brother, but Danny was something else: a best friend, a partner. That was something Johnny wouldn't ever be. They were different, and that was okay.

Danny stood up as the others started coming up the beach. Steve and Johnny kept shoving each other and laughing. Danny felt a momentary pang of regret as he thought of his own brother, but it quickly disappeared as both Steve and Johnny accosted him in a wet hug. He didn't like that at all.

But maybe he did a little.

_The end._

* * *

><p><strong>I'm really sorry this took so long. I had another chapter planned, but then I realized that the story was really complete as it was and just needed this little epilogue for me to close it out. I went back and forth for a while on whether to do a sequel, but I don't think I really have enough of a plot to do something like that. I may do some oneshots of what happens to the characters later if anyone's interested in that. Let me know!<strong>

**And thank you all for reading this story. It's been a big adventure for me. I lost one beta reader and gained another, and a year has passed since I first started writing it. I hope you'll all check out my other stories including one that's coming soon that I can't tell you about or it would give too much away. :D**


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